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SOLDIER BLUE ([personal profile] soldieringblue) wrote in [community profile] capeandcowllogs2011-02-14 01:41 am

stop

WHO: Soldier Blue, resident(s) of the Mu Mu Hakusho house if they wish.
WHERE: City, sky, aforeementioned house
WHEN: late 2/12-2/13 early early morning
WARNINGS: buckets of unhappy
SUMMARY: it's enough
FORMAT: no





Enough.

Soldier Blue left the ravaged streets with slow and unsteady steps that took him skyward; there were roofs below him before he was aware that he'd begun to fly away rather quickly. The realization sent a strange wave of panic over him that stretched his mind in two directions - partly back to the scene he'd left behind and partly away, as far away as he could force his body to take him. The more he flew, the more unanimous his thoughts became and the faster he went, broadening the distance with short teleports that made him both a faster traveler and slower flier. He was bone-tired. Sick and tired. Fevered with a mounting disgust that made his blood feel thick and heavy in him, weighing him down and drawing him so near to the roofs that he nearly nicked their spires and antennas with his hands and feet.

Enough.

Logic dictated that the responsibility for what had occurred was allotted to no single party, least of all him. That fact in of itself only made him feel more at fault - where had he been?

Soldier. He'd only just recently explained his title to Baroona, but it sounded so obsolete and false. Contradictory to the freedom that was laid out before him, he was a suffocating force, bred for a world very different from the one he was racing through. He'd fought hard with the notion, arguing its value there, his value there, standing under the shadow of a self that may not have been truly himself at all. The ideal Soldier was buried in a cemetery miles away.

That was why...he'd chosen to take a step away from the role. To wear it as a reminder, yes, but to quietly recede and give his fellow Mu the very thing he dreamed they could have in their home world. The City was full of freedom and choice, chance to not simply survive, but live with humanity. Despite the setbacks that had come with his decision - the attacks, the underlying suspicions, the careful compromises that came with trying to blend in naturally - Blue had believed he was right. He though he would only be wrong to intervene too greatly with the freedom given the Mu by that City.

Then...Leo was attacked and Soldier Blue was not there.

It was a fierce punch in the gut, coming with the realization of just whose voice it was that pierced his mind at that moment. Inattentive Soldier Blue had swooped down to find his friend and comrade shot and bleeding, pierced by bullets that he could have stopped had he been there. But only if he had been unwilling to give Leo the freedom to be out in that world without him. Did that put Blue at fault? Or was it solely on Keith Anyan, the man who pulled the trigger?

Blue saw him dead, but not by his hands. Nor the hands of the one he saw it through. Jonah's mind barraged him with the colors and sounds of the end of that man, so potent as to send him reeling into utter despair, lashing out at the world as only a Mu could when emotions were so palpable to them. Blue felt those, too, reminded of the fury he'd felt in the past. But Jonah's was much more personal and he knew it.

Where had the Soldier been?

He had no clear answer to that, and that fresh fear was a spur that pushed him on, faster again. The burn of his limbs felt justified despite the hurt; he didn't know what punishment he was rightfully subject to. All he could do was push ahead, looking for his stopping place, home, or-- well. He didn't really have a home in that world, did he? Or...

Before a real decision could be made, Blue found himself nearly face to face with the building he had begun to reside in with Leo and the friends he had made in the City. The shingled roof came zooming up to him, so fast that he very well may have collided right into it had he not flickered out of that space in another sudden show of power. He reappeared in the room allotted him, still heavy with his speed, and hit the floor hard enough to knock the wind right out of him. His vision blackened for a few moments - more, maybe. He wasn't sure. But his breath drew in a hiss of pain by the time he realized that was what he was doing. It hurt. The side of his head, his chest, palms...Everything just hurt. His friends and the people he'd had the nerve to call such...always getting hurt, one way or the other. He wasn't protecting anything.

Another painful exhale preceded a loud and strangled gasp, which set his body to shuddering, which repeated it all again and again...The sound was frightening and new to his ears, and Blue gaped at his fingers as the curled against the floor as roots against the trembling of his arms. They blurred; his chest was a heavy weight and his head swam in all the things therein, and Blue felt as if he would explode.

His sobs became more human the longer it went on, and he drew his arms to himself, curling his hands around his head and digging his fingers into his hair and scalp. He forcefully muffled the sound against his arm, ashamed of it, squeezing his eyes shut to stop their part as well. Everything about it was awful, but it would not stop on his command; it had grown immune to his efforts to drown all those unhappy things in himself and keep his presence neutral and strong. Like a Soldier.

There was no fooling anyone anymore, though. He wasn't Soldier Blue anymore. It was possible he'd never been him at all, but even if he was...not anymore. And he had nothing beyond that to fall back on.

His sleeve was soaked.

...his floor is now squishy with all of your weepiness, soulja

[identity profile] gardenerthief.livejournal.com 2011-02-14 05:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Even if Blue hadn't slammed like a meteor of angst into the roof of the house (thank you for not slamming like a meteor of angst into the roof of the house, Blue) the Mu's powerful presence and his pain sent up a psychic flare that alerted the sensitive members of the household to his return.

