capeandcowllogs | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

WHO:

sweetvalleygirl
WHERE: Bender's 'office'.
WHEN: Thursday afternoon.
WARNINGS: None!
SUMMARY: Bender has decided to tutor Jessica on the ways of business. Unfortunately, he does not know anything about business that won't break some federal law.
FORMAT: Action to start, but anything goes!

[Bender has put on a tie and jacket for the specific purpose of attempting to look like he knows what he's doing. He paces behind his desk, as if in deep thought, but he's really just thinking of something that rhymes with orange. There must be something! Suddenly, he stops in his tracks and opens up his arms in a philosophical pose.]

The first rule of business... Is to make money!

[He stares off into the corner of the room for a while to look deep. A couple of seconds later, he scans his eyes over to Jessica.]

Are you making notes? Because this stuff is priceless!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Jessica, on the other hand, is playing with the tips of her pigtails. She looks up, nodding eagerly.]

Oh yeah! I've got a really good memory! Rule number one: make money!

Good, since money is what drives the world!

[He poses his hand to his chin thoughtfully, tucking one hand into his jacket pocket.]

I believe it was the great Abraham Lincoln who said: 'Money is great for buying stuff'. And that's a philosophy I stick to!

That's a really good quote. I'll totally be sure to remember it.

[She twirls her braid absently.]

What other advice does he have for making lots of money?

All in good time! First, I've got to teach you the vital skill of management of both your time and your money.

[He sits down at the desk, pulling out a list of names from one of the desk drawers. He hands it over to Jessica.]

Now, if you'll observe the copy I have given to you, on it is a compiled list of every single chump in the city. By each name, I have given them a chump rating out of ten, so I know who I shouldn't waste my time on.

[If Jessica looks at the list, she'll notice that Tony's name is circled twice and her own name has a chump rating of four out of ten.]

[She scans down the list, pouting exaggeratedly.]

Hey! Why am I on here, Bender? I'm your business partner!

I put everyone on that list! Even myself!

[Naturally, he is a 0/10 in chumpiness.]

It's useful to have a list of these things, especially with all of these people coming and going.

I guess that makes sense.

[She studies the list intently.]

What's with this Tony guy? Why's he so important?

Tony Stark is only the most generous and best guy this side of me! We're pretty much best friends.

Just don't accidentally murder him. That doesn't go over well.

I don't usually murder people, so I'm pretty sure he's safe from me.

Good. Accidental murder can be a real dealbreaker!

[He sits down in his chair now.]

Now, of course, you've got to make sure you give off the right image. I, for example, appear handsome, intelligent and completely trustworthy.

What sort of image do you think I give off, Bender?

If I said 'pretty', would you pay me something?

I might give you... a hug.

[He takes a few seconds to deliberate.]

Fine. You look pretty.

Aw! That's so sweet of you, Bender!

[Here! Have a super friendly hug!]

[He begrudgingly accepts that hug. It's not like he likes hugs or something. Also, he takes a couple of bucks out of her wallet.]

Yeah, I'm just a nice guy deep down.

Who would've thought!

[Obliviously grinning.]

So? What's my next lesson?

Let me consult my lesson plan.

[He reads through the page quickly. It's a shopping list.]

Let's cover business etiquette. Now, how would you greet a new business prospect?

Um... how about, 'Hello! I'm Jessica Wakefield and I have a business proposal to discuss with you!'?

Eh. Jessica Wakefield doesn't sound business-y enough. What's your middle name?

Um. [She looks so embarrassed.] Arlene.

Arlene? Geez, your parents must hate you.

What? No! My parents love me! They just have horrible taste in middle names!

What's your mom's name then? There must be someone with a good name in your family.

Her name is Alice. And my aunts are Laura and Nancy. Nice, normal names.

Yawn. How about... Esmerelda?

Bender, that name sounds completely made up.

It sounds intelligent and professional. Plus, it would suit your eyes if you had green eyes.

So maybe I should change my name to Sapphire, to match my blue eyes.

Do you want to be a stripper or a businesswoman? Esmerelda is far more professional.

I don't want to be a stripper! Ohmigawd!

Then don't call yourself Ruby or whatever you just said! Listen to me, I'm an expert on both strippers and business.

[huffing and sighing] If you say so, Bender.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only