capeandcowllogs | No way, none of this is true

Entry tags:

No way, none of this is true

WHO: Calvin and April
WHERE: Angie and Pietro's (and Calvin's) house
WHEN: Tuesday night
WARNINGS: Hideous
SUMMARY: April is going to babysit Calvin. This is clearly the best possible hiring decision his guardians could have made.
FORMAT: Quicklog

Grown-ups just never learn, do they.

[Calvin is musing to himself as he prepares for tonight's latest babysitter. Considering that one of his babysitters once resulted in the City having dinosaurs, Calvin personally thinks it would be safer to just leave him alone all night with a bunch of pizza, cookies and movies. Yet his guardians don't see it that way and want a night to themselves, so here he is.]

[The good news is that Angelica and Pietro showed some good taste in picking tonight's sacrifice. April is one of the adults in the City that Calvin thinks is kind of cool- in the sense that she once asked him for his blood, that is. Out of respect to her, Calvin has decided to go easy on the babysitter for once. Whatever he does to her tonight, he plans to only leave her with mental or emotional trauma- not both.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[April assumes only two things about kids: they smell and are out to destroy her. For once, she may be close to right. But Calvin was an okay, gullible kid, and that ability to be easily trolled went far in her book. And he liked art. That went even further.

So. She knew exactly what they would be doing until the 'rents got back.

April had two cheap, disposable ponchos (of the 'tourist stuck in the rain' variety) tucked under one arm as she approached the house and knocked, signaling it was time for the games to begin.]

[When she knocks, Calvin is prepared. He will treat April as a worthy adversary, and give her a challenge to match. The door does not open for her. Instead, a little kid yells through it.]

What's the password?

[He totally did not mention a password to April or her employers at any point before right now.]

I have candy.

[Truly, it is a battle of wits. That April faces by using the lines that would use on her/her former boyfriend, who had the heart of a small child beating in his chest.]

[The door flies open immediately. April's boyfriend has prepared her well. Calvin stands in the doorway full of expectations.]

Really? What kind? Is it in the ponchos?

[April steps in. Other than the purse over her shoulder, the ponchos are very clearly the only thing on her person.]

Life lesson one. Everyone over ten lies.

Hey! That's a rotten trick!

[Calvin's face instantly shifts to a scowl. He had such a good password lined up that she would never guess and now 'supercalvinosaurus' will never realize its destiny.]

Here's one for you: everyone under ten will find a way to get you if you trick them with candy.

Bring it on.

[She tosses one of the bags at him.]

Later. Now. Get dressed. We're on a mission.

[Calvin looks skeptical, but he puts it on anyway.]

A mission? The mission isn't 'go to bed early,' is it? Babysitters have sent me on plenty of those missions before.

[ROSALYN...]

No. Sleep at night is for the old and boring.

[She tosses her purse aside and kicks the front door back open.]

We're going arting.

[Calvin's still mad, but he's definitely starting to like the sound of this.]

You mean we're going to go make art somewhere? Do we get to vandalize anything?

[He's right behind you April.]

We're gonna get the parts for art. And blackmail. From the garbage.

[Already pulling on that poncho, yeah.]

We're going to go through the garbage?

[Unsure of whether this is cool or just degrading. Calvin's attitude toward playing in trash depends on the trash.]

Can't you just get the raccoons to do it?

No!

[She looks back at him, aghast. Agog. Horrified.]

Find your artistic soul. The heart of the city is in the trash. And we're gonna cut it up into pieces and steal it.

Oh, I understand now. That seems reasonable. You can find out a lot about a person by going through their trash, so if we go through all the City's trash, we'll find the real heart of this place!

[Calvin is totally pumped for this now because that makes total sense to him.]

And then we can take it and use it for art. Where do we start?

Mm. Anywhere, I guess. Are you old enough to hate someone yet?

[They can take a taxi if they need to. Art knows no boundaries.]

You bet I am! But until the Porter brings in Susie Derkins or one of the bullies from school, all my real enemies are unavailable.

[PONDERING...]

I know! Let's start by going through the Institute's trash! We can make a big mess at the same time and they'll never know it was us!

[She debates for a moment- it's not like school trash will have any horrible, personal things they can laugh at. But it is the City. So who knew.]

Fine. But if it suck's we're going to your teachers' houses.

[Calvin has no doubt that a school full of superpowered kids and teachers has to have interesting trash. And if it doesn't, by golly he's willing to make some.]

