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(no subject)

WHO: Joel and OPEN
WHERE: At the firing range
WHEN: February 16th
WARNINGS: None planned
SUMMARY: Joel's getting some time in at the firing range.

Joel had some free time this Thursday, having gotten to work a bit too early. The whole situation going on in the City with shapeshifting aliens and the usual cases of less than sane Imports killing people had been bothering him too much to stay home. He was debating getting everyone coffee out of habit when he remembered Seras had suggested he needed more time in the firing range. Speeding down there, he got himself set up.

He's down there right now, firing at a target. It's pretty clear he needs more time there, only managing to hit around the center of the target. As he runs out of ammo, Joel frowns and presses the button to bring the paper over. "I thinking I need a different gun..." he mutters, examining the bullet holes in the paper.

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Sometime during the firing, Joel's boss slips into the range and watches. Once Joel's done firing, Jack comes up behind him. He's frowning as he looks at the patterning of the holes. "You haven't used guns much before, have you Joel."

Jumps, tensing and looking for a moment like he's ready for a fight. He relaxes quickly when he sees its Jack. "No, sir," he admits, rubbing the back of his neck. "I had a few lessons on using them before I joined the force but other than that I never really touched them other than taking them away from criminals."

Jack nods. That's about what he thought, and it's an issue. He holds out his hand. "Let me see your weapon."

Joel nods and quickly hands his gun over. Its just a standard issue police pistol. "Yessir. Here it is."

Captain Bauer takes it, checks it, aims it downrange, looks down the sight. "It doesn't look like there's anything wrong with it." He lowers the weapon and frowns, then looks back at Joel.

"Joel, have you ever killed anyone before?" He's pretty sure he knows the answer already.

Joel watches quietly, paying attention to Jack's actions. "That's good at least," he remarks, pleased he wasn't using a broken weapon. When asked that question, Joel pales slightly.

"No sir. Never."

Which is just about what Jack thought. He holds the gun in his palm, out to Joel. "This," he says, "is a tool for killing people. If you're not ready and willing to use it for that purpose, it probably explains something about why you're having trouble."

Jack pauses for a moment, weighing what he wants to do here, whether he wants this young man to become a killer. "You've got powers most people can only dream about, Joel. That gives you options for handling situations that ordinary people don't have. But this job isn't safe or pretty. There's no guarantee you'll always be able to just knock a bad guy out."

Joel reaches out to take his weapon back, pausing when Jack starts to speak. He looks down as the older man goes on. Its not something he really thought about before. After a deep breath, he finally takes the gun back.

"I make a point not to use my gun unless I can't take an enemy down with my powers or hand to hand moves," he admits. Of course he's never actually fired a shot outside the range.

"That's good," Jack says. He lowers his hands once the gun's back with Joel. "There's no other reason to use it, unless you absolutely have to. But you might have to someday, and I want to know if you've thought about what that's going to feel like."

Jack has never really had that issue, but he knows that most people- people who aren't like him, who don't kill without feeling- are affected by the experience. It's rarely a change for the better.

"Have I ever thought about what it would feel like to kill someone?" Joel's a bit surprised by the question. "No sir. I've...never thought about it. I never even thought I'd use a gun before I got to the City..."

That's also what Jack expected. "If you're gonna use that thing, then it's time to start." Jack goes to the range and spends a minute setting up a new target for Joel, a new paper outline of a person to kill. Then he goes to stand behind Joel, putting on a pair of ear protectors as he does.

"Try it again, Joel. And this time, don't see a target. See a living, breathing person, someone who you have to take down to keep you or someone else alive."

Joel frowns as he watches Jack setting things up. The idea of killing someone wasn't one that he wanted to spend much time on. Swallowing, he nodded when the older officer told him to try again. Quickly checking his weapon over, he took aim. There was a delay as he tried to imagine a person instead of a paper outline but eventually he squeezed the trigger. His shots get a little closer to the center of the target but he'll need more practice before he's as good as others.

Jack nods as the bullets strike home. He can tell that Joel can master the gun. Whether he can master the mentality behind it, or if he should, is another question.

"All right. Looks like that hostile is down. Congratulations, you took them out before they could do the same to someone else. They're not getting up again. How do you feel about that?"

Joel takes a breath as he lowers his weapon. He looks the gun over and then turns his attention back to Jack. There's a long pause before he frowns a bit deeper. "I feel like I screwed up and should have tried harder to find a way to stop them before I had to shoot."

Jack smiles, a little sadly, a little warmly. "You're a good kid, Joel," he says. "But you shouldn't second-guess yourself, not over something like this. The only way to live with decisions like this is to know, deep down inside, that you did the right thing, that there was no other way."

He looks at the paper person with holes in it. He wonders if Joel knows how many real people Jack has put holes into, and what he would think if he knew. "If you doubt yourself, then next time you might hesitate, you'll fail to act. And then you or someone you're responsible for might not be getting up again."

Joel's quiet for several moments, looking down. He really isn't sure if he has it in him to kill someone. Jack's words have him remembering some old fears about team leading back home.

"How do I keep from second guessing myself then?"

"By remembering what the stakes are." Jack answers without hesitating. "By remembering the people that are counting on you to act, the people you took this job to protect. Keep that in mind when you make the call, and you'll be able to live with it."

Joel nods slowly, rolling this information around in his head. It sounded easy enough but he doubted it would be as easy to actually do. Nodding, he looks back up.

"Alright. Thank you, sir."

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