capeandcowllogs | (no subject)

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WHO: The Penguin and The Falcon
WHERE: Outside somewhere??
WHEN: Saturday afternoon!
WARNINGS: uh birdnapping
SUMMARY: Oh, what a beautiful bird, I think I should have it...
FORMAT: Taggers choice!

After the madness last night, things finally seemed to be (somewhat) calming down. He'd avoided the whole debacle quite spectacularily, if he did say so himself. Of course, fingering people for invading aliens was bad for business as well. He'd preferred to remain with the lounge, although it had been a shame that two of his headliners were out of the City right now, that had been particularly difficult.

Then again, he always perservered. And today, in the chill air he (oddly enough) didn't feel, the stout man in a rather fashionable three-piece suit was striding in the sun, his (also very stylish) umbrella in hand, or rather, Percival, but nobody needed to know that. He fondly petted the head of the umbrella, strolling down the street with a self-satisfied smile on his face, turning to light a cigarette out of the wind, before he continued on his walk.

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[ this week had been a nightmare. everything about it had been a nightmare. invading aliens. invading aliens that pretend to be people you knew and loved and it was hitting too close to home and he was freaking out about it, especially because he couldn't do anything. and then the fight in Times Square. he saw that fight. he watched them hurt and kill each other and just.

he was flying to clear his head. he always did. Tobias flew low over the street, wings spread and gliding with his red tail flashing in the sunlight. he was watching everyone as he passed, laser eyes taking in all the details around him but he didn't think too much of anything, lost in his own thoughts ]

[ Oh, oh wasn't that interesting. Oswald was often the kind of guy who took in everything, you had to be perceptive in Gotham. Always perceptive, you never knew where danger lurked, after all. Not that he hadn't been one of the dangers from time to time, but really.

He caught sight of the bird flying low, oh wasn't that beautiful? Hawks didn't often fly in cities like that, did they? He'd always wanted a hawk... ]

Percival. [ He patted the head of his umbrella, and it slowly morphed into a large lammergeier in his hands, the black cloth turning to feathers and wings. ] Care for a flight?

[ Tobias kept low, drifting lazily across the sky. it was strange how quickly things were going back to normal. well, relatively normal. times square was still a broken mess, he could see three broken buildings just from where he was flying. but he wasn't paying attention and for a hawk in another sort of situation, that was a bad idea.

because he sure didn't see the lammergeier coming. ]

[ He had spent weeks training Percival, hiring the best in the business to be certain that the bird would do what he'd trained it to, he couldn't communicate with his birds, after all. Just turn them into umbrellas, but like in most things, he would adapt. He'd pointed out the small bird with a pudgy finger. ]

Catch, don't kill. [ and then he released him, to let Percival do what he'd been trained to. And the bird was... well, it was huge. Oswald watched as it gained altitude, and then swept closer to the small bird. ]

[ the rustling of wings caught his attention and Tobias was turning his head back to see this giant bird flying at him, and then the man on the sidewalk. the one from the video. the one who captured birds.

stupid, stupid, stupid! he hadn't been paying attention and this was what happened. Tobias let out a startled TSEEEEEEEER in hopes of perhaps scaring this bird off, but he knew where this was going and he had to try and get away.

unfortunately, the bird was bigger, faster, and Tobias was completely caught off guard. he flapped his wings desperately, trying to get enough air to fly off but it wasn't working. ]

[ Oswald didn't hurry, he never hurried, if he didn't have to, and as he watched Percival, he walked down the street, admiring his pet's handiwork.

And he watched Percival latch on to the small bird, quite proud of his acquisition. ]

Percival! [ He called it's name, and the lammergeier made a surprisingly graceful turn over the street, before heading back to its master. ]

[ oh god the lammergeier actually grabbed him. he grabbed him. Tobias is shrieking at the top of his little bird lungs, wings flapping desperately, but this bird is huge and those talons are tight and there's no way he's getting out of this hold.

so all he can do is watch helplessly as he's being flown towards that Oswald guy.

oh god oh god oh god.

what is he going to tell Rachel if he ever gets out of this. ]

[ The lammergeier is ridiculously big for a bird, but he couldn't really land and hold onto Tobias, but Lammergeier's had an interesting talent at dropping things, as Oswald had quickly discovered. Percival swooped close, and Ozzie opened his hand, and the large bird flew less than a foot over his hand dropping Tobias neatly into it, before making another circle around.

While the bird did his long, slow circle, Oswald clasped his hands around the bird's wings, examining him without giving him a chance to get out. ]

Aren't you a pretty little thing?

[ Tobias shrieks when he's dropped, lets out another desperate noise when he's grabbed and then starts to wriggle, kicking his little taloned feet. this is crazy! he's being birdnapped!!!

at the comment, he scowls inwardly before leaning out and snapping his beak at Oswald's face, before letting out another TSEEEEER.

this has to be illegal. ]

Aug--

[ He held the bird out from him, although his arms aren't that long. ]

Now, now, I wouldn't suggest you keep that up, little bird. Percival won't have many problems with carrying you instead, hm?

