Edward Nygma (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
enigmaestro) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
capeandcowllogs2013-02-15 06:17 pm
enigmaestro) wrote in capeandcowllogs2013-02-15 06:17 pm
Another name for the man, followed by the companion of science. What is it?
WHO: City Hall staffers.
WHERE: City Hall.
WHEN: February 14th.
WARNINGS: None foreseeable.
SUMMARY: Deputy Mayor Edward slings a few arrows and barbs while playing the criminal cupid at City Hall (alternatively: the enigmatic eros of executive empires!!). He's set up "anonymous" Valentines gifts and cards that clearly insinuate that they were sent from various lovelorn staffers to poor, unsuspecting other staffers. This, he figures, will cause optimal confusion and humiliation, which is at least somewhat entertaining (as opposed to actual governing or something, which displeases Eddie). So here's a new question: how could this brilliant plan possibly backfire???
FORMAT: Whatever.
The checklist:
From "Mitchell" to his loyal Bradbury: a precious Valentine card with ample lace and hearts reading thusly: I can’t look at myself in the mirror anymore. I am dependent on you so much that I’m ashamed of it. I throw myself into work just to escape this feeling. Be mine, Valentine.
To Larsa: no card, but there is a package with wrapped in newspaper with an edible licorice collar enclosed. Attached is a mechanical cog.
From “Bradbury” to Nelson: a card with a puppy on it that reads YOU’RE SEMPER FIIIIIINE, VALENTINE!! and is enclosed in an envelope with Security Department embossment. Attached is a small tube cherry-flavored lubrication that reads POP ME.
To Jane: a collection of heart-shaped balloons scattered around City Hall, and every single bunch of them has a note that reads YOU JANE. ME NOT BRADBURY.
From “April” to Ruka: a black eye patch with a heart sewn into the middle of it. Upon that heart is a smiley face.
To Nelson: a note saying You make me feel weightless. Also, please use these weights. Accompanying the note are two 10-pound free weights. Pink. Hot pink.
To Red: a VHS video of The Titanic, complete with a costume jewelry necklace of a blue heart, with pearls.
From “Jane” to Bradbury: a pair of black leather chaps. The note attached reads as I want to see these on the floor and is written in red lipstick.
To Mitchell: A bouquet of blow pops. The note reads Consider this your oral lecture, also in red lipstick.
From “Larsa” to April: A taxidermy-treated raccoon looking particularly fierce. No note required.
To Ruka: one 16x16x12 box full of candy hearts, and all of them say CALL ME on them. On the box is Larsa’s phone number.
From “Ruka” to Mitchell: a copy of Pride & Prejudice. The interior cover is inscribed with a four paragraph note praising Mitchell’s political good looks (in a vaguely backhanded way, preying on any presumed insecurities about being so old) and outright insults to Eridan.
To Larsa: jars and jars of honey. And one jar of living bees. The note reads I COULD BEE YOUR QUEEN!
From "Nelson" to Jane: edible underwear. Attached is a picture of a lady riding a horse, and the caption says WOAH, NELLY!
To Red: a bottle of chardonnay, with a large and obnoxiously bright red bow attached. Card will read COLOR ME YOU, VALENTINE!
To April: a 1960s typewriter, in robin egg blue. A note that reads PRETEND I'M THE PARCHMENT.
From "Red" to Bradbury: a pair of handcuffs. Red handcuffs. No note.
To Jane: a heart-shaped card that is filled with Shakespearean-like poetry likening her beauty to roses and volcanoes and the sun. A matching heart-shaped box of chocolate accompanies this.
Good. Ideal, even. As Edward smirked to himself, his eyes cut over the list once more. Everything would be arriving in the early hours of Thursday, if only to ensure that Eddie could play spectator for every detail of fallout. The thought electrified his grin. It was a good day, he reasoned, to spend his moments gliding about the corridors. Valentine's. His smirk faltered for a second -- a detail came to mind. Quickly, he scribbled over his list --
From "Felicia" to Deputy Mayor Edward: two dozen floribunda lavender roses.
"Oh my, Felicia, dearest," he murmured. "You really shouldn't have."
As if he didn't deserve it. Lavender and green have always looked dashing together, after all, and he needed some recognition. His golden efforts would surely be unremarked upon, anyway! Can't let the others have all the fun. So confident was he in his exploits, Edward barely paused to consider what repercussions they might have, if anyone discovered his purple-gloved hand. They couldn't, he concluded. Such are the emotions of others, fogged and triumphant over reason.
WHERE: City Hall.
WHEN: February 14th.
WARNINGS: None foreseeable.
