capeandcowllogs | WE DON'T HAVE TO STAY FRIENDS

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WE DON'T HAVE TO STAY FRIENDS

WHO: Karkat "Failknight Blabbermouth" Vantas and John "Not a Homosexual" Egbert.
WHERE: At the Renfaire, somewhere around the edge of the village.
WHEN: Saturday afternoon.
WARNINGS: THIS IS PRETTY HIDEOUS.
SUMMARY: The Mage of Doom supplied Karkat with some of his eldritch magics, in the form of a love potion. Or, uh. A hate potion. Yeah.
FORMAT: Para.

Karkat Vantas was not desperate. It was a thought that had occurred to him on a whim, something stupid and offhand that his instructor had mentioned, and a casual request of Captor that he hadn't expected to be fulfilled. Imagine his surprise when the mage had rolled his eyes and said of course he could make that, who did he take him for.

Which was complete excrement, of course. There was no way this was going to work.

But, since he'd sat through Sollux's bragging and actually had the elixir now, he might as well give it a shot.

"Egbert." He rasped, narrowing his eyes at the other kid as he wandered past. Leaning against the fencepost with his shoulders slouched, he tried not to think about the vial in his satchel.

Karkat Vantas was not desperate. He just really needed a worthy rival in his life.

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The day had been no less exciting for John so far, though far less of getting people to make magical mind altering potions and a lot more wandering around watching the festivities commence while keeping an eye out for any rough looking types that might cause problems for the good people in the village.

Of course, John was still a boy, but that didn't mean he could not keep a vigilant eye out for signs of danger. It was the duty of a knight to protect, and well... John did have pretty big dreams for the future.

With his head in the clouds he almost didn't notice the other boy until he heard the sound of his name. At which point John was fast to snap out of his daydreams and turn his attention on the other kid.

Now here was the problem John was faced with, he was fairly certain he'd never seen this boy before in the village (or outside of it, not that he was really aware of that fact either), but his voice sounded somewhat familiar. And the boy seemed to be familiar with him if nothing else. There didn't seem to be any reason in not acknowledging him.

"Aye?"

Oh gods, that expression. That stupid, vacant, numbskull expression. Karkat just wanted to stomp over and sock him in the jaw to knock it off of his face--

No. No, that could wait.

"John, correct?" He tried again, trying to keep his heart from jumping into his throat. There was no sense of recognition of the boy's face, nothing to say that he'd even noticed Karkat before.

Fine. So be it.

"From squire training, remember?" Oh, that hurt a little. Having to remind the imbecile where he should know him from. There went his pride!

From training? Well John definitely remembered training, but he still wasn't sure he could place this kid's face. He had no reason to believe he was lying though, since it was clear he knew who John was. Still, he felt bad that he couldn't return the recognition.

With an apologetic smile, John nodded once. "I participate in squire training," he agreed, unsure of what to say beyond that. How obvious was it at this point that he wasn't sure who he was talking to? And how offensive was that to the other boy exactly?

A sigh, and a shrug that turned into a hunch of his shoulders. How dare he. How dare he not notice that they were basically on par! They had been tied for almost every exercise, were dead even for the the best out of the current crop of kids in training. Any time either one of them received praise, the other would soon enough.

They should be fighting for the top spot tooth and nail, and this kid didn't even know who he was?

"Yes, I'm aware. So do I." Karkat coughed into a fist, and rifled through the bag slung around his shoulder. Where was that blasted container? "I wanted to give you a... A token of fortune, as a show of good faith."

Now John felt really bad! Not only was he unable to remember this guy's name, but he was also being nice enough to offer him a gift as a sign of good faith. John wondered if there was anything he could do to return the token.

"Save your presents, if you will," John insisted, holding out his hand as if to stop Karkat from digging through his bag. "Or if not, allow me to offer some favor in return before accepting such a thing, as I have nothing more I can offer in return."

That was suitable, right? If John couldn't give him a proper gift back, he could at the very least offer to aid the boy in some way or another. It was only right.

"I will not." He insisted. He insisted so hard. Or, at least as hard as he could without being intensely creepy. He wasn't Eridan, for gods' sakes.

"A favour will do, if you feel you truly must, though with any choice I must insist it is needless." There. Got it. Thankfully, Sollux wasn't such an imbecile as to put his potions in exotic looking bottles. It was just a plain, serviceable bottle, filled with a clear yellow liquid. Gods knew why, but the magician seemed to have an affinity for the colour.

Karkat held the bottle at arms length, eyes still narrowed at his fellow squire. "Here. I can only hope that it is to your liking." John had better take it, too.