[ And as if on cue, the large bird flaps down to settle back on Oswald's shoulder. ]

[ oh god freaking

Tobias goes quiet, carefully eyeing Percival on Oswald's shoulder. this is seriously happening. this isn't some crazy dream. he is seriously being kidnapped. he stops struggling regardless, though neither of these options seem really appealing to him ]

Good boy. [ He pets it's feathers, even though he's still holding on, and then he smiles. ]

Let's show you where you're going to be staying from now on, hm?

[ tobias' tail flares at the touch and he's seriously resisting the urge to just bite this guy's nose off. he is being kidnapped. and stolen. and then taken to this guy's bird prison?????

oh god why is this happening.

Tobias just glowers at Oswald and makes a disgruntled little noise ]

[ That noise is actually...kind of cute. Awww. ]

Now, now. There will be all the food you could want there, and other birds for you to meet. It's hardly a bad place to end up! I'm surprised you lived this long in the City.

[ Yeah, he's gonna head back to his lounge now. This was the best walk man ]

[ miserable. absolutely miserable. he's just silent and still the entire walk back. the second he's let go, he's making a run for it. ]

[ Alas! When they do finally arrive, it's right to the aviary for him. There are so many birds, and Ozzie's careful to tie him to a birdpost before letting him go. It's really...not that long, sadly. ]

Now, there, see? Look at all these other birds. [ All the big, big birds. ]

[ when Tobias is put down, he's quick to start flapping his wings until he's jerked back down and he realizes that... well... he's tied to the freaking birdpost are you freaking kidding him???

he shrieks angrily but uh... looks around at the huge birds around him and while he may be a bird with a human brain, he knows he's not winning this aerial dog fight. nonetheless, there's another desperate shriek and he's flapping, trying to get away and not really going anywhere. ]

[ He lifts Percival off onto his own pedestal, but the lammergeier doesn't need to be chained to his post. Oswald looks back toward the red tailed hawk, and he even opens a dish of food suitable for a bird of prey. ]

Now while you pitch a fit, [ He starts doling out food to another of the very impressive and large birds. It's an eagle ] I suppose I should give you a name, shouldn't I?

How about Gaylord?

[ ok he has a name. it's Tobias. he has a name and he definitely doesn't need to be named like he's going to be a pet and his name definitel isn't going to be Gaylord.

that gets a really angry TSEEEEEEER and he lunges towards Ozzie, getting jerked back and stopped by the little leash around his leg. so have angry screaming and flapping and just generally throwing a fit. ]

[ He looks over at the bird, narrowing his eyes. ] Really, there's no use fighting! Settle down!

[ oh god what is he going to do seriously. he can't stay here. he can't be this dude's pet. and what about rachel? oh jeez, what about rachel.

he has to talk to him. he has to say something. but he can't -- oh god what should he do....

he perches, glowering as he mulls this over. ]

There now, much better! [ He turns, finally coming over to Tobias, I mean, Gaylord's perch, along with the food. ] I do hope you're hungry.

[ he rustles his feathers, trying to make himself seem bigger than he actually is. this is seriously happening. ok, he needs to get the nerve to talk to this guy. convince the guy that he's not just some bird and needs to be let go.

he'll take the food though. reluctantly ]

[ Oh, now wasn't that better? He held out the bit of food, pretty damn good stuff, too. At least by a bird's standard's. Ozzie actually did care for his birds quite a bit. ]

Ah, very good, Gaylord. Much better. Perhaps with time, I'll allow you to not be chained, once you aren't quite so feisty!

[ Tobias eyes the food for a second before hesitantly leaning forward and then snatching it out of Ozzie's hand, gulping it down with vicious snapping of his beak. after he finished, he started to clean his feathers, mentally debating what the hell he's supposed to do.

because there's no way he's going to settle down for this guy and be a good bird.

this guy who kidnapped him and named him gaylord.

he just preened for the next few minutes, thinking ti over because really, there's only one option he can think of so finally (and oh god is he going to regret this): ]

< Hey. >

[ enjoy that thought-speak in your head, Ozzie. that magical seemingly telepathic voice that comes from nowhere (and also sounds like a pre-teen boy. ]

[ Ozzie had already moved onto one of the other birds, petting it's feathers as he fed, calling it by name, the whole package. He'd barely been paying attention to him, when there was the sound of a boy in his head.

It had better not be a new Robin, since it certainly didn't sound like any he'd met before. ]

Is someone there?

[ His voice was filled with false-bravado, snapping. ]

[ oh jeez seriously is he really doing this? because he could back out now and this guy would just think that he's imagining things. Tobias continued preening his feathers, pausing before replying again a few minutes later. ]

< Over here. It's me. >

[ he hesitated, realizing that would mean nothing since it's impossible to tell where thought-speak is coming from. ]

< The red-tailed hawk. >

[ stupid stupid stupid. ]

[ Oswald had never been crazy, a pretty impressive feat considering where he came from, and who he generally associated with. Despite the few times he'd hoped using an insanity plea would get him an easier sentence (and had failed miserably) he wasn't crazy.

