capeandcowllogs | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

WHO: Helena and Dick
WHERE:Helena's place
WHEN: Sunday Evening
WARNINGS: None, maybe kissing?
SUMMARY: Helena and Dick are relaxing, then suddenly have an important ~relationship~ talk
FORMAT: Para to start

It had taken a littler persuasion, which honestly had bordered on bullying, to get Dick to agree to stay in for the night, but she had finally worn him down. She figured thought that it was only because he knew that he really needed it that he agreed to it at all.

Something had been bothering him for a bit and he was more distant and stoic than usual, which Helena hated. Never mind she did the same stuff, it made her think he was becoming too much like Bruce, which she definitely didn't want.

So, tonight was casual night, with comfy shorts that were so short she'd never be seen in public in them and and old t-shirt that fight just right. And she would make him relax if she had to tie him to the bed to do it. Although that was more on the agenda for later in the week and for a slightly different reason.

Thankfully, Dick had crashed on her sofa as soon as he came in and the moment he did she brought over two glass of wine and curled up next to him, amazed at how comfy he was to snuggle up to for a guy that was solid muscle.

"Thanks for not making me kick your ass to agree to this," she said, sipping at her glass of wine.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He’s reached that point of exhaustion where even the thought of reaching out and taking the glass out of her hand seems like too much effort. She seems to drink a lot, and that worries him. Maybe more than it really should, given the circumstances.

Still, he’s pretty sure she hadn’t asked him over so he could acquisition her sofa and pass out for the next twelve hours. She gets an arm around her, though the angle’s awkward because he’s tired and his ribs hurt.

"I don’t know if we’ve established yet if you’ve got the chops to pull off that kind of an ass kicking," he says.

Which has to be pretty close to an invitation.

"I think it's you who needs to prove their chops, buddy," she said, grinning over at him. That did sound like an invitation to her, but it would almost be more fun just to brag back and forth about it. Maybe someday...

"Like someday when you're not running yourself ragged."

She shifted a bit, noticing how tenderly he was treating his ribs. Helena resisted the urge to run her hand along his chest and check for damage though, she knew he could take care of himself, but caring about him meant she worried. And the fact that she cared about him made her worry a bit.

He grabs her hand anyway, a little instinctively. Just in case she was thinking about it. "Don't write checks you're not gonna cash," he says, but he's grinning so she knows it's a joke. Maybe he's hoping that's enough to push the conversation in another direction.

Helena let him grab her hands, partially because now was not the time for a struggle and partially because it felt nice. Again, something that bothered her just a little.

"My apartment is nicer than yours, I can cash better checks than you," she teased. She bit her lip thoughtfully for a moment before she turned to face him more.

"Dick, what the hell are we?"

It really can't be a good sign when every response to that statement that comes to mind is worse than the last. He runs through a few bad ones anyway, and then a few more that could probably make Killer Croc more appealing, while seconds are passing and the silence starts to feel suffocating.

She deserves better. She deserves the truth.

"I... don't. know."

The silence didn't bother her too much, she knew the question was kind of out of nowhere and a big one, so if he wanted time to think about it that was understandable.

"Thank god," she said when he finally answered. "Because I don't either. I like you, we have good... chemistry together. "But are we just doing this because it's convenient that we're both vigilantes with a ton of personal issues? If we are then... well, we are and we apparently both want that. But if it's more..."

If it was more, then she thought they should acknowledge that.

He's feeling the need for space, suddenly, but taking his arm back might send the wrong message. He runs a hand through his hair and just... tries to think. About something other than how tired he is and how much his ribs ache.

Maybe it's best to just cut to the chase.

"...You worried I'm getting attached?"

"No."

Helena shook her and pulled away from him for a moment so she could look him full in the face. That's not what she wanted at all, although she could understand how being the person she was, she might give the impression she wouldn't want to get close.

"I'm not worried about us getting attached. If that's what we want, then that's fine. That's good even," she said. "But if it's not what we want, I think we should make that clear too."

It’s not as if she doesn’t deserve an answer, after weeks of just... hanging out and sometimes pretending to date and great sex they somehow never really talk about. But hearing it said that way, like it’s a choice they’re making every time sort of has to necessitate acknowledging all those other things he’s just been trying not to think about, while they do this. Things he’s needed not to think about, to keep doing this.

This is Bruce’s daughter he’s sleeping with. Bruce’s daughter.

"...I don’t really do things this way," he says finally, like it's an admission. "...The way we’ve been doing them."

Helena took a moment to try and classify what he meant by "this way". Was it too casual? Not casual enough? Helena had never been very good at relationships and she wondered if she was doing something wrong. Damn it, this was difficult.

"What way are we doing things and what way do you usually do them?" she asked.

"Sex first, questions later," he says slowly. And holding her hand is starting to feel a little more presumptuous. "...I like being close. In other ways. I like having a girlfriend. I don't just-"

And it's tempting to just stop there, and let it lie. But if he does that and then this doesn't end, then.

Then.

"...But there’s a lot of reasons why that would be a bad idea."

Helena wasn't exactly opposed to being a girlfriend. Their relationship would probably never be normal, but most normal relationships didn't last. Besides, it was all about the people being a good match, right? Not about the normality of the couple involved.

