capeandcowllogs | tell me would you kill to save a life

Entry tags:

tell me would you kill to save a life

WHO:

manlytear
WHERE: Charles' apartment
WHEN: Tuesday evening
WARNINGS: Angry Erik and disappointed Charles. Potentially some manly tears.
SUMMARY: Continued from this mess. Erik wants to kill people and Charles is unhappy about that.
FORMAT: quicklog

[Erik does not waste any time in making his way down the hallway of the MAC building to Charles' apartment. He leaves his communicator in his own apartment. He does not want this conversation to be disrupted, and if it's an emergency then people have other ways to contact him.

He knocks at the door firmly, and wonders-- not for the first time-- if Charles must already know that he is there.]

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[ Charles most certainly does know that he's there, and he's at his door almost before the man has knocked. He's feeling guilty and the weight of it shows in his blue eyes, though he does not say anything about it when he answers the door. He does not even apologise. Not yet. ]

Erik.

Come in.

[Erik enters the apartment without saying a word. His powers close the door behind him and he faces the younger man.]

Charles.

[ Charles does not like the look on Erik's face and he takes a small breath, before he gestures to the couch. ]

You know you may... make yourself at home. [ Charles had been prepared to close and lock the door and he frowned when it was done for him, successfully removing one extra mindless task that he'd felt he'd needed. ]

Do you want anything? To drink or eat?

[Erik nods, making his way over to the familiar seat.]

No thank you, Charles. That will not be necessary.

You are angry with me. I do not blame you. [ Charles crosses the room then and takes his own usual seat, across from Erik and watching him both with curiosity and guilt in his eyes. ]

Please, Erik. I did not mean to offend.

[Erik sighs, closing his eyes for a long moment before looking at Charles.]

I like to think that you still have faith in me. That the things that you have been told about me are not tainting your opinions.

[ Charles was watching Erik, hoping that the sincerity in his eyes was clear as he did. He was considering his words carefully, as he did not want to lie to his friend and meant to be completely honest with him. He ran his fingers through his hair once and dropped his hands into his own lap. ]

Of course I have faith in you, Erik. But I also know that you are — more powerful than anyone can imagine, and that frightens me. I will not lie to you, my friend. I will not keep my feelings from you if you do not wish it.

There are times that I am cautious, because I would prefer not to see you go down the wrong path. This is... this is not new to this world, these feelings.

[Erik gives a nod. He is silent for a long moment, seeming to consider Charles' words.]

The last thing I want in this world is for us to turn against each other.

[ Charles just stares at Erik, before he's swallowing and pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose. It is a thought he's had before, and one that he absolutely detests. He's sighing very gently as he looks up to Erik a second time. ]

I know that, Erik. I agree. I could not stand the thought.

[Erik is beginning to regret that he had turned down the offer of a drink.]

I do not want to be your enemy. I do not want to become a man whose goals and agendas get in the way of his family. I want to improve this world, Charles.

[He gives a low sigh.]

It is hard for me to make myself believe that Shaw and men like him deserve to live. It is hard for me to accept that their continued existence in this world will not only serve to cause even more suffering.

[He is not lying to himself. He knows that his primary motive has always been revenge. But there is more to it than that.]

[ Charles just watches Erik while he speaks, and he knows that part of him agrees with Erik — he wants to agree with Erik, though it is so hard. He hangs his head as he debates his further words. Is he in the wrong? Is that why it is so hard to defend himself in Erik's presence like this?

Hardly. Charles knew he was correct in his thinking, even with Erik's disagreement. ] I should not wish death on anyone, Erik.

I understand your desire to improve and change this world. I do believe you, my friend; I do.

But your methods are not the same as mine. [ Charles glances up at him again and his brows are both raised and knit, almost pleading for Erik to at least find some shred of agreement here. ]

And I cannot stand behind yours.

[Erik takes a deep breath before standing and heading over the the liquor cabinet, well aware with its location and contents. He withdrew a bottle of scotch, pouring a glass for each of them and handing one to Charles before returning to his seat. He downed half of the glass rather quickly before returning his attention to Charles.]

I want to say that you do not have to get your hands dirty. I will do all of that myself. But I do not think you will be contented with that solution, will you?

[ Charles was hardly blind to the way his companion rather inhaled his scotch — impressive, and almost disheartening. Charles was shifting his weight from one side of his body to the other as he leaned to the left, rubbing fingers through his hair and beginning to look almost exhausted. ]

You know I would not be. That would imply that I agreed with your actions.

I do not imagine that we could simply agree to disagree.