So then why in all that was good in the world was he hearing voices? Ones that said they were the hawk. ]

Oh, please be kind and don't insult my intelligence. [ He said... to the seemingly empty room. He dropped the dish of bird food, and felt around for one of the umbrellas he always seemed to have on hand. This one wasn't a bird. ]

[ oh jeez, he was reaching for an umbrella. he ruffled his feathers and stopped preening, counting to ten in his head before speaking up again. ]
< Good grief. I'm serious. It's me, the red-tailed hawk. You know, the one you kidnapped. >

[ he squawked loudly and flapped his wings to make sure that all attention was on him, while quietly regretting every decision he had ever made while being here. ]

< Yes, I am talking to you. >

[ And Oswald, with an umbrella in hand (and pointed toward the door) stopped and stared at the bird. This was it. He was finally going mad. Transdimensional transportation had finally done what Gotham couldn't. He was going mad, because this was a bird, and it was talking to him. ]

Prove it. [ He spat the words out, sour. His hand shakily felt at his breast pocket. He normally didn't smoke in his aviary (bad for the birds) but this may be a special occasion. ]

< Are you serious? >

[ Tobias ruffled his feathers indignantly, and if birds could scowl, he'd be scowling. ]

< Me telling you that I'm the talking red-tail isn't enough? >

[ well, he probably wasn't helping with the fact that he was doing this through thought-speak. but it wasn't like he had any other way of communicating. this was still a bad idea, btw. nonetheless, he raised one wing ]

< This is me raising a wing. > [ he put it down and raised the other. ] < There goes my other wing. Now I'm going to hop around in a circle. > [ and he did that. ]

< Satisfied? >

[ Oh. My. God.

He had a bird who could talk to him. The bird was talking to him. It wasn't really glee that filled him, but well, Oswald did like rare prizes. ]

Oh. Oh how interesting.

[ He lowered the umbrella, and then he stepped toward Gaylord with a slight grin. ]

And you can understand me. What a curious specimen.

[ oh. and that's when Tobias realized this was not just a stupid idea. but a horrible one.

because he was now a special talking bird revealing himself to a guy who liked to collect birds.

crap. ]

< Yeah, uh. And I can understand that you just kidnapped me and you seriously need to let me go. Seriously. >

[ He looked at the bird with a slight tilt of his head. Did he really--

Of course he did. But Oswald wasn't about to let this go. No way was he going to release this type of specimen back into the wild. He had it, it was his. ]

Now why would I do that? There are so many dangers out in the City, it's much safer here.

[ oh was this really happening. this was his worst nightmare come to life.

(well, ok, it was one of them.)

he rustled his feathers and flared his tail, glowering with those golden laser eyes ]

< I'm a hawk. I can live in the wild. I think I can take care of myself. So if you'd just untie me, I'll be on my way. >

[ Ozzie looked straight at the little bird. ]

Oh come now. It's much better here.

[ like hell he was letting this little guy go. ]

< Are you for real? You're keeping me tied to a perch in a giant aviary with a bunch of other birds who wouldn't hesitate to eat me. >

[ he cocks his head to the side aggressively, leaning forward ]

< I have a nice meadow territory out there with all the mice and rabbits I can eat. >

[ He laughed, holding his side. ]

Really, you may have a meadow, but I have you here! I think this is much more mutually beneficial.

[ ok, that's it. Tobias let out a shriek, lunging for Ozzie only to be jerked back by the leash, flapping lopsidedly before gaining his balance. ]

< -- Gghh!! Mutually beneficial how? You're keeping me as a pet! >

[ He takes a step back, and the other birds ruffle their feathers, stirred by that particular outburst. ]

Why not? I get you as a pet, you get all the food, water, and shelter you could possibly want. It couldn't get better for a talking bird.

[ he's flapping, looking at the other, larger birds and flaring his wings at Ozzie ]

< You're crazy! I'm not your pet! I'm not a pet to a crazy guy!>

[ He does pull out a cigarette then, lighting it with his zippo in his holder, and then taking a long drag, before speaking. ]

I think you have a very loose definition of the word, if you think having a few pets constitutes as crazy.

[ "speaking" very slowly and carefully ]

< You kidnapped a wild bird in the middle of broad daylight. >

And?

[ He takes a long, slow drag from his cigarette, eyeing the bird. ]

You're a bird. A wild bird. You can hardly expect anyone to simply fight for you.

[ a pause and his tone softens. ]

< I hate to sound cliched, but you're making a huge mistake. >

[ He smiled at the bird, smoke curling out in a slow exhale. ]

I don't think so.

< Whatever. >

[ he doesn't sound angry just... a little disappointed? ]

< My name's not Gaylord, by the way. >

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YOU CANNOT MAKE ME PROSE

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