No. [ He tries to contain as much loathing in that single syllable as is conceptually possible. ] No, I wasn't. Terezi was the leader before I was, and she would have been assloads better at it than I was. She should never have given me that chance. She should never have trusted me. None of them should have.

[ He lets out a long-suffering sigh, and quite suddenly, stops struggling. He hangs in midair, glaring down at Chilton with the most baleful expression he can put together, comforting himself with imaginings of punching the man square in that smug, awful mouth. If he does get down, he is taking all of his water, guilty conscience be damned. ]

I wanted to lead them because I thought that if I could prove myself to them, if I was this bigshot hero they all looked up to and respected, they might not leave me when they found out about my mutation. No one in their right mind would like me enough to stick around, once they found out what a revolting insult against nature my existence is. Respect is superior. You can hate someone, but still respect them.