That's a good backup plan. Just as long as we don't try the art teacher's house or Mister Maximoff's place. Because, you know... [Calvin jerks his thumb at the house they just left, aka his own.]

Oh my god.

[April blinks down at him, just realizing something. She never asked what people did for a job.]

You live with the enemy.

What, you didn't know? [Because it's not like he ever told her or anything.]

Those two have been taking care of me for years. But they never give me any special treatment in class or anything! No inflated grades, no disproportionate praise, nothing. It's so unfair.

Tch. Why even bother? Nepotism used to get you somewhere in this country.

[Most severe shake of her head. As she gets them a cab to go to the school.]

It's a darn shame, I tell you. I've got connections, but they just say I have to work like all the other kids.

[When that cab arrives, the six-year-old and his big poncho are going to hop inside without any consideration for how odd this may look for the driver. Then again, one imagines that Manhattan cabbies in the City are pretty hard to faze by now.]

[They aren't glowing or on fire, so in the City they're probably good. April slides in after him and gives the address for the school.]

Well. You live with them. Find some blackmail or something.

Believe me, I've been trying. All the most embarrassing stuff about them is already out in the open, though. They don't even try to hide how mushy they are with each other. It's revolting!

[And considering the way Pietro conducts himself on the Network, there's almost nothing Calvin could reveal about him that would get a reaction at this point.]

Gross.

[She wrinkles up her nose. Old people. Weirdos.]

Maybe there's something at school. Like. Hair dye or vegan food.

[Calvin wrinkles his nose right back. Recognizing the oddities and horrors of the aged is one of the pieces of common ground he and April share. Even if he is still going to get her back for circumventing his password.]

There probably will be. There's always all kinds of strange stuff happening at school, and it always leaves behind trash. We'll either find perfect blackmail material, great art or both!

Blackmail is the best art. People pay you not to show it.

[And they're finally there, making April actually have to pause to count out a payment.]

And you do it anyway.

But then you don't get paid for showing it! That's the best part, I say.

[Calvin has his priorities. First fame, then wealth, then crushing his enemies. On that note, he's already running out of the cab before April finishes paying.]

Come on! The dumpster's around the back.

[Kids. She makes a disgruntled noise as she's forced to run after him, poncho flapping along as she goes.]

No taking the good stuff before I get there!

Hah! No promises!

[This is his chance to pay you back for the candy thing April, you brought this on yourself. When Calvin reaches the school's dumpster, he flings its lid upward with his Stupendous Strength and basically dives right in. This kid is going to need such a bath when he gets home.]

[Baths are for people without artistic- er, actually, now that April is diving in after him, year. They are both going to need crazy amounts of baths before the parents get home.

Anyway, she grabs hold of a bag of shredded papers and tosses it out.]

Art junk one!

[Best babysitter.]

What? That's just a bunch of paper. Now, this is art in the making! Look, some kids' failed science project!

[Calvin holds up a cracked and burnt test tube coated with some kind of charred, congealed green wax. Then he tosses it out, as befits art in the making.]

This was a great idea. We're going to find so much art in here.

Mm.

[She pauses, holding up a twirling piece of pencil shavings. She didn't even know they made these anymore.]

I just. Love trash.

That must be why the raccoons obey you. They recognize what you've got in common. Hey, can we still use it as art if it was supposed to be art?

[Calvin holds up a misshapen lump of vile-smelling clay that theoretically could have once been someone's shameful effort at sculpture.]

[She looks at it evaluating. The gives a sharp nod.]

It's someone's shame and failure in lumpy form. Art.

[Calvin nods back and tosses Art over his shoulder casually, then resumes digging.]

How much stuff should we take? Do we have a quota for anything? Ew, orange peel. [Not art, as far as he's concerned.]

More than, like, a bag each and the cab won't take us home.

[She has learned this the hard way.]

Pick wisely.

Can't we just pay them extra to put up with the smell? Look at all of this!

[He holds up a broken plate smeared in something brown and burned, presumably the remnant of tragedy in a Home Ec class.]

There's no way to decide on just one bag full of stuff like this. Think of the wasted artistic potential!

We will live to art another day. Pick a core theme. Like. The pointlessness of even trying. Then come back for more for the next project.

Ugh, fine.

[The plate absolutely qualifies for the pointlessness of even trying, so Calvin tosses it in the pile and then resumes digging.]

We should figure out how big this piece is going to be. How will it be presented? What angle will it display to the audience? I say it should be a great big diorama with music. And maybe something on fire.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No way, none of this is true

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject