capeandcowllogs | episode #5436543

[when the door opens, terra doesn't immediately take notice. she's pacing a bit near the window, turning her communicator over in her hand like a stone, and only stops when he speaks up. looks his way; lost-in-thought expression is looking up google maps.]

Hey.

[another heavy exhale, tugging the door closed behind him; the excess force encourages it to bounce and stay open a crack. as usual. he don't curr.

as he trudges in, he's dusting off his shoulder, sending a couple feathers down.]

Did anyone take responsibility for the animal nonsense today yet, or-?

[~~hey, she's supposed to be the only bird in your life zel. even if she hasn't been one in months. shut up.~~ terra looks a little surprised at the question, glances at the comm in her hand, then back his way.]

Oh. Yeah, someone calling himself "Superking Bender."

[~~it's not his fault the chicks just flock to him WOW THIS IS A PUN ON MULTIPLE LEVELS~~ a grumbling noise.]

Super nothing...[slumping onto the couch with...less-than-slumping care. no need to break the upholstery.] If someone doesn't take care of that soon...

[~~hideous wordplay is the best wordplay~~ she nods, absent-minded.]

Yeah... they're not even really worth fighting.

[because someone would just set vermin on fire. anyway, she's back to turning her comm over in her hand, though the pacing's halted for now.]

[siiiiiiigh, leaning on the arm with an elbow, cheek-in-hand. the audience is welcome to applaud his current level of relaxation in a room shared with attractive girl.]

[attractive girl who isn't even complaining that he's tracking feathers into the apartment. she paces once, twice back and forth, before she too drops into a seat on the couch (with much less care than him; her buck-five weight is probably as much as one of his hands). comm gets dropped to the table.]

[beat; terra finally actually looks at him.]

You're not hurt, are you?

[tilting his head, glancing at her from the corner of his eye.]

No. It was just birds.

I'm glad. [she sits up a little straighter for a second.]

Oh, hang on. You've got— [INVASION OF GIRL HANDS trying to pluck at feathers stuck in wire hair.]

[FREEZE, GAWK, BECOME PURPLE. check, check and check. he is good at all of these things in tandem; not being able to feel much of it doesn't keep a dude's imagination down.

ENDURING SILENCE...]

[because living together platonically totally means grooming your roommate is acceptable behavior, right? sure. after a couple seconds she relaxes back into the couch.]

There.

[A SMILE. most feathers wind up tossed aside, but one she keeps in hand. she looks away; smile fades, feather gets twirled back and forth between her fingers. distracted distracted distracted in thought.]

[he is not used to this level of adorable at all. he remains in holy-shit-girl-touching-me mode for a while. a good while.

he blinks down at the feathers on the floor before turning his head to stare at her.]

[she doesn't notice the staring; terra's staring at the feather, brows furrowed and lower lip pinched between teeth. more accurate to say staring through the feather; she doesn't seem to be focused on it all that intently. clockwise twirl; counterclockwise twirl.]

[well, for several seconds she doesn't; eventually she blinks, eyes focusing, and she looks back at him.]

[sup]

Er--

[HAHA WHAT ME STARE? NOPE. checkin' out this here table. table full of nothing.

he gets up and moves around the couch to the dining table to rifle through the junk he tends to just let pile up there. his comm's buried under some of that stuff, so.]

[oh

okay...

she goes back to being super thoughtfully quiet about THINGS, still playing with that dumb feather. when some of that rustling dies down, she finally speaks up. SHOCKER. and non sequitur.]

There's a couple new arrivals... from my past.

[feather-twirl.]

[he's just retried the comm, tossed it lightly in the air and caught it by the time he hears that. he glances over his shoulder, starting to turn. not sure if good...]

Who?

[she doesn't turn his direction to speak, but her voice is clear enough to be heard despite it.]

A guy calling himself Squall... and someone he calls Kuja.

[read: she doesn't know for sure if these are their real names. read: shouldn't she know that if she's met them before?]

[he makes a sound, considering. he can't recall hearing the names over the device - then again, he's not too good at keeping track...]

Do you know them? Are they dangerous?

That's the problem... I don't remember either of them.

[she stands, starting to pace again when she talks.]

From what Squall told me... he and Kuja were fighting on opposite sides of a war. Cosmos and Chaos... and that I was there too.

But I fought on both sides.

[he frowns, following her with his eyes, picking at a stone on his chin habitually in thought.]

Do you believe him? That Squall person.

[she hesitates for a second, but nods.]

Right now... I don't have any reason not to. He recognized me the moment he saw me, and Kuja as well, and none of us are from the same world. His and Kuja's power both... it's more similar to mine than anyone I've met in this world.

[a more confused frownyface.]

Similar power...but still from separate worlds?

[she nods again, pacing once again.]

When I ran into Kuja, we talked about it. He felt like he might have been from my world, but he'd never heard of any of its cities...

Squall said that we were all brought from different worlds to fight in that war. Sort of like this place, but... closer together? I don't know how to explain it.

[taking a step himself while she's explaining, stopping to lean against the wall, arms folded.]

I guess it wouldn't be that strange, since a place like this is possible, but...[hrm. glancing back up.]

What do you think about all that?

Confused. [hey, at least she's honest. the pacing slows once again, but she's talking more to the floor.]

Because... if what Squall says is true, then that means one of them will be my enemy. But if I fought for both sides... then how can I know who I can trust? Why did I switch? Is it like...

