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WHO:

ohnoyousquidnt
WHAT: Karkat tries to break some bad news. He ~~succeeds~~ no I'm kidding there is awkward failure
WHEN: Evening, Sat. 26
WHERE: Baketsu Sushi
WARNINGS: Graphic Fish death
FORMAT: No1curr Imma start with Quicklog

[As Feferi rounded the street corner that Karkat had indicated, she carefully considered her words. This dinner was going to make or break Sollux's trust for them, and the news wasn't easy to take. How would one tactfully say "I'm going to die?" Sure, he said it a lot on occasion, but it was much easier for a Mage of Doom than a Witch of Life to say.]

Is it this way? Hmm...

[She glances at street signs of restaurants curiously]

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"Yeah, whatever."

He was going to do this right. He was going to be tactful and just rip the stupid fucking bandaid off and then Sollux wasn't going to blast him into the afterlife with his stupid psychic headbeams. That was exactly how this was going to go, and everyone was still going to be friends afterwards.

Of course, he'd decided that they should all go out and eat uncooked earth seadwellers.

It had seemed like a good idea at the time.

"It lookth like it. Can we jutht pick a place and go inthide?" Sollux complained. "If we walk any further I'm going to drop dead and jutht lie there until one of you dragth my corpthe thomewhere else."

The vitriol of his words, of course, was tempered a little bit by the fact the restaurant was right in front of them (and that he was holding Feferi's hand and had been almost the entire time).

"Look, thee, thith ith it. Let'th jutht get thith awkward dinner over with." Why couldn't he have gone somewhere with his girlfriend alone?

"Sheesh, excuse ME for being excited to try this 'su-shee' stuff." Feferi rolled her eyes.

Entering the bamboo-gilded restaurant, she stopped to bend down to admire a pondful of koi fish, swimming lazily about.

"Aww, look at these, Sollux! I think they're just the cutest little guys ever!"

She turned around to grin at Karkat.

"Halibut you?"

"Oh, shut up." He hissed at Sollux without looking over his shoulder. "No one is doing any fucking corpsedragging, especially not your sorry ass." His shoulders hunched a fraction more, and his frown deepend. He'd had enough of dragging unconscious bodies around.

Feferi's questions shook him out of his thoughts, looking at the creatures in question. "Yeah, sure, they're absolutely fucking adorable." He pushed past her with a roll of his eyes, strolling past the host and picking a table seemingly at random. One with a wall behind him, of course. If anything so much as honked, he had one less direction to frantically scan.

"Nah," Sollux dismissed the koi, "way too much competriton for cutetht fith. And nobody can hope to beat Feferi Peiktheth in a cute-off. Thee ith thimply the betht there ith."

Karkat, meanwhile, merely got a matching eyeroll in return, which was much more effective now that he had pupils. Karkat getting the wall was okay, only meant he could sit next to Feferi. Which, really, he had been planning to all along.

"Haha, I guess so!" She giggled, taking a cup of tea that a waitress had set on the table.

But before she could take a sip to test it out, she heard something in her mind- something unsettling.

Oh, man. Oh man, we're in for it, Bob. What'll my fry think of their old dad now?

"Did...did the two of you hear something?" Feferi asked suddenly.

"Augh, do you two think you can keep the overwhelming pityparty to you gogdammed selves? I have enough to worry about without having to listen to the two of you go on and on and on and fucking on about how great you both are and how amazing it is to be flushed for each other, holy shit."

A grunt, and Karkat resisted the urge to drop his face into his hands. He was just (more) irate (than usual) because he was distracted. Too distracted for one more team member to go totally batshit and start hearing things. "No, just the defeaning echo of being the only creature of moderate intelligence in any given room. But believe me, I'm used to that."

"Yeth," Sollux responded immediately, the jackass. Hearing things? He could hear the shit out of things. Literally, shit. His ears were the universe's giant waste receptacle. "But we all know that tho I won't go into my perthonal problemth, which I'm working on, Vantath, before you make thome athhole remark, at the dinner table."

He gave his tea a look, like it was secretly plotting against him, before deigning to take a drag of it, wishing he hadn't a moment after. Way too hot. Great, and now he looked like a complete moron nursing his tongue in front of Feferi.

Hmm, there was definitely something off about that voice behind her. As she absently picked something from the menu to order, Feferi felt a sense of increasing wariness creep up on her.

T-...Tell my spawn...I love them...GAAAACK

"Holy mackerel, what's going on here...?"

He snorted without looking up from the menu in front of him, eyes narrowed intently. Gog, half this stuff sounded either disgusting or bland. How did humans stomach it? "Sure you won't, asshole. Not like you jump at the chance to go into your persona-" He was cut off by Feferi's exclamation, and finally deigned to pull his head out of the menu to look at her.

"What's going on here is that I'm ordering some fucking... Whatever the shit 'sake sashimi' is." Karkat raised his eyebrows at Feferi, peering at her over the plasticised list. "Do you want any, Piexes?"

Oh god, Feferi better not be getting the voices. Was he fucking contagious? Was his pity some kind of mutant-brain-transferring disease? Clearly, this had to be his fault.

"Karkat, thut your conthtantly yammering chute for half a thecond, would you? Thankth, great, you're jutht going to keep talking, aren't you." Yes, yes he was, by all accounts. But he had... bigger fish to fry, to so speak.

"What the glub are you talking about, FF?"

NO!!! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, LANDLUBBERS!!! NOT AS LONG AS THIS OL' SQUID LIVES AND BREATHES-ERK....

"They're killing them! They're killing fish here! That's-"

Was this what human cuisine was like? If what she was hearing was how it worked...

"That's not culling them properly at all. What kind of place did you take us to, Karkat?!"

"So what if I am? Like I'll stop gifting the world with my wisdom just because Fangs McBifurcationeroticism decides he'd rather hear about how completely out of her tiara-bestowed head his girlfrien-"

Another blink, and Karkat managed to shut up long enough to stare at Feferi. "Wait, what? Uh, yeah, I guess they are. I don't know, humans eat a lot of stuff. I thought fish would make you feel more at home or something."

Well, things had just taken a turn for the incredibly morbid.

Sollux took a precious silent moment to stare at Karkat, the kind of stare that only came around once in a generation, the stare to end all stares.

"You are tho fucking kidding me right now it'th like a jokebook got thet loothe on the entire rethtaurant. Knock knock, who'the there, Karkat Dumbdouthche Vantath!" Sollux railed, his head slamming down into his hands for some serious pre-migraine management. "More at home?! THERIOUTHLY?"

"Oh noooooo," Feferi groaned as their waitress arrived, with plates of undoubtedly fresh, raw salmon.

"What did you do, Karkat? What did you do?"

"What did I do? I brought you fuckers to get some gogdammed nourishment, what does it look like?" He shook his head sadly, trying to stifle the sinking (and somewhat familiar feeling) that he'd fucked up real good. What was the big deal? So, she lived underwater, she could still eat human fish. If not, she could man the fuck up. Right?

Seriously.

Karkat sighed. "Augh, whatever. You're both just going to be huge picky bitches aren't you?" He tried to stab the proffered fish with one of the little sticks his seat had been provided with.

"Thith ith way beyond PICKY, KK," Sollux snarled, pushing away his plate of sashimi and crossing his arms. "We don't take you to a crab plathe to eat, do we? Yeah, thee, don't pretend you wouldn't freak out about how we were threatening you through our choithe of dinnerth, like the crab wath your BLOOD KIN or thomething."

He was too dumb for threats, though. This was just outright callous stupidity, not a subtle jab at Feferi. Clearly, something was not wired right in Karkat's head, somewhere, possibly near his pityswitches.

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