http://loveyourenemy.livejournal.com/ (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
loveyourenemy.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
capeandcowllogs2011-02-09 11:42 pm
loveyourenemy.livejournal.com) wrote in capeandcowllogs2011-02-09 11:42 pm
Entry tags:
bound to fall, you call your angel down
WHO: Keith Anyan (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
motherloaded) and Jonah Matsuka (loveyourenemy)
WHEN: Thursday morning.
WHERE: Outside a warehouse somewhere.
WARNINGS: Worst breakup.
SUMMARY: Three kills and a near-miss later, Keith finally shares his plans with Matsuka.
FORMAT: Baww.
Keith leaves early in the morning, having ensured that Matsuka would be up late the previous night. He takes the time to get a new gun and review the network to decide who will be next.
Instead, he winds up spending several hours in a snowy alleyway, staring blankly at his dingy reflection in a broken window. He can't remember when he spaced out, but he's been doing that lately. Reality is...slippery. The only thing that's certain is that he has to keep moving according to his purpose. His purpose is to serve Superior Domination. That means eliminating the poison that leaks out into this planet.
He has the vague feeling that he's going about it the wrong way, though...and the darker feeling that what he's doing is horrible and needs to be stopped. He examines this feeling from a distance somewhere inside his head.
Then he calls Matsuka and sends him an address in front of a nearby warehouse. It's well into the morning by this time. He should be awake.
***
Matsuka is awake, though he's tired from last night's activities and the unusual hours have made him a little groggy. He's missing work again, and he feels bad about it, but between the late night and Keith's strange behavior he's not sure what else to do. He probably wouldn't be much help at the toy shop right now anyhow.
So it's not very long after Keith's call that Matsuka arrives at the location he was given, pulling his coat around himself as he looks around. He's not sure why Keith wants to meet him here, isn't sure why Keith is doing a lot of what he's doing lately. It makes him uneasy. "Keith...?"
***
Keith stands all but immobile in front of the warehouse. His new coat--reversible, black and white--is still turned to show its white side. He hasn't set out for the kill just yet. No, he wants to wait first. For Matsuka. "You're here. It's time for you to be useful again."
He finally flicks his empty gaze to meet Matsuka's. "I need your help killing one of the Mu. Leo."
***
At first it just... doesn't compute. Such a horrible cold order, delivered so calmly - it takes a moment to sink in, and Matsuka stares at Keith, wide-eyed in dawning horror, like a slow wash of ice water through his veins. "What?" The word escapes him as little more than a breath. "...Leo? But... he's never been any threat to anyone..."
***
Something smolders at the back of those vacant eyes, a kind of bitter hunger. You can end this here, Matsuka.
"No. He wouldn't be my first choice if I had my former resources at my disposal." But he doesn't. Because...Mother has abandoned him and he finally knows it for sure...no. That's not it. It's simply because he's in a different reality. He will keep serving the purpose for which he was made, keep carrying out Grandmother's orders (and then maybe she'll take him back). "But he still needs to die."
***
"Why?"
Matsuka isn't really asking why Leo needs to die, because he knows it isn't true. It's the 'why?' of someone who's feeling the bottom dropping out from underneath him, who can't understand what's happening - why is Keith doing this? What is this terrible empty look in his eyes?
As he stands there, Matsuka remembers the strange way Keith has been behaving lately, the unusual orders, unexplained errands. "Keith," he whispers. "What are you doing?"
***
Keith speaks with perfect calm. "I've finally come to the conclusion that Grandmother is not going to send reinforcements to destroy this planet. The task of eliminating the infection spread by the 'Porter falls to me for now." He reaches into a pocket of the jacket and pulls out his latest gun.
***
With that, the pieces fall into place. The recent spate of deaths reported over the network - Keith's unusual comings and goings--
Matsuka's eyes begin to well up with tears. "Then - those other people who've died--"
***
"Part of the plan." The faintest note of expectancy has crept into Keith's voice: what are you going to do about all of this, Matsuka?
***
At Matsuka's sides, his hands curl unconsciously into trembling fists. "What did they do?" he demands shakily, although inside he's already sickly aware of the answer to that: nothing. None of them did anything to Keith. They were just there. Imports. Like Leo. Like the two of them. "What is this supposed to accomplish? Even if you do something like this, the 'Porter will just bring more imports into the city, won't she? Just like us--"
***
The corner of Keith's mouth twitches slightly downwards, and he looks almost contemplative for a moment. "Yes. She will. I may have to..." He trails off. He's been trailing off a lot lately. This is the second time he's had to recover from being tortured; the first time, he had a clear target, a clear purpose, and the support of the Mother System to back him up afterwards. This time he has nothing at all. It's harder to take control and make the little things fall back into place in his mind this time.
