"You want to know what happened. Why I'm so much older, why I look like this. So be it, it's the least of what I owe you."
Turning, he returns to his seat, but just stands behind it, holding the back of the chair.
"I'm sorry, Lily. I talked you and James into switching Secret Keepers, and your family was destroyed because of that decision. I rode my fucking motorbike to your house when I went to check on Peter and found him gone, rather than apparating to Godric's Hollow, and so arrived too late to help you when Voldemort came. I left H- I did not go upstairs to get your crying son for- for I don't know how long, because James was- he was at the foot of the stairs. And you were in front of the cradle."
He sucks in a breath like a man drowning, knuckles white on the chair. His eyes are open, but they aren't looking at the kitchen.
"I...let Hagrid talk me into giving Harry up to Dumbledore, knowing that he would be left to be raised by muggles who hated you and James, and would hate him simply for what he is. I allowed my anger to overcome me, and walked right into Peter's trap, ensuring that I would never see Harry again. Even when I did manage to escape Azkaban, I was so focused on my revenge that I nearly threw Harry away a second time in order to get to Peter. The dementors threatened your son's life multiple times because I led them to Hogwarts and he tried to defend me when they finally caught me. Harry broke enough rules to be expelled and imprisoned himself helping me escape Hogwarts on Buckbeak's back. That is the story of why there is a hippogriff in the garden."
At first every word seemed to cost him, but by the end of his soliloquy, he was just empty.
no subject
Turning, he returns to his seat, but just stands behind it, holding the back of the chair.
"I'm sorry, Lily. I talked you and James into switching Secret Keepers, and your family was destroyed because of that decision. I rode my fucking motorbike to your house when I went to check on Peter and found him gone, rather than apparating to Godric's Hollow, and so arrived too late to help you when Voldemort came. I left H- I did not go upstairs to get your crying son for- for I don't know how long, because James was- he was at the foot of the stairs. And you were in front of the cradle."
He sucks in a breath like a man drowning, knuckles white on the chair. His eyes are open, but they aren't looking at the kitchen.
"I...let Hagrid talk me into giving Harry up to Dumbledore, knowing that he would be left to be raised by muggles who hated you and James, and would hate him simply for what he is. I allowed my anger to overcome me, and walked right into Peter's trap, ensuring that I would never see Harry again. Even when I did manage to escape Azkaban, I was so focused on my revenge that I nearly threw Harry away a second time in order to get to Peter. The dementors threatened your son's life multiple times because I led them to Hogwarts and he tried to defend me when they finally caught me. Harry broke enough rules to be expelled and imprisoned himself helping me escape Hogwarts on Buckbeak's back. That is the story of why there is a hippogriff in the garden."
At first every word seemed to cost him, but by the end of his soliloquy, he was just empty.