[she puts a hand to her temple, more effectively blocking her face from view.]

Why do I always have to forget...?

[he considers all that in a long silence, slowly sending his gaze elsewhere in thought.]

I don't know how important it'll be to remember right away...even if you could. Or whether being one person's enemy or not will matter. Here, at least. [looking back at her.]

But a lot of that's up to you. What you want to do about it.

I don't know. It's more than just...

[she shakes her head, still hiding] It feels like I'll always pick the wrong path.

So?

[sorry, girl. he's already gotten grilled about this woe from the old man downstairs, none of this is 100% his reasoning:] You have people here to back you up if things go wrong. Just do what you think's the right thing after you consider everything.

I have you. [a concession; it may have been unfair to her other friends in the city, but not being warriors or fighters in the way she was used to, it was hard for her to think of them providing that sort of support. but now it is back to the couch for more moping.]

But I... [flopping down; hunched spine, elbows on knees, a hard sigh.] What's the worst decision you ever made?

[oh wow I have you is definitely not said the way zel's brain takes it but when did that ever matter; his head turns pretty quickly, clearing his throat and folding his arms all the tighter against that. boy that there is an interesting ceiling, ayup.

he grunts a little at the question, lips pursed with the effort to stop feeling/looking ridiculous; it's sobering enough to some extent.]

Trusting Rezo. And that deal with Illidan.

[behold the small mercies of not looking at one another while talking; terra misses his initial reaction, staring towards the junction where floor meets wall.]

How many people have died because of that? Because of something you did?

This...[he grimaces.] It's not a contest. You're not the only person who makes mistakes, dammit.

But when I make mistakes, I'm not the one who suffers. Zelgadis, I've lost count of how many people have been killed... because of me. Because of choices I made. That's not counting the ones killed when I—

[her voice cracks and she forces herself silent. she muffles her face into her hands, fingernails digging hard into her forehead and cheeks]

[double grimace across the sky whatdoesitmean.

it means this is hella awkward and uncomfortable and a little bit frustrating, that's what.

heavy exhale through the nose.]

It's not like you wanted bad things to happen. It can't be helped. You wouldn't have done something if you knew how bad the consequences were, right?

[he's right, but she doesn't know how to explain that good intentions don't undo whatever consequences turn up; that acknowledging a bad choice doesn't prevent her from making another one, and another, and another. instead, silence festers around her, and she keeps her face painfully hidden behind clawing fingers.]

[he can't grimace any more than he is, but he can grunt a little on his exhale, pushing off the wall and standing up straight, staring down from where he is, facing the couch.]

Whether you do or don't do something...have the decency to at least believe you're doing what's best. If you can't do that...Then there's no point in trying. You're not a damn fortune-teller. You don't know what will happen until it's happened. [like getting turned into a freak and then helping resurrect dark gods etc etc...

he huffs a little, shaking his head. he can't believe he's doing much good - someone call geddoe to do the grunty pep-talks. he shifts his weight a moment, leaning away and then starting to skulk off to the other room.]

[she didn't want to admit aloud just how scared she was. of messing up again; of getting someone hurt, of leading any number of others to their deaths. of getting herself killed at a distant third. it felt like iron hanging on her shoulders and neck, pulling with a weight so heavy she wondered if she might topple over where she sat.

to think she was doing the right thing... who could believe that? the only good decisions she made were ones that fell in her lap, or ones her companions suggested to her. the more independent she had to become, the more she floundered.

but it never seemed to stop anyone from believing in her. did it? zelgadis was one of the more recent and strangely constant ones, but no matter what world she was in, no matter what she'd done, what she'd been forced to do, people kept believing in her.]

Wh—

[it felt like something cracked and dry was stuck in her throat; as she rose to her feet,—]

Zel, wait—!

[—forced its way out her mouth.]

[the sound makes him stop, looking over his shoulder. hell, it was better than meandering off with no clue what to do, right?]

What?

[her hands hang with uncertainty in front of her, as though trying to grasp something unseen for stability. he's not really in a position to look her in the face, but terra's gaze wouldn't be able to meet his eyes anyway; she struggles to find words written in the discarded feathers.]

You... how can...

[her voice trails off, one hand coming up to dig nails against her hairline, as if she could simply tear her muddled thoughts and mixed up feelings right from her skull and lay them bare for him to see. it would be easier than trying to explain.]

How can I what? [he's...not really sure what's going on anymore. her posture doesn't give him much to go by: angry? confused? sad? should he be concerned? he's starting to think so; things are starting to sound real uncomfortable.

not that they weren't already.]

... have so much faith in me.

[her hand falls limply to her side, but she stands a little straighter, finally looking up.]

[he stares at her with a fairly blank look, head still cocked to a side in his 3/4th angle away from her. a few small realizations come to mind, but somehow stay under the surface of his skin, rather than parading around like most every thought that bubbles up.

he blinks, then shrugs.]

You haven't let me down yet, so. [the utter coolness of that moment doesn't sink in until he's turned around again and then WOW MAN THAT WAS PRETTY COOL...AND EXHILARATING. it squares his shoulders as he starts walking again with a stupid expression on his face.]

[while his shoulders are straightening up, terra's sag, suddenly heavy. Funny, she thinks, turning away from zelgadis as he makes his exit, her dropping back to the couch.]

I've done nothing but let you down...

episode #5436543

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