SUMMARY: Deputy Mayor Edward slings a few arrows and barbs while playing the criminal cupid at City Hall (alternatively: the enigmatic eros of executive empires!!). He's set up "anonymous" Valentines gifts and cards that clearly insinuate that they were sent from various lovelorn staffers to poor, unsuspecting other staffers. This, he figures, will cause optimal confusion and humiliation, which is at least somewhat entertaining (as opposed to actual governing or something, which displeases Eddie). So here's a new question: how could this brilliant plan possibly backfire???
FORMAT: Whatever.
The checklist:
From "Mitchell" to his loyal Bradbury: a precious Valentine card with ample lace and hearts reading thusly: I can’t look at myself in the mirror anymore. I am dependent on you so much that I’m ashamed of it. I throw myself into work just to escape this feeling. Be mine, Valentine.
To Larsa: no card, but there is a package with wrapped in newspaper with an edible licorice collar enclosed. Attached is a mechanical cog.
From “Bradbury” to Nelson: a card with a puppy on it that reads YOU’RE SEMPER FIIIIIINE, VALENTINE!! and is enclosed in an envelope with Security Department embossment. Attached is a small tube cherry-flavored lubrication that reads POP ME.
To Jane: a collection of heart-shaped balloons scattered around City Hall, and every single bunch of them has a note that reads YOU JANE. ME NOT BRADBURY.
From “April” to Ruka: a black eye patch with a heart sewn into the middle of it. Upon that heart is a smiley face.
To Nelson: a note saying You make me feel weightless. Also, please use these weights. Accompanying the note are two 10-pound free weights. Pink. Hot pink.
To Red: a VHS video of The Titanic, complete with a costume jewelry necklace of a blue heart, with pearls.
From “Jane” to Bradbury: a pair of black leather chaps. The note attached reads as I want to see these on the floor and is written in red lipstick.
To Mitchell: A bouquet of blow pops. The note reads Consider this your oral lecture, also in red lipstick.
From “Larsa” to April: A taxidermy-treated raccoon looking particularly fierce. No note required.
To Ruka: one 16x16x12 box full of candy hearts, and all of them say CALL ME on them. On the box is Larsa’s phone number.
From “Ruka” to Mitchell: a copy of Pride & Prejudice. The interior cover is inscribed with a four paragraph note praising Mitchell’s political good looks (in a vaguely backhanded way, preying on any presumed insecurities about being so old) and outright insults to Eridan.
To Larsa: jars and jars of honey. And one jar of living bees. The note reads I COULD BEE YOUR QUEEN!
From "Nelson" to Jane: edible underwear. Attached is a picture of a lady riding a horse, and the caption says WOAH, NELLY!
To Red: a bottle of chardonnay, with a large and obnoxiously bright red bow attached. Card will read COLOR ME YOU, VALENTINE!
To April: a 1960s typewriter, in robin egg blue. A note that reads PRETEND I'M THE PARCHMENT.
From "Red" to Bradbury: a pair of handcuffs. Red handcuffs. No note.
To Jane: a heart-shaped card that is filled with Shakespearean-like poetry likening her beauty to roses and volcanoes and the sun. A matching heart-shaped box of chocolate accompanies this.
Good. Ideal, even. As Edward smirked to himself, his eyes cut over the list once more. Everything would be arriving in the early hours of Thursday, if only to ensure that Eddie could play spectator for every detail of fallout. The thought electrified his grin. It was a good day, he reasoned, to spend his moments gliding about the corridors. Valentine's. His smirk faltered for a second -- a detail came to mind. Quickly, he scribbled over his list --
From "Felicia" to Deputy Mayor Edward: two dozen floribunda lavender roses.
"Oh my, Felicia, dearest," he murmured. "You really shouldn't have."
As if he didn't deserve it. Lavender and green have always looked dashing together, after all, and he needed some recognition. His golden efforts would surely be unremarked upon, anyway! Can't let the others have all the fun. So confident was he in his exploits, Edward barely paused to consider what repercussions they might have, if anyone discovered his purple-gloved hand. They couldn't, he concluded. Such are the emotions of others, fogged and triumphant over reason.
no subject
"Ngh, like I don't do enough here. But. If he's gonna break all of Mitch's friends I could do something, I guess. For a bribe."
no subject
"Yeah? And what kinda bribe are we talking, here?"
no subject
"One free assassination."
no subject
"Who would you even want to assassinate? I thought harassment was more your kinda thing."
no subject
She looks through him for a moment, turning inward to reflect on her pure hated for those servants of hell. Hey, bad on him for assuming she'd pick someone they knew.
"There's only one punishment for them."
no subject
"Do you have something against people asking 'Where is the love?'" he asks, dryly.
no subject
Look at her, getting all enthusiastic about something. Shouldn't you be a part of this Rick?
no subject
Finally, he settles on: "I don't think an entire pop group counts as one assassination."
no subject
Whether she actually expects this to take off or not is hard to tell. He is, after all, the superhuman body guard of a computer mayor. Stranger things than killing a popular band happen on a daily basis in their lives.