Kurama could hide everything about his movements - the sound of the door opening, the fall of his foot on the wood floor - but he couldn't hide his mind. The most he could do was keep the calm that he'd cultivated on Leo's behalf as he entered the room. It was becoming harder to conceal his worry, however. He was angry that his friends had been hurt, but the situation had been handled and there was no sense getting worked up over it. He had never met Keith Anyan, after all. He had met Matsuka, however. And Leo, and of course Soldier Blue.

What was left of the Mu's leader lay in a broken heap on the floor, and Kurama was momentarily unsure of what to do.

"Soldier Blue..."

gdi now his floor looks like a fairy died on it

[identity profile] gardenerthief.livejournal.com 2011-02-14 08:55 pm (UTC)(link)
"You can."

Kurama reached down and grasped Blue by the arms, lifting him from the floor and guiding him to a chair. He pressed a handkerchief in Blue's hands, gentle but firm, and went to the closet to find the Mu another shirt.

"You can come with me to see Leo."

LIKE YOUR FACE. Kurama has enough issues with masculinity without you glittering up the place.

[identity profile] gardenerthief.livejournal.com 2011-02-14 09:42 pm (UTC)(link)
At least the mind that touched him through Kurama's hands was inhumanly calm, if not entirely sympathetic. Of course you think it's a bad idea, Blue. You'd rather disappear for long periods of time while angsting about how you're letting everyone down. If Kurama and Kuwabara were going to put all this effort into sheilding one Mu, they might as well sheild two.

"Kuwabara is there, sheilding him him. You and Leo are not the only psychics who live in this house," Kurama's tone was as much a gentle rebuke as a reminder. "He and I both need a fresh change of clothes if we are going to stay there, I need to make sure everything here is in one piece, and Leo needs to know that you're safe. Conveniently, the house stands, I've packed a bag, and I've found you."

Kurama returned with...how many iterations of his outfit does Blue even have? A new black turtleneck at least. His eyes were impassive in the face of Blue's shock.

"Leo needs a friend, someone who understands what happened and what he's going through. He needs the people he loves."

In many ways, Kurama was just as merciless a bastard as Hiei. He was certainly more manipulative.

this is why we need Kuwabara around - TESTOSTERONE, FTLOG!!!

[identity profile] gardenerthief.livejournal.com 2011-02-15 04:12 am (UTC)(link)
Not unless you make an effort to change it, Blue, and even then it would take time.

Nodding, Kurama gave him some privacy to get ready in while he called a cab. (And while Hiei checked in on the Mu.) When the car finally came, it was...difficult to look at Blue. The Mu wasn't on the floor anymore, but he was no less broken. He'd have a lot of answering to do for this later, but for now...the Mu needed one another. Besides, if Blue was going to collapse, there were worse places for that to happen than a hospital.

There was one question that he had not asked, and had been trying not to ask...but he felt himself growing too concerned, unable to keep the thought clear of his mind.

"Jonah Matsuka...what happened to him?"
Edited 2011-02-15 04:19 (UTC)

[identity profile] violentsoftie.livejournal.com 2011-02-15 03:36 am (UTC)(link)
Crying is something that Hiei chooses not to deal with. It's not like he would be a comfort, so he doesn't bother trying. Anyway, Kurama has obviously decided to play the role of comforter. Hiei can sense the two of them in Blue's room, one being calm and the other stressed to the point of breaking.

He leans on the wall outside Blue's room, casually, calm inside and out. It's rare for Hiei to project the calm that he usually maintains inside--it's easy to be angry in the City, at least on the surface, moreso after an ally is injured. But there are plenty of people to be angry, and Leo is relatively safe, and he's had his fighting urges out with Yusuke, so Hiei can afford to be the calm in the storm.

He leans on the wall and waits, and if Blue wants to comment whenever he leaves the room he can do so.

[identity profile] violentsoftie.livejournal.com 2011-02-15 01:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Mm.

That was it, just a placid 'I hear you' noise from one mind to another. Hiei was a man of few words, after all, when it came down to it.

But his well of calm ran deep, when he chose to dip into it, and he was focused on Blue though he couldn't see him. Time passed, seconds or minutes.

You remain unsatisfied.

[identity profile] violentsoftie.livejournal.com 2011-02-17 12:06 am (UTC)(link)
Consider it a freedom, Hiei suggested wryly, showing a rare sense of understanding. If only a temporary one.

He paused, working over some new thought.

And if the human returns I'll handle it.

In other words, he didn't want Blue to worry so much. He and Leo were part on the "people to be protected" list, whether they wanted it or not.

[identity profile] broroona.livejournal.com 2011-02-18 08:49 pm (UTC)(link)
For the majority of the week, Baroona had quite simply no idea what was going on. Someone was hurt - Leo - he knew that much. He understood why they were upset about it, it would have been the same way if Ares had gotten that hurt back home. But everything else was a mystery to him. One that he didn't feel comfortable asking about. A sense of detachment grew within him along with a vague sense of loneliness that he quickly shrugged away.