His next statement though struck her as rather odd.

"Just why would it be a bad idea to get close to me?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Finally the tension is too much and he has stand up. Has to pace a little, restless and unsettled.

"...We’re not from the same world," he says. "I mean, I don’t really have to explain that problem, do I? And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m just... kind of this mess right now. And I couldn’t even start telling you about it even if you somehow felt like listening. And that’s not even touching your father, who- raised me and I’d-"

His hand drops and he stops where he is finally, right back next to the sofa. He won't apologize. Not for Bruce.

"-I'd do anything for him."

Okay, bringing up Batman made her want to punch him in the mouth. But, she supposed it had to come up eventually and now was as good a time as any and better than some.

"First off, the mess thing doesn't bother me. I get that it bothers you and I'm not trivializing it. I just know that being a mess is part of being alive and doubly so being a crime fighter."

Helena wanted to get up and pace too, the feline genetics were screaming for her too, but she knew it wouldn't be a good idea.

"And second? The man here is not my father. Bruce Wayne back home isn't even my father. He's my sperm donor who wants nothing to do with me. Whatever his reasons, he chose to take himself out of the picture and I'm pretty sure the one here doesn't give a damn about me."

"Helena, that’s not-" But god, how can he even say it isn’t true with the way he’s been. With all those years he’d spent wondering and waiting and wanting. And maybe now he’s had the time and the space and the willingness to wait around and find out for sure. But Helena hasn’t, and denying her the same isn’t fair. He lets out a small breath and tries again.

"...Believe me, I- get it. The way he is, sometimes it’s just-" Not getting this out now would be worse. Still, he pauses a little before he plunges forward.

"How is it going to make you feel when he calls me and I’m there?"

Edited 2011-02-04 12:32 (UTC)

Helena still wasn't sure where he was going with this. She saw how Dick acted around Bruce, and it wasn't like a whipped puppy. She knew Dick had a backbone all his own that could be independent of the other man.

"What do you mean?" she asked carefully. "Like if he needs your help and you go? Because I'm not going to begrudge you that. I don't expect everyone to feel toward him the way I do. He's like, or is a father, to you. I get that and I would never deny you that, Dick."

"That’s not really what I’m worried about," he says, watching her face closely. The disconnect here is starting to feel unsettling. "...We had issues for a long time. But things changed and now they’re better and I don’t want that to make you meeting the alternate universe counterpart of someone who... really treated you like crap worse than it already is. Maybe that’s just me projecting, but..."

Why does this have to be so difficult? He sighs a little and looks at her floor.

"...I’m not really okay with things staying this way, long term," he says at last. "I just think you might want to give it some thought before you decide you really want to make this something else."

Helena let that sink in before she replied. He was being honest, which she appreciated, she wouldn't want this to go on like this indeterminately either. Relationships for her had always been complicated at best, impossible at the worst. What she did, what she stood for, was more important to her than being with someone. Being a hero would always come first. No one else deserved to lose a mother, or anyone else for that matter, to some criminal nut job and she would always put that first. She had thought maybe being with someone else who understood that would make that complication go away.

It had only changed it though. Just because someone couldn't be the most important thing in her life, didn't mean they could be a casual thing if it was going to last.

"Look, the Bruce thing is... my issue. And I probably need to work on it, but it's hard to stop being angry after such a long time," she said. "But you're not making anything worse. As for the other thing... I don't know. What something else would this become?"

"...I don't know. It doesn't have to be anything." He's going for careless and nonchalant, and trying not to think about how humiliating it will be to have said this out loud if it turns out he's failing at it. "Maybe it isn't. I just thought I'd... let you know that I'm more used to there being some possibility. And just waiting and seeing what happens."

Helena wasn't sure if he was saying he didn't want it to be anything or not. If that's what he wanted, she would have preferred a straight up break up, but maybe he was having just a hard of time knowing what he wanted as she did.

Helena did know what she didn't want though, she didn't want to be alone, she could handle being alone if that's what it came to. She didn't need to be with someone, but seeing Bruce and Barbara and her mother made her realize that's not necessarily what she wanted.

"I'd like something more," she finally said, hesitating before adding, "With you. Being Huntress will always come first and we may end up being absolutely horrible for each other, but I'd like to try."

She doesn’t seem the type to shut down short of a resolution. He likes that about her.

"Then we’re on the same page," he says. He hesitates, then decides it’s probably safe to reach out a hand for hers again. Low pressure, but affectionate.

Helena smiled and took his hand, squeezing it before letting go. That was about all of the positive, romantic feelings she could handle at the moment. It did feel like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders though, she liked having a direction. A target.

"Now, if we're done talking about feelings you need to rest and take it easy with those ribs."

Sometimes it's nice to be fussed over a little. He'd almost forgotten that, after all this time.

"Whatever you say," he says. And since he's pretty sure that wasn't actually her throwing him out for the night, he takes a seat beside her again. Those reserve tanks he's been running on for the past week are pretty much empty now.

"I say you push yourself too hard and don't back off when you should," she said. Admittedly that was entirely hypocritical, but that wasn't the point right now, they weren't talking about her. All the same she adjusted a bit so they rested comfortably against each other.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only