I got nothing witty [COMPLETE]

[blk-arachnia.livejournal.com]

WHO: Blackarachnia & Optimus Prime
WHERE: The park -> Down town?
WHEN: 2/24; afternoon-ish
WARNINGS: 'Bot talk.
SUMMARY: Blackarachnia runs into Optimus and then has lunch with him.
FORMAT: AIM...para-ish?



The city park, Blackarachnia had become to realize such a place wasn’t as nice as she thought it would be. Children running around, screaming during the day. Weirdos running around at night. It didn’t matter though, the Decepticon needed a way to get some cash since she had yet to find a job. And as she had noticed mother’s often left their purses unattended while focused on their younglings.

She was just about pleased with the amount of cash she had gathered for the day when she decided one last target would be good. Ah, there. A tall man who seemed to be minding his own business as he walked along, he almost seemed oblivious to everything around him.

She kept her head down as she made her way toward him, barely brushing against him as she reaches for the usual place males kept their wallets.

Without warning, a small hand was down the back pocket of Optimus Prime's pants. He jumped a little, and whipped around with precision, grabbing the person who was either "molesting" him or "robbing" him (he was familiar with robbers, and had only read about molesters) but taking care not to break the person's wrist.

Of course, he was quite surprised to see a very familiar face. "... Blackarachnia?" he asked, completely confused. "Why were you sticking your hand in my back pocket?"

Blackarachnia hadn’t expected that, she quickly looked up red eyes going wide. Oh slag, was the only thing to go through her head. She had three options here, tell the truth, lie or change the subject. She opted for option number three.

“Optimus, what a surprise to run into you here.”

"You didn't answer my question," he said.

Great, he couldn’t just let it drop. Okay, option number two then, lie.

“I don’t know why you think my hand was down your back pocket. I suppose it might have bumped you as I walked by.” Although that didn’t explain why she had been walking so close when she passed by him, but she hoped he would buy it.

Optimus frowned. "My pants aren't that loose," he replied, nodding down. And of course, since they were the jeans he'd arrived in, they were indeed fairly close-fitting. It was obvious that he would have noticed if a hand was in his pocket.  "Unless you bumped me in a really weird way..."

Blackarachnia let out a sigh, of course he was right. “Hn, if you really must know.” She hated having to tell him the truth. “I was going for your wallet.” she mumbled. Although now that she knew who’s wallet she was going after she realized she wouldn’t have gotten much from it.

"Oh." Of course, Optimus's frown didn't go away at that news.  "Who else have you stolen from?" he asked, disapproval evident in his voice.

“No one.” she replied. Of course she wasn’t going to tell him the truth.

Even if he was kind of your boyfriend a thousand stellar cycles ago, Blackarachnia, Optimus isn't going to believe you that easily. He folded his arms and continued to stare her down. "You know, you could just get a job, and you'd make more money that way."

She frowned up at him, hands going to her hips. “I’ve been looking for a job, just nothing suits my taste.” she said, waving a hand in the air. That was the truth. Although she had been kind of interested in working at a garage but obviously the owner was sexist. He chose to hit on her the moment she walked in to inquire about the job. Needless to say that ended badly, poor guy, luckily she got out of there before anyone could realize what had happened.

Optimus sighed heavily. "Maybe you shouldn't be so picky, then."

“It’s not my fault all the jobs around here are so…boring.” she hissed at him.

"Well I don't know what to tell you then." Optimus replied, giving up. "But if you're going to commit a crime, then I'm going to have to take you to the police." Optimus Prime, the eternal bot scout. "I'd rather not."

Blackarachnia had to chuckle at that. “You really think you can keep your hands on me long enough to take me to the police?” it almost sounded like a challenge coming from her.

"I can try," Optimus answered. He'd found, through somewhat secretive experimentation, that he hadn't lost one bit of his normal level of strength when he'd been a robot. It had probably been a good thing that he hadn't actually hit Starscream the other day. Sure, he absolutely detested the Decepticon traitor, but he didn’t want to be responsible for taking his life.