With a grateful smile John reached out to accept the bottle from Karkat. It was nice of the guy to offer him a gift like this. Though he still wondered what he could possibly manage to do in return for such a... a...

What was this exactly? John held it up over his head to get a better look at it, frowning thoughtfully as he swished the bottle around a couple of times.

"I thank thee for thy gift, and wish to restore the kindness you have offered me. But pray tell what is this concoction I now hold?"

"Merely a beverage, some elixir to quench your thirst before the next match, or perhaps on a hot spring day." A day like today, even.

There. It was out of his hands now, literally. All Karkat could do was nudge the imbecile along, hope that he went for the bait. Well, and hope for an effective outcome.

But really, anything would be better than the 'Great job out there today!' he heard at the end of every practice session.

Nothing too uncommon then! What luck! John would have no idea what to do if there was something special about this drink, like say some sort of magical properties to it. But ha! There was no way that could possibly happen. After all his new friend here (who's name he still had to ask at some point in the near future) had assured him it was just a normal drink.

So without a second thing John loosened the top of the bottle and down the drink down. It took a second for John to register the odd taste, but as the other boy had said it was a hot spring day and a drink was a drink.

Finishing the entire elixir John examined it to make sure nothing was left in it before placing the bottle in his own bag and turning to offering Karkat a friendly smile.

"I must ask for your name. To accept a gift from you and be in your debt, I should at least know that," John insisted.

"Karkat." He blurted, almost leaning forward in his excitement. No, no, that didn't sound like a normal introduction. "Karkat Vantas." He restated inhaling and giving the other boy a curt nod. Just an acknowledgment, the awareness that they were both deserving equals.

"I can but only hope you enjoy it." He tested, and turned his head sideways. All the better to gaze and Egbert through the very edges of his peripheral vision with, my dear.

"Karkat it is then." John nodded in agreement. Yes, the more he thought about it, the more that name did ring some sort of bell in the back of his mind. It really was unfortunate John couldn't seem to place him better than that. At the very least he could assure him that he appreciated his gift!

"Greatly! It was much needed after such a long day. I thank you for it," John said, a large smile still plastered on his face.

That stupid smile again. There were very few words in the one language he knew that could encapsulate his hatred for that smile.

"You're most welcome." He forced the congratulations past his teeth, though it pained him. Obviously Captor had made a mistake. The potion hadn't worked, it was just a waste of everyone's time. Why did he even bother listening to that moron?

"Well I do hope--" What did he hope? Something in him felt that he didn't want to express that. "That we will meet on the field again, sometime soon." That was the best he could do, wasn't it?

"Yes. I hope we are--" John stopped himself mid-sentence, frowning slightly. That was odd, he felt... strange. Like something in his chest was tightening in an unpleasant way. His brow furrowed as he looked curiously at Karkat.

He still couldn't place him, but maybe that was a good thing. There was something outright unlikable about the look of this guy. John wasn't sure what it was... maybe something in the face? It was just sort of sickening to watch him.

How was it that John had been standing here talking to him for several minutes and he hadn't noticed it before now. And what was that he was about to say? Something about hoping to meet him again soon as well? Maybe. Certainly on the fields he'd have a chance at a fight with Karkat. The idea of getting to hit him sounded pretty good right now. The guy sure as hell deserved it at least.

"I hope so too," John finally got out, but by now the goober smile was gone, and there was some bite to his tone of voice.

Man, he was going to maim that magician. At least the charlatan hadn't charged him for the product in anything but time (and having to listen to his complains). And at least he hadn't gotten his hopes up. What a waste.

Still, this irritation might be getting the better of him. Obviously, there was nothing let to say, so he might as well get back to his duties. Karkat considered the psuedochallenge a decent farewell, and lifted a hand as he turned to walk away.

And of course, opened his big mouth while he did.

"Not that you could hope to win, of course."

Who did this Karkat guy think he was just walking away like that? And... why did it make John so angry that he was so flippant with him? It must have been that he was saying that after giving him a gift! Yeah, that was probably it. He was acting like they were going to be friends, or something of the sort, and now he was telling John that he wasn't good enough? That wasn't fair at all!

"I would trounce you!" John said quickly, before Karkat had a chance to turn tail and flee on him.

He wasn't sure what possessed him to make such bold claims, but he couldn't let those kind of insults of his skills in battle go unchecked... right?

Hah! That was a good one! A worthy adversary Egbert might be, but trounce? There was absolutely no way any victory over him could be, well, decisive.