"Regardless," he finally says. "I must do something. And your place is to help. Unless you're no longer of any use to me. Will I be disposing of you now, Matsuka?"
***
"...would it make anything better if you killed me?" Matsuka wonders, in a broken murmur. For a moment he almost hopes - but if Keith would just go on killing more people, then...
He squeezes his eyes closed against the sting of tears. It doesn't help. "I won't let you do this."
***
Keith's hand wavers the tiniest bit at his side. Will Matsuka really make him kill him? Why does the thought displease him so much? No, he can't think about that. Think about something else. "Pathetic. There's no way for you to stop me."
***
He may be right. Matsuka tries desperately to think of something to do, but the obvious solutions are also the most unbearable ones - turn Keith in to the police? But he's a member of the police force himself... and Matsuka is realizing now the purpose of some of those errands that Keith sent him on over the past few days.
He could call for help, but that would only put whoever he called in danger... or they might try to kill Keith to stop him.
But if he won't be dissuaded... is that the only way...?
Had all of the kindness that he'd once sensed in Keith's heart really been snuffed out?
"...doing this..." Matsuka says, in almost a whisper. "...do you think it would make Sam happy?"
***
It's a subtle change. Keith is already still and almost calm, the only tell of his inner turbulence being that slight tremor in his hand, the distant burning at the back of his eyes. But now he freezes entirely, his breath sticking in his throat. The seconds are a needle skipping on a record. Tick.
(It's all right. Sam is dead. He can't ever be happy again. It doesn't matter. All that matters are Grandmother's orders.)
Time unfreezes. Keith reaches out to grab Matsuka by the collar with his free hand. It doesn't shake anymore. "A monster shouldn't even say that name."
***
Matsula's hand does tremble, as it lifts to try to touch Keith's where it grips his collar. He meets Keith's eyes, tears flowing freely down his face now - maybe it's a lost cause, but if he can look inside Keith's heart just once more, and see for himself if there's any warmth remaining there...
"But, Keith," he says, his voice coming out shakily from a tight, aching throat. "You're the one who's become a monster."
***
Inside Keith's head, there's a huge and empty room. Somewhere in it he is wandering, lost. But there's too much empty space to feel any sadness or regret anymore. Just...nothing. Keith has become as unfeeling as he always wanted to be. Somehow, it doesn't feel as good as he imagined it would.
"What do you do with monsters, Matsuka?"
***
A soft, anguished sound escapes Matsuka as his legs give out beneath him. He clings to Keith's wrist with both hands; that and Keith's grip on his collar are the only things keeping him upright.
"Please," he begs, voice hitching. "Please don't..." Please don't go, but it's too late. Keith is already gone, beyond Matsuka's reach.
Maybe he always was.
***
Keith's grip tightens.
He doesn't want to let go of Matsuka. He can sense, on some level, that it'll be the last time. That this once, Matsuka won't come back. He doesn't want to be truly alone.
***
And now, Matsuka thinks, Keith will kill him.
He knows he should fight back. His death won't bring Keith peace, and it won't stop him from carrying out his plans. Keith wants him to fight back, and somehow that's the worst of all.
He should fight back, but looking into the emptiness inside of Keith, he can't do it. He can only grieve for what's been lost. "Please," he whispers again, but there's no hope in it any more.
***
For a moment longer, Keith holds onto Matsuka, staring at him with those hollow eyes. Then, finally, he lets go. "Go to the Mu, then. I'll end your life as one of them, not at my side."
***
String cut, Matsuka falls to the icy pavement, hands still stretched out uselessly towards Keith. "I'm sorry," he sobs brokenly, facedown in the sleeves of his coat. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."
***
Keith can't take those outstretched hands. He doesn't know much, anymore. But he knows that for sure. He stares dispassionately down at Matsuka for a little while, giving no indication that he's even hearing that series of apologies. Then he puts the gun back in his pocket at last and turns to go.
***
It takes a little while for the shock of pain and grief to begin to subside. By then, Keith is gone, and there's a short, dazed space of time where Matsuka isn't sure what to do, or if he'll ever even manage to get up off the cold concrete again.