“Even if I poison you?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. “I wouldn’t to since I don’t have as much control over the dosage just yet but if I have to I will.” Otpimus would probably taste better than that greasy mechanic anyway. She really needed to figure out a better way to poison people should she need to. Biting them was gross, no telling what kind of illness she could pick up.

Oh, right. That. "I'm not the only hero in the city, Blackarachnia."

“I know that.” she replied, rolling her eyes. “But honestly there’s bigger things to deal with than some petty pickpocket.” She cringed, referring to herself as such hurt. She shouldn’t need to do such things. She should have other’s doing things for her to make money. Where were the Dinobots when she could really use them?

"Then just work for a living. It's not that bad."

“I’ve got to find a job I can stand first.”

"Well, keep looking, if you want to find one."

“And once again we get back to this, I have been.” This subject was growing old. “You know it’s been wonderful talking to you but I’m getting a bit hungry. Have you eaten lately?” She was inviting him to eat with her, why? Because she figured if being nice to him kept her on his good side maybe she could use him later on.

"Not since lunch, why?" And a guy of Optimus's size needed to eat a lot. Something about his... metabolism? (that's what wikipedia had said) made him go through fuel faster than a hummer.

“Would you care to join me for a meal somewhere? My treat.”

Now, Optimus Prime had a spark-given objection to using stolen money, and fraternizing with a Decepticon (even if she used to be one of his best friends) went against his programming. But she also obviously wanted some company, and given her issues with organic beings, and that the other two Cybertronians around were company she didn't particularly care for...

Well it was a tough decision. "Alright, but tell me who its from so I can pay them back when I have the money."

There. That way they both won.
Blackarachnia frowned. “You know, I haven’t a clue. It’s not like I pay much attention to who it is I took the money from. Besides it not like I took everything they had, that’d be too noticeable.” She thought about it for a moment. “I tell you what, when I get a job if I happen to see those I took money from I’ll repay them then.” A blatant lie but if it put Optimus’s mind at ease that it was all for the better.

Prime really needed to learn to stop being so gullible. "Okay. I'd appreciate that."

The Decepticon flashed him the most sincere smile she could manage. “Any suggestions?” She wasn’t too sure on what she’d want to eat. She’d read about Italian food and supposed it sounded good but she didn’t bother to see if there were any such restaurants nearby.

What would Blackarachnia like? So far, Optimus had eaten hamburgers, several packages of ramen (which was obviously low in nutritional value but it was THERE and he was hungry), some "Easymac" and sandwiches. He had yet to try pizza, but he couldn't think of any places that sold it. But there was...

"There's a restaurant that the guys at the fire station told me about - I think they said it was called 'Mama Mia'. It's near the station, anyway, if you want to eat there."

Blackarachnia had been living off whatever she could find in her cabinets and fridge. Most of it wasn’t very healthy but it kept her stomach from growling at her and kept her from passing out.

“That is a strange name for a place to eat.” she commented before thinking about it. The name itself didn’t give much information as to what they served but she wouldn’t know unless she went there. “Sure, that sounds good.”

"Great!" Optimus sounded a lot more enthusiastic than he had meant to, but really. Blackarachnia had asked him to eat with her, which  meant that she was warming back up to him. Maybe...nah, don't get your hopes up, Optimus.

He headed towards one of the park's many entrances, and beckoned her to follow. "It's this way."

She followed after the Autobot, staying a few steps behind him. For someone reason she couldn’t understand her eyes kept focusing on his rear. Maybe it was because his tight pants just called attention to it.

“This station you spoke of, what is it?” she asked. She didn’t like the silence, the only time she liked it was when she was reading. She’d grown to used to the bicker among the Decepticon crew and that of the Dinobots.

"It's a location where the City's fire department houses their vehicles and equipment, and the men working there wait while on duty for an emergency call. I... well, I thought it'd be fitting for me to get a job there." Optimus chuckled a little at the idea of a fire truck working as a fire fighter, but hey. He was used to it, and liked doing anything he could to help

Of course, she should have known. “Always striving to be a hero.” she mumbled under her breath, frowning slightly. Except that one time. Her jaw clenched as she forced back those thoughts.

Cut him some slack, he regretted that moment every nanoclik of his life. Optimus slowed down a little, matching Blackarachnia's pace, and glancing down at her. "I never got to ask... aside from working with the Decepticons, what were you doing all those stellar cycles?"

“Trying to find a cure for my curse.” she replied flatly. “Now the only curse here is being human.” She laughed bitterly, for so long she’d tried to purge her organic half and now... “The universe has a sense of humor.” she remarked, looking down at her hands.
"Look on the bright side - at least you've got a servo up on the rest of us." Whoops, probably not the best thing to say. Optimus hastily cleared his throat awkwardly, and glanced away, deciding that a subject-change was in order. "I wonder what kind of food the place we're going to serves..."

Blackarachnia shot a glare in his direction, eyes glowing brightly.

“We’ll find out when we get there.” she replied after her anger had subsided.

Yep, definitely the wrong thing to say. Ugh, he could be such a glitchhead sometimes. "Lets just hope it tastes good." taste was something new to Optimus - burgers were a yes, ramen was definitely turning into a no, for example. It was interesting how fine-tuned, yet vastly different, the human body was.

Taste was something new to Blackarachnia as well. She was discovering that so far everything she had eaten tasted pretty good…except that first thing she tried to cook. She wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to forget how bad that tasted.

“I certainly hope so.”

And after a bit, they were in front of a nice-ish restaurant with "Mama Mia" in big red letters on the front. The smell of garlic and simmering meat wafted out the front doors. "This is it," Prime said, gesturing towards the door.

Once inside, the hostess looked up at the two, obviously bored. "How many?" she asked, snapping her gum.

"Two, please," Optimus said with confidence. He'd actually been paying attention when Sari told them about restaurants.

"Name?" the hostess asked, drumming her fingers and rather obviously checking Optimus out, though the autobot remained blissfully unaware.

"Uh... Price," he answered, a bit more awkwardly. The hostess informed them that it would take about five to ten minutes, so Optimus gestured to a seat nearby.


It certainly smelled good.

While Optimus might have been unaware Blackarachnia wasn’t, she felt jealousy seethe up in her and quickly looked away. Why should she be feeling such a thing? She took a deep breath and looked back over at the Autobot as he gestered to the nearby seats.

“Price, huh?” she asked as she sat down. She hadn’t thought of what she should be calling herself. After all, Blackarachnia was not a suitable name for a human.

"It seemed boring enough that no one would notice. Fooled Starscream, at least." There was no note of pride in his speech, though, and instead Optimus frowned significantly at the mention of that incident. "Apparently a lot of people, even hu-- people I've never met before, know who I am and think really highly of me." He looked at his hands and muttered, "though i really have no idea why."

“Fooling Starscream isn’t that hard of thing to do.” she replied flatly. “His ego is so big it’s the only thing taking up his head.”

Blackarachnia was surprised by that. Lucky for her she could glide right under the radar. “Huh, I guess it’s a good thing you’re not Sentinel, then.” Even when they were younger, the tiniest bit of praise would go straight to his processor, swelling that ego of his. She imagined he wasn’t any better now.

“I wouldn’t know either.” she said with a shrug.

"Oh boy, once he got over the shock of being human - and that's assuming he did - all the praise would go straight to Sentinel's processors." Of course, that made Optimus wonder what Sentinel looked like as a human. "chin'd probably be the same size..." he wasn't aware that he'd said that last part aloud, but.

Blackarachnia laughed at that. The image of Sentinel as a human was very amusing.

Blackarachnia's laughter surprised him, and he turned towards her, looking about as surprised as he felt. "That funny?"

“Quite.” she replied with a small chuckle. It felt so strange to be laughing at something Optimus had said. It almost made her feel like she had so many stellar cycles ago. But that was the past, she couldn’t go back to the way things were.

The hostess then called out "Price, party of two," and it took Optimus a minute to realize that they were calling him. But he stood, once he figured it out, and gestured for Blackarachnia to follow him as he followed the hostess to a table.

Blackarachnia stood and followed after the hostess and ‘Price’. As they walked along she peered at the other tables curiously. Some of the food on people’s plates looked pretty good and Italian. Well, looks like she’d get a chance to try it after all.

Once seated, Optimus leaned towards Blackarachnia. "What kind of food is this? Have you seen it before?"

“Italian.” she replied. “Lots of carbohydrates, beyond that I don’t really know much. Some of the recipes I read seemed like they would taste pretty good. And if the smell it indication it must taste good.”

"Too many carbohydrates can make humans gain extra weight and slow down their systems," Optimus said, reiterating what he'd read.  "But in moderation, like everything else, they can be useful. And you're right, they do smell good." He picked up the menu, and started reading. Spaghetti, ravioli... so many strange words, and he hadn't the foggiest idea what to order. Maybe he'd ask the server when they arrived what was good.

“So I read.” she said, that flat tone present again. She picked up her own menu and looked through it. There was a lot on the menu, most of which she hadn’t even come across when she did a bit of reading on Italian foods. “Hmm…” The fettucini alfredo with chicken seemed like a good choice, the image of it made it look good at least. Although the idea of eating another animal’s flesh disturbed her, which was just plain weird given how much she hated fleshlings. It could be ordered with a vegetable instead, broccoli, which looked like a small tree.

She mulled over it for a moment before setting down her menu, she’d just go with that.

Oh, pictures. Those were very helpful. Optimus looked at those for a bit, peering at the menu, before deciding on cheese ravioli. They looked like little pillows with red sauce on them, and it was probably as good of a try as anything. He set his menu down as well, and waited (a bit awkwardly) for the server to arrive.

Awkward was an understatement. Blackarachnia didn’t know what to talk about now, maybe inviting him to eat with her had been a mistake. She turned her attention to the pattern of the tablecloth as she waited.
Optimus drummed his fingers on the table. Why did he say yes to this? It was extremely awkward, and really, what could he talk about with Blackarachnia that wasn't painful memories of the past? ... Pleasant memories of the past?  Or Maybe... "Hey, I know I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone, but you can keep a secret, right?'

Blackarachnia looked up, surprised that he would trust her to keep a secret about something. “I suppose I can.”

"It's about Sentinel. The Elite Guard came to Earth shortly after the Allspark exploded, and, well..." Optimus tried to suppress a chuckle at the memory.

“Oh and what happened?” The suspense was getting to her.

"Did you ever see the Headmaster unit that some crackpot at Sumdac Industries made?"

“I don’t believe so. Why?”

Oh boy, he had to explain. Well, they had time. "Basically, a human inventor made a device that, er, decapitates robots and plants itself on their bodies, taking over the systems. The man who invented it, Headmaster, rode inside it and could control the body."

“Mmm, I see. So what does that have to do with Sentinel?”

"well, Masterson liked to go after the biggest and best bots he could find. So he went after Sentinel."

Blackarachnia was starting to get the idea of where this was going and chuckled.

"I had to help him get his body back. Even so, it was... pretty funny."

“I’m sure that was a blow to his massive ego.” she replies with a laugh.

"Not really. I could have told Jazz and Ultra Magnus, but he was already pretty embarrassed. I don't need him giving me grief any more than he already does."

“Well, that isn’t any fun.”

"Yeah, well, you know how Sentinel is," Optimus said sheepishly. "Bruise his ego enough and he'll hate you for the next thousand solar cycles. I mean, I had already ripped his arm off and kicked his head across the room."

“You…kicked his head across the room?” Oh that made her laugh and it made her laugh hard. The image was just too great.

