SPACE PRANKSTER

[hatesturbation.livejournal.com]

WHO: Bender Bending Rodriguez and Karkat Vantas
WHERE: Bender's "office".
WHEN: February 7th, afternoon.
WARNINGS: Oh my god this is horrible...
SUMMARY:
FORMAT: Whatever strikes your fancy.

This. Was an outrage.

These flyers were - apart from being shoddily made - were all about the money. Some joker thought that he could play at matchmaking like this? That wasn't how it worked. Any matchmaker worth his sodium grains did it out of the goodness of their heart, to see another being improve themselves and their lives. Or else to distract a romantic rival while they moved in on the real target. That was always an option too.

But the point was that it was personal, and the business should come second.

Besides, he would be so much better at it.

"HEY FUCKFACE." Karkat bellowed, giving the door a swift kick. Crumpled poster in hand and fury almost palpable, he checked the numbers again. This should be the right place, the headquarters of Mr. Rodrigeuz's dating service.

Comments

[boozebot]

Bender, the dashing robot, sat by his recently stolen desk with his feet up. Peering up from some of the forms he had already recieved from various chumps, he glared at the tiny little grey thing that had just thrown himself into his office.

Slowly moving his feet off the desk, he swivelled the chair forward. Placing the papers down on his desk, Bender carefully examined his visitor. There were some thing Bender Bending Rodriguez would not take sitting down and that was banditos.

"What the hell do you want, assface?"

[hatesturbation.livejournal.com]

Karkat... Hadn't really expected that to work. He didn't think that the door was actually unlocked, and the inward swing left him careening into the interior, thrown off balance.

He straightened up and brushed himself off, trying to regain his composure. "I have skeletal marrow to pick with you, shitsucker. I sure hope that that's not a problem or anything."

Crumpled flyers get waved around hysterically, words get pointed to with barely contained fury. "Just what's the big idea with this, huh? The fuck is even wrong with you?"

[boozebot]

Bender coughed slightly, before leaning forward onto his desk as far as possible.

"What the hell does it look like to you?"

[hatesturbation.livejournal.com]

More aggravated pointing. Look at those words - just look at them. If the wrongness isn't selfevident then clearly something is very wrong.

"What the hell does it look like to me? What the everloving shit could it look like to me? Anyone with a pair of functioning eyes can tell that you're doing this all wrong. I mean, the fuck? Are you even planning to try not to suck at this? You sure don't talk like it!" Or write, whatever.

[boozebot]

"It's a business, kid. I want to bleed their wallets dry." Bender said ominously, pulling out a cigar to puff. He wanted to look as intimidating as possible. "Besides, have you seen those people? Every single one of them wears spandex. Every. Single. One."

[hatesturbation.livejournal.com]

"This is an blinding offense!" Karkat spat, finally crumpling the flier into a ball and tossing it over his shoulder. "The inexperienced should never try to set others up, they'll get it all wrong! I mean, do you even know your quadrants? Gog, I'm surrounded by imbeciles and blasphemers!"

Hands free, one shot forward to point accusingly at the robot. "Take their money if you so want, but at least let a fucking professional do the work. Do you even know what you run the risk of here?"

[boozebot]

Bender slouched back in the chair again, realising that the strange grey thing with nubby horns wasn't going to do anything violent.

"It means I'll get money?" he theorised, blowing some smoke out of his mouth hole and into Karkat's face.

[hatesturbation.livejournal.com]

"Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to just throw a bunch of creatures into a relationship like that? What if it's the wrong quadrant? What if one is more caliginous than the other? Do you know anything about anything?"

Karkat shook his head disdainfully, his voice dropping below a yell for the first time since he'd arrived. "So yeah, you'll be getting money, but you'll end up with a volatile situation on your hands. You know, if the peasants revolt, they'll probably ask for their money back.

[boozebot]

"So?" Bender snorted derisively, flicking his hand into thin air as if clearing away stupidity. "I'll just cheese it. I've done it before."

[hatesturbation.livejournal.com]

He couldn't help it. Karkat brought a hand to his forehead, letting out a raspy, frustrated sigh. It wasn't like he knew what he was talking about or anything.

"Look, mister... Rodriguez, I think? Look, I'm just going to call you clanky." Why was it always robots? Though at the very least, this one didn't ribbit. "I'm trying to do you a favour here, out of the boundless and infinite goodness of my heart. I actually have the skill and talent to make you not suck at this."

[boozebot]

Bender initially intended to react angrily to the "clanky" comment, but the second point made his scam circuits race into action.

"So are you saying that you'll do my work for me? For free?" he questioned, beginning to gain interest in this effective way of slacking.

[hatesturbation.livejournal.com]

"Eugh, yes. It's not like I have any need for your worthless human currency, and I need to see this kind of shit done right." He shook his head, disdainfully. "Otherwise you'll just shame us all, it's disgusting. I can't have shitsuckers like you out there giving me a bad name."