Karkat spun on his heels, jabbing an index finger into John's chest. "You can keep dreaming about that, because it'll never happen! I'll absolutely thrash you, d'you hear me--"

Wait a second.

Waaaaaaiiiiiiit a second.

Was this actually working?

John scoffed, unable to keep the look of disdain off his face that the very idea that Karkat would be able to defeat him. It wasn't even that John was all that confident about his own skills, but he didn't want to think this guy could take him down that easily, and he definitely didn't want to let him think he could beat John easily in a fight.

"I would destroy you," John assured him with a solemn nod.

Most of the time this would be the moment where John was unable to keep up his facade and burst out laughing. Who said things like that anyways? That sounded so over the top and ridiculous, but right now John was dead serious about it and the look of disgust didn't leave.

It was working. He couldn't believe this. It was working.

Holy shit.

This might just be working. This might just be working. He had his rival.

"Yeah, I bet you would." Karkat spat, straightening his spine nad filling his lungs until he was almost taller than John (almost). "I'll rip you apart." He spat, turning his head until he was glaring at Egbert out of the corner of his eyes. Maybe they were... Just bantering. Having banter. That was a thing that happened, yeah?

Realizing that some kind of ridiculous stand off was going down, John quickly shifted position so he could stand up straight himself. For a brief moment he debated standing on his toes to make himself taller, but for fear for Karkat noticing and calling him on it John opted to leave both heels firmly planted on the ground. For extra measure though, he put on his best "fierce" face, which probably would have been a lot fiercer if the muscles in John's face were used to the concept of scowling, and his teeth didn't stick out so much, sort of ruining the affect of those impressive flat line expressions Dave was so good at pulling off.

"Would not!" John corrected him quickly, just to make it clear he was not backing down from the challenge, even if he lacked any good retorts to something like that. He'd used up his best line already and was sort of left with hasty, and less than impressive sounding 'nu-uh!' type replies at this point. He made a note to himself to work on his comebacks for the (what he was sure would be numerous) future run-ins with this Karkat kid.

Okay, that facial expression was pretty entertaining. More silly than anything, really. And his comebacks lacked the sort of sting that Karkat would have preferred. But whatever, the imbecile was making an effort now. That was what counted.

The cogs in his head were still a little creaky, still recovering from the fact that Captor might actually have done something right. "Yuh huh." No, wait, he could do better than that. "If you're so sure about being just as good as me, why haven't you proven it yet?" Okay, better. At least somewhat threatening.

That was actually a good question. Damn Karkat and his trickery! Wait, John had an answer for that! Up until today he hadn't even known who Karkat was, so it wasn't like he could really prove he was better than Karkat if he didn't know the guy existed. Well, whether he liked the guy or not there was no reason to be dishonest about the reason.

"Because I didn't even know who you were!"

That didn't seem like enough of an answer though. More like an excuse for not proving himself, and John couldn't just leave it at that. That would be so lame on his part. "But I can prove it right now!"

Ha! There, a challenge. Lets see how Karkat dealt with that!!

All of the trickery. Karkat was just nothing but deception and tricksiness, he was.

And that... That was really a bigger insult than anything John could have actually tried for.

"Didn't know who I am?" Inhale. Exhale.

"I was only top of the class until you got here. Only tied with you for first place for the last few months. Why should you pay any attention to me?"

Not bitter, not bitter, he wasn't bitter. He wasn't going to be bitter all over the poor imbecile. Despite how much he deserved it. He was bigger than that.

He was, however, not bigger than snipes.

"Maybe you should have paid better attention, mmmm?"

That was stupid! If Karkat was as good as he was claiming to be then John would have easily noticed him. It wasn't like he was oblivious of most people... most of the time. He was pretty good about being aware of his surroundings, and he was almost certain that Karkat hadn't done anything to stand out in any way.

Okay, so if he wasn't lying and he was top of the class too, that was technically standing out, but apparently he wasn't doing it in a noticeable way.

"Maybe you're just really boring!" John blurted out. Again, not the smoothest in the way of comebacks, but he could probably expand on that.

"Maybe you're just so boring I don't want to notice you." Okay... no, that didn't even make sense. Maybe he should just trying punching Karkat and see where that got him? That would probably work out better for him than trying to do this verbal battle here.

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WE DON'T HAVE TO STAY FRIENDS

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OH GOD ANCIENTSPEAK

Re: OH GOD ANCIENTSPEAK

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YES I BACKLOG MONTHS LATER IS THAT OKAY.,

THAT'S COOL! No worries, bro :)

/PLOWS THROUGH OLD TAGS >8T

\o/

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