"Yeah. And..." and with a surreptive glance around the room, Optimus leaned closer. "Don't tell anyone but I kind of enjoyed it."

Her laughter died down into a chuckle. “I didn’t think you had it in you to enjoy something like that.”

"Well... he kind of deserved it."

“I’m certain he did.”

And then, finally, the waitress arrived. She gave her spiel, and Optimus placed his order: cheese ravioli and water.
Blackarachnia ordered the fettucini alfredo with broccoli and a water as well.

The waitress trotted off to get their orders, leaving them to converse. "The headmaster got Starscream, too," Optimus said.

“It did? Oh how could I miss such a thing? I’m sure that was a laugh.”

"Well, you weren't there when Megatron tried to open the space bridge, so you missed it. It wasn’t' very funny at the time, since... well, we were in the middle of trying to keep Megatron from going straight to Cybertron Headquarters, but in retrospect, yes. It was funny."

“This is what I get for being such with the Dinobots and then on my own.”

Eesh, touchy subject area again, but Optimus was still curious. "Speaking of that... why did you leave the antidote there?"

Blackarachnia looked down. “I only kept my word.”

"Oh. well... thank you.'

“Whatever.” Things were feeling awkward again.

Optimus was starting to feel a little like he was carrying the conversation, but he'd agreed to come, and the awkward was uncomfortable. "What did you think of Earth when you first arrived?"

“Just another planet full of organics and crude technology.”

Oh. Optimus was now totally at a loss for what to say, so he sat there and tried not to pout.

Blackarachnia continued to stare at the tabletop in awkward silence as they waited for their food.

It was a very awkward few minutes until their food arrived.

As soon as the waitress had set their food on the table and left Blackarachnia dug in. She hadn’t been sure what to expect but she was greatly surprised to find she liked this food.

Optimus, of course, enjoyed his food as well, but ate slowly enough to enjoy the taste.

She had to go take her time with her food, keeping it on the fork was a bit difficult. Too much or too little and it would fall off. Maybe next time she’d get something that didn’t fight back.

"How is it?" Optimus asked after a few minutes of quiet eating.

“Not bad.” she replied after another bite. “What about yours?”

"It's good," he said. "Definitely better than ramen."

Blackarachnia nodded in agreement as she fought with the noodles to get them on her fork.

"Um..."  Optimus said, watching her. "Try spinning your fork around"

She tries as he suggested only to get too much on the fork, watching with an annoyed look as most of it slips off and with a splat lands on her plate. Not one to bested but something like her own meal she gave it another try, this time with less of the noodles. Of course it worked, but she had to move quickly to get it to her mouth because the noodles still wanted to fall off.
Wisely, Optimus tried and managed not to laugh.

Had he laughed he might have found a face full of webbing…although that wouldn’t have been wise so it might have been noodles instead.

Optimus finished his food, and fiddled with a roll.

It took Blackarachnia a little longer to finish due to the fight her food was putting up. She had decided while eating that she didn’t like the thick part of the broccoli too much. After she had finished she sipped at the last of her water.

"That was really good," Optimus said, feeling pretty satisfied and leaning back in his chair a bit. "Thank you for inviting me."

“It was.” She popped a piece of ice in her mouth. “You’re welcome.” she mumbled, looking over at one of the photos on the wall.

Optimus followed her gaze to the wall. "What are they of?"

"Looks like a bunch of hu-people to me." she said with a shrug. She didn't really care about the decorations on the wall.

He started fiddling with the ice, feeling anxious and a little awkward. What COULD they talk about now?

What could the talk about indeed? Honestly Blackarachnia was just hoping the waitress would come back with the bill soon so she could head home and do some reading. She drummed her fingers lightly on the table.

And finally, fortunately, the waitress came with the bill.

Blackaracnia dug out her stolen cash and handed it to the waitress. “Keep the change.” she said as she began to get up from the table. Of course the change was at least five bucks, not that the Decepticon cared.

Oh well, it was a nice tip? Optimus thanked the waitress, and followed her out.