i'm a gallery of broken hearts

[glowsferatu]

WHO: Kanaya and Shinji
WHERE: Trollhaus, third floor bathroom
WHEN: June 15th, not long before midnight
WARNINGS: Just some overwhelmed teenagers spiraling into despair
SUMMARY: Kanaya finally asks someone for help
FORMAT: brackets

[ no sooner had she left prom than kanaya found herself wandering into a supermarket, staring at the wine aisle. she must be quite the spectacle, all dolled up aside from the dried punch that's doused her head-to-toe, mascara running down her still fiercely glowing face. it's no good, none of it. even if she had the money to pay for a bottle, they'd never sell it to her.

she grabs two, and disappears through a portal before anyone would be the wiser.

when she emerges at home, she can hear the sound of video games coming from sollux's room. good. that means he's focused, distracted, he won't hear her. she opts for the bathroom instead of her bedroom, and doesn't bother undressing before she climbs into the tub, just kicking off her heels and tossing her jewelry out on the floor before turning on the shower and just sitting underneath it, head in her hands. the dress is already ruined, this couldn't possibly make it worse. and it's only now, when the pale green stream would be lost in the water, does she finally let herself cry, pulling the cork out of one bottle and just letting herself go, giving in to the full weight of the night.

after about two hours, she's well into the second bottle, the shower having been long shut off, but she's still in the tub, curled up along it's base. she's just drunk enough to have come to the only good decision she's made all night, and even that doesn't come easy.

it takes all the initiative she can muster just to roll onto her back, and picking through her threads was a lazy task. when she finally spots shinji, she lets him in outside the door. she's not sure sho might have been around him, and doesn't want to risk anyone else seeing her like this. just in case he isn't sure which door to take, she lobs a bottle of shampoo at it from her side, the impact making a loud knock before the bottle bounces back to a rest in front of the door. ]

Comments

[lastnerv]

[He's been here before - both in this house and in a situation like Kanaya's, minus the alcohol - and yet it still feels like he's out of place in both ways. Regardless, he stepped through that portal and now he's committed either way. After a second of looking around to make sure he didn't accidentally end up somewhere else (she is drunk) the thud grabs his attention.

The bathroom door opens slowly, Shinji's head peeking around it.]

Kanaya?

[glowsferatu]

[ she stretches her legs when he calls her name, and her head pokes out against the foot of the tub. but it isn't like she needed to do that before he noticed her, she's keeping that whole corner of the bathroom illuminated. ]

Over here.

[lastnerv]

[He slips between the barely opened door and the frame, shutting it behind him once he's through. Once he's sure no one just saw him show up and sneak into the bathroom, he flicks on the light.]

How long have you been in here?

[glowsferatu]

[ she honestly has no idea, not having really kept track of the time. it's been a while, she knows. she reaches for the wine bottle on the side of the tub and swishes it around a bit, its empty sister laying on the floor, toppled over on its side. ]

Maybe a...bottle and two-thirds? [ can time be measured in alcohol consumed? she doesn't know. it's the only measure she can think of right now. she takes a swig. ]

Do you ever feel like life...like it's just gotten away from you somehow?

[lastnerv]

[Shinji walks over before answering. He's not going to stand by the door and have a serious conversation, so he sits down next to the tub, his back to it.]

I can't say I've ever known any other kind of life.

[glowsferatu]

I know.

[ but that doesn't mean she doesn't try. she's not someone who can just let things be, she'd rather strip her fingers to the bone trying to hang on than let it all fall out of her control. ]

But, beyond that.

I don't like stopping. I don't want to think about things. When I do, all I'm left with is...maybe this isn't how it should be.

It isn't how I should be.

[lastnerv]

[He offers a shrug.]

Maybe. Maybe it isn't. Maybe a lot of people are like that, but what can you do about it?

[glowsferatu]

I don't know. [ she lets out a long sigh. ] But I know I don't want to be like this anymore. I need it to be better.

[lastnerv]

[He glances back over his shoulder.] How are we defining "better"?

[glowsferatu]

Not an overwhelming clusterfuck.

[lastnerv]

Do you really think that's possible? [A pause.] What started all of this?

[glowsferatu]

I don't know. Probably when Ron left, assuming I wasn't always like this. [ she shakes her head. ] I was stupid enough to think I could handle it, that I was prepared for the burden. That because I'm the only one who would, I didn't have a choice.

But it's too much! And even with how hard I work, I barely bring enough in to make any of it work. [ she takes another long swig from the bottle. ] That's no matter how I try, and I've gotten so consumed with making everything work, that it's only bleeding over into everything else.

[lastnerv]

Then stop.

[He says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world.]

It's not your job to make everything work. Leave it to someone else, or better year more than one person. And if that doesn't do anything, then maybe it's all meant to fall apart.

[glowsferatu]

[ Her voice is broken by a sob, she's thought about doing just that enough times that she already knows the answer. ]

There is no one else! Don't you think I would have tried if there could be anyone else? [ the answer to this should honestly be no. ]

And fuck letting it fall apart! Do you even understand what that means?

I can't! I...can't let that happen.

[lastnerv]

[That causes him to spin around.]

Why? Why does it have to be you? What the Hell are you even trying to accomplish, Kanaya? Is it worth this? Is it worth sitting in a damn bathtub drinking and hating yourself? Think about that!

[glowsferatu]

[ she could answer that in a lot of ways. because who the hell else is going to do it, because she doesn't want to be homeless, because she has to be useful.

she doesn't give any of those answers. ] I don't...

I don't know how to do anything else.