But then he remembers Leo, and abruptly he scrambles up onto his feet. Keith will be going after Leo now. Even if he can't bring himself to kill Keith as Keith wants, he can't just let Leo be killed...
Matsuka runs.
motherloaded) and Jonah Matsuka (loveyourenemy)WHEN: Thursday morning.
WHERE: Outside a warehouse somewhere.
WARNINGS: Worst breakup.
SUMMARY: Three kills and a near-miss later, Keith finally shares his plans with Matsuka.
FORMAT: Baww.
Keith leaves early in the morning, having ensured that Matsuka would be up late the previous night. He takes the time to get a new gun and review the network to decide who will be next.
Instead, he winds up spending several hours in a snowy alleyway, staring blankly at his dingy reflection in a broken window. He can't remember when he spaced out, but he's been doing that lately. Reality is...slippery. The only thing that's certain is that he has to keep moving according to his purpose. His purpose is to serve Superior Domination. That means eliminating the poison that leaks out into this planet.
He has the vague feeling that he's going about it the wrong way, though...and the darker feeling that what he's doing is horrible and needs to be stopped. He examines this feeling from a distance somewhere inside his head.
Then he calls Matsuka and sends him an address in front of a nearby warehouse. It's well into the morning by this time. He should be awake.
***
Matsuka is awake, though he's tired from last night's activities and the unusual hours have made him a little groggy. He's missing work again, and he feels bad about it, but between the late night and Keith's strange behavior he's not sure what else to do. He probably wouldn't be much help at the toy shop right now anyhow.
So it's not very long after Keith's call that Matsuka arrives at the location he was given, pulling his coat around himself as he looks around. He's not sure why Keith wants to meet him here, isn't sure why Keith is doing a lot of what he's doing lately. It makes him uneasy. "Keith...?"
***
Keith stands all but immobile in front of the warehouse. His new coat--reversible, black and white--is still turned to show its white side. He hasn't set out for the kill just yet. No, he wants to wait first. For Matsuka. "You're here. It's time for you to be useful again."
He finally flicks his empty gaze to meet Matsuka's. "I need your help killing one of the Mu. Leo."
***
At first it just... doesn't compute. Such a horrible cold order, delivered so calmly - it takes a moment to sink in, and Matsuka stares at Keith, wide-eyed in dawning horror, like a slow wash of ice water through his veins. "What?" The word escapes him as little more than a breath. "...Leo? But... he's never been any threat to anyone..."
***
Something smolders at the back of those vacant eyes, a kind of bitter hunger. You can end this here, Matsuka.
"No. He wouldn't be my first choice if I had my former resources at my disposal." But he doesn't. Because...Mother has abandoned him and he finally knows it for sure...no. That's not it. It's simply because he's in a different reality. He will keep serving the purpose for which he was made, keep carrying out Grandmother's orders (and then maybe she'll take him back). "But he still needs to die."
***
"Why?"
Matsuka isn't really asking why Leo needs to die, because he knows it isn't true. It's the 'why?' of someone who's feeling the bottom dropping out from underneath him, who can't understand what's happening - why is Keith doing this? What is this terrible empty look in his eyes?
As he stands there, Matsuka remembers the strange way Keith has been behaving lately, the unusual orders, unexplained errands. "Keith," he whispers. "What are you doing?"
***
Keith speaks with perfect calm. "I've finally come to the conclusion that Grandmother is not going to send reinforcements to destroy this planet. The task of eliminating the infection spread by the 'Porter falls to me for now." He reaches into a pocket of the jacket and pulls out his latest gun.
***
With that, the pieces fall into place. The recent spate of deaths reported over the network - Keith's unusual comings and goings--
Matsuka's eyes begin to well up with tears. "Then - those other people who've died--"
***
"Part of the plan." The faintest note of expectancy has crept into Keith's voice: what are you going to do about all of this, Matsuka?
***
At Matsuka's sides, his hands curl unconsciously into trembling fists. "What did they do?" he demands shakily, although inside he's already sickly aware of the answer to that: nothing. None of them did anything to Keith. They were just there. Imports. Like Leo. Like the two of them. "What is this supposed to accomplish? Even if you do something like this, the 'Porter will just bring more imports into the city, won't she? Just like us--"
***
The corner of Keith's mouth twitches slightly downwards, and he looks almost contemplative for a moment. "Yes. She will. I may have to..." He trails off. He's been trailing off a lot lately. This is the second time he's had to recover from being tortured; the first time, he had a clear target, a clear purpose, and the support of the Mother System to back him up afterwards. This time he has nothing at all. It's harder to take control and make the little things fall back into place in his mind this time.