[ Charles is frowning quite deeply, and he takes his own long sip of his scotch as he considers what, exactly, he ought to say to Erik. ]

I am afraid it would not work that way, my friend. [ He looks pained to say this and he cannot quite meet Erik's eyes; he's sighing deeply and rubbing a hand through his hair in a moment in his worry. ]

I cannot — be comfortable with your methods. I could not condone them. Being merely beside you as you perform acts of killing? I could—I could not allow that, for myself.

[Erik gives a sigh, running his fingers through his hair. He is silent for a long moment.]

I want to promise you that I will not do it again. But I do not want to lie to you. If we return to our own world, I cannot promise that I will be able to stop myself when I am face to face with Shaw.

[ Charles seems to be considering Erik's tone with more depth. He does not want to further disagree with him, lest they part ways with one another — a thought that suddenly seems all the more real to him in this setting. He's sighing very deeply and he hangs his head a second time, incredibly discontent.

He did not want to be angry with Erik. That was the last thing he wanted. It showed on his face, in his displeasure and most of all, in his extreme worry. He did not want to be the one to drive them apart. Quietly, he said as much. ]

I do not want to be the one... to separate us, Erik. But I am sorry, I... I cannot become an accomplice to you in your desire for murder. [ If that phrasing were extreme, Charles meant it; for it were nothing else to him but murder. ]

[Erik rubs at his forehead for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut as though willing this whole conversation to go away. But part of him knows that this discussion was inevitable and necessary.]

And when his colleagues who did not evade capture were executed after the war, was that murder too?

[He finishes off his glass of scotch. It seems to take all the self-control he has left to prevent himself from slamming the empty glass down on the table.]

There is no justice for what he has done to my family, to my people. This is the closest I can get. You wish to deny me that.

[ Charles is looking entirely uncomfortable now, and it shows in the way he's shifting his weight from one side to the other in his chair. He does not need to read Erik's mind to feel the anger there; his emotions are clear enough without the aid of his mutation. Charles wonders if perhaps he's said entirely too much, which is not something he does often — and he leans forward, touching Erik's fingers with his own over his glass, eyes pleading for him to calm down. ]

I — admit that I may have spoken rashly. I apologise for that. Erik, please. [ Charles cannot justify killing in any way; it only begets more killing, and he does not believe it a solution to anything, though it is difficult not to at least partially agree with Erik's words. ]

I would not deny you that. I only would not—stand beside you. [ He's whispering this when he adds it; his voice sounds so broken. ]

[If it was anyone else, Erik would have pulled his hand away, allowed himself to let his anger overtake him at this point. But the feeling of Charles' hand on his own accompanied by the apology is soothing, and the look in his eyes is enough to almost make Erik feel guilty for his anger. Even without the use of his powers, Charles has an uncanny ability to make Erik relax, evident ever since the moment they first met. He is far from calming down completely, but at least it now seems that he will do so eventually.]

I would not ask you to stand beside me. [He sighs.] I do not want you to become involved in that, Charles. [He does not want to call Charles innocent, but he is thinking it clearly enough.] I simply ask that you do not hate me for it.

[ Charles looks sufficiently surprised by those words. He's raising his brows and he sits back somewhat, glad for Erik to have calmed, if only a little. He clears his throat and sets his hands in his lap, watching Erik in a momentary silence; which is something that is almost difficult for Charles. ]

I would never hate you, Erik. Regardless of your actions. [ Charles sighs, watching his friend with furrowed brows and complete sincerity. It is not in him to hate anyone — Charles believes himself to be without the capacity for such things. While he believes this to be a facet of his morality, he does not dismiss Erik's implications that he is only innocent. Perhaps that is it. Perhaps, because Charles has not been subject to the same depth of human hatred and sheer monstrosity of man — perhaps that is why Charles is so apt to believe.

Maybe it is innocence. Maybe it is naivete, as Erik had so righteously accused before they'd even arrived in this City. Charles did not discount it entirely, though it did nothing to sway him. He sipped his liquor in silence and let out a deep breath of which he'd not known himself to be holding. ]

I can never hate you, Erik Lehnsherr.

[The relief that passes through Erik at those words and the sincerity behind them is strong enough that it is certain to be noticed by Charles, even if Erik's outward displays of it are very subtle. The tension in his shoulders dissipates just a bit.]

I think that is all I wanted to know.

[ Charles' own expression softens as he watches Erik and he says nothing just yet. He watches him, then smiles very softly and reaches for his hand a second time — covering it with his own for a bit longer before he lifts it. ]

That is what you needed, my friend?

[It is obvious that Erik takes great comfort in having Charles' hand on his own. He closes his eyes for a long moment before giving a small nod.]

Yes.

[ Charles still seems somewhat unsure and he's still shifting his weight as if it is impossible for him to become comfortable in his place on the chair. ]

I hope there are no hard feelings, Erik.

[After a moment, he gives a slight shake of his head.]

Of course not.

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