So he spent the majority of the week sticking to the background, taking care of the household chores that no one else had time to do. It was the only way he could think of helping. No, it was more like it was the only way he knew how. If this was home there'd be a battle to fight, a king to protect, the promise of being a comrade in arms to comfort a friend; a fellow soldier. Here, those things meant nothing and not for the first time in his life, Baroona found himself searching for a purpose, or at least something to do.

He was cleaning the kitchen when he heard a loud noise from Blue's room. Tentatively, he went up stairs to investigate. He hesitated at the door, debating whether or not it was worth it. Whether it was something he should stay out of. But then there was that soft, near-quiet sound of sobbing that he knew so well, and Baroona found his hand turning the doorknob. Opening the door wide, he stood in the doorway and stated the obvious.

"You're crying."

[identity profile] broroona.livejournal.com 2011-02-19 02:41 am (UTC)(link)
Baroona was unaffected by the display. He closed the door behind him, granting them privacy. Leaning against the door, he took his cigarettes out of his pocket.

"Why?" Pulling out a match, he lit up, finally looking at Blue when he was finished. "It's not unnatural." He breathed out smoke from between slightly parted lips. His voice was casual but something about it suggested a kind of understanding. What Blue was feeling wasn't unfamiliar to him, after all.

He watched Blue calmly for a few long minutes before motioning towards a chair or something.

"You should get up off the floor."

[identity profile] broroona.livejournal.com 2011-02-19 03:57 am (UTC)(link)
Baroona watched the display, sighing. Holding the cigarette between his lips, he walked over to Blue, propping him up in a sitting position. He sat down next to him, sighing out some more smoke.

He thought about what to say. That he knew what Blue was feeling? A possibility. But the truth was he could only guess. He didn't want to assume anything. Why he was this upset was clear: a friend had been hurt, and. Well. All that other stuff that Baroona really didn't understand. But having a friend get hurt? He knew about that. Wanting to protect someone? He'd been doing that before coming back here.

He didn't look at Soldier when he spoke, quietly and reserved.

"My master told me once that guilt is a useless feeling." He takes the cigarette out of his mouth and thoughtfully examines it as he continues. "'It doesn't help you or anyone around you.' He said." He put the cigarette back between his lips, falling back on the bed, arms behind his head. "If you don't like the way something's going, then change it."

[identity profile] broroona.livejournal.com 2011-02-19 04:59 am (UTC)(link)
Baroona's brow furrowed and he propped himself up on his elbows.

"Why do you have to be anything?"

[identity profile] broroona.livejournal.com 2011-02-19 05:16 am (UTC)(link)
Baroona's eyes narrowed, a quick frown flickering across his face as he rolls the cigarette between his lips. Choice has always been a sensitive subject for him. It came from living a life where he had none. Part of his packaging, if you will. And now, hearing someone refer to not having one? It irked him. A lot.

But he held that in. A skill he had learned as a gladiator. A skill his master had taught him.

But that was a different story.

He sighed, a puff of smoke billowing from his mouth.

"They're your friends. They don't need you to be anyone but that to them."

[identity profile] broroona.livejournal.com 2011-02-19 07:50 am (UTC)(link)
There's a slight twinge of discomfort as that mental thing happens again but it quickly fades. He ignores it, for the most part, instead focusing on Blue's reaction. Studying it. It's clear the guy doesn't believe him, at least partially. But why is unclear. There could be numerous reasons, and Baroona struggles to decide whether he should ask about them or not.

He decided against it. There was no need to pry. No need to further aggravate the atmosphere.

He finishes his cigarette and takes out another, thinking. Thinking about what to say next, about what his words will do, about what memories his words will bring up. The silence stretches on, the only sound the soft exhale of smoke.

He thinks back to Blue's title, finding it odd. Even as the champion gladiator, Baroona was always referred to by his name. Not "Champion Baroona" or some other variation on the form. He thinks of asking about it. It could prove beneficial to drag the conversation away from the serious. But it could also be potentially crippling, causing Blue to seal up into his earlier mental state.

Which goes against the goal of "I want to help this guy".

Finally, a question hits him. One that should have been obvious from the start. He takes a drag on his new cigarette, staring at Blue's back.

"Do you doubt your friends that much?"

[identity profile] broroona.livejournal.com 2011-02-19 06:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Baroona glanced at Blue, confused.

"Enough of what?"

[identity profile] broroona.livejournal.com 2011-02-19 08:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Resisting the urge to smack Blue in the back of the head was hard. It was as if the guy hadn't heard him at the beginning. Ah well, what was the harm in repeating, right?

His tone gains an annoyed edge to it.

"Then learn." The annoyance fades away, his voice turning softer and more... embarrassed? He puts out his cigarette, turning to look out the window that's somewhere in the room. "...Learn with me."