"Regardless," he finally says. "I must do something. And your place is to help. Unless you're no longer of any use to me. Will I be disposing of you now, Matsuka?"
***
"...would it make anything better if you killed me?" Matsuka wonders, in a broken murmur. For a moment he almost hopes - but if Keith would just go on killing more people, then...
He squeezes his eyes closed against the sting of tears. It doesn't help. "I won't let you do this."
***
Keith's hand wavers the tiniest bit at his side. Will Matsuka really make him kill him? Why does the thought displease him so much? No, he can't think about that. Think about something else. "Pathetic. There's no way for you to stop me."
***
He may be right. Matsuka tries desperately to think of something to do, but the obvious solutions are also the most unbearable ones - turn Keith in to the police? But he's a member of the police force himself... and Matsuka is realizing now the purpose of some of those errands that Keith sent him on over the past few days.
He could call for help, but that would only put whoever he called in danger... or they might try to kill Keith to stop him.
But if he won't be dissuaded... is that the only way...?
Had all of the kindness that he'd once sensed in Keith's heart really been snuffed out?
"...doing this..." Matsuka says, in almost a whisper. "...do you think it would make Sam happy?"
***
It's a subtle change. Keith is already still and almost calm, the only tell of his inner turbulence being that slight tremor in his hand, the distant burning at the back of his eyes. But now he freezes entirely, his breath sticking in his throat. The seconds are a needle skipping on a record. Tick.
(It's all right. Sam is dead. He can't ever be happy again. It doesn't matter. All that matters are Grandmother's orders.)
Time unfreezes. Keith reaches out to grab Matsuka by the collar with his free hand. It doesn't shake anymore. "A monster shouldn't even say that name."
***
Matsula's hand does tremble, as it lifts to try to touch Keith's where it grips his collar. He meets Keith's eyes, tears flowing freely down his face now - maybe it's a lost cause, but if he can look inside Keith's heart just once more, and see for himself if there's any warmth remaining there...
"But, Keith," he says, his voice coming out shakily from a tight, aching throat. "You're the one who's become a monster."
***
Inside Keith's head, there's a huge and empty room. Somewhere in it he is wandering, lost. But there's too much empty space to feel any sadness or regret anymore. Just...nothing. Keith has become as unfeeling as he always wanted to be. Somehow, it doesn't feel as good as he imagined it would.
"What do you do with monsters, Matsuka?"
***
A soft, anguished sound escapes Matsuka as his legs give out beneath him. He clings to Keith's wrist with both hands; that and Keith's grip on his collar are the only things keeping him upright.
"Please," he begs, voice hitching. "Please don't..." Please don't go, but it's too late. Keith is already gone, beyond Matsuka's reach.
Maybe he always was.
***
Keith's grip tightens.
He doesn't want to let go of Matsuka. He can sense, on some level, that it'll be the last time. That this once, Matsuka won't come back. He doesn't want to be truly alone.
***
And now, Matsuka thinks, Keith will kill him.
He knows he should fight back. His death won't bring Keith peace, and it won't stop him from carrying out his plans. Keith wants him to fight back, and somehow that's the worst of all.
He should fight back, but looking into the emptiness inside of Keith, he can't do it. He can only grieve for what's been lost. "Please," he whispers again, but there's no hope in it any more.
***
For a moment longer, Keith holds onto Matsuka, staring at him with those hollow eyes. Then, finally, he lets go. "Go to the Mu, then. I'll end your life as one of them, not at my side."
***
String cut, Matsuka falls to the icy pavement, hands still stretched out uselessly towards Keith. "I'm sorry," he sobs brokenly, facedown in the sleeves of his coat. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."
***
Keith can't take those outstretched hands. He doesn't know much, anymore. But he knows that for sure. He stares dispassionately down at Matsuka for a little while, giving no indication that he's even hearing that series of apologies. Then he puts the gun back in his pocket at last and turns to go.
***
It takes a little while for the shock of pain and grief to begin to subside. By then, Keith is gone, and there's a short, dazed space of time where Matsuka isn't sure what to do, or if he'll ever even manage to get up off the cold concrete again.
But then he remembers Leo, and abruptly he scrambles up onto his feet. Keith will be going after Leo now. Even if he can't bring himself to kill Keith as Keith wants, he can't just let Leo be killed...
Matsuka runs.
[comment not here]