A constellation of tears on your lashes

[shotup]

WHO: Roy Harper & Laura Kinney
WHERE: Dallas BBQ Restaurant
WHEN: Friday night
WARNINGS: Discussion of non-con/abuse.
SUMMARY: Roy takes Laura on an ill-planned date and talking happens.
FORMAT: Tagger's choice.

Their brief encounter at the auction left Roy with more questions than answers about Laura, though one thing seemed certain: she didn't at all strike him as the roller rink type. It took a little thought, but he'd come up with the barbecue place as an alternative, figuring that there would be good food and tasty frozen drinks, and if they decided to go elsewhere after dinner, it would be a fine preamble.

He'd arranged to pick her up at 8pm and had arrived casually dressed in jeans and a plain red teeshirt. He seemed laid back, much like the establishment. It was busy, but not overwhelming, with the smokey scent of babyback ribs wafting through the air and the laughter of college kids tipsy off daiquiris filling the room. It was fun, and Roy sincerely hoped it would translate to his evening with Laura.

"You gotta try this one drink they've got," he said, pointing to the list of frozen options on the menu.  "It's called Miami Vice.  It tastes like how being on a vacation feels."

Comments

[girlverine]

"Maybe," she said with a faint nod, looking a bit surprised at the nudge but letting it pass. If she was startled by the sociopath comment it didn't show...she knew how insane relationships with superheroes could be, and he was obviously one.

The word strikes close to home, because she'd been accused of being one once. And lord knew, her body count was evidence enough. "Jessica seems to believe relationships are important. I never agreed."

[shotup]

"I think they're important, too." He was watching Laura more closely now, paying less attention to anyone else on the street. "But loving someone and being in love with them. Those are two different things."

Roy thought of his friends, people he loved like family, people he'd do anything for. There was no romance between him and Garth and Wally and Dick, but he loved them all, like they were all brothers. And even when things had gone sour between him and Donna, he'd never stopped loving her, not once. It was with Cheshire, with Jade, that things got ugly. He'd been in love with her, a connection just as close as the others, but more complex and intimate, in ways he wasn't articulate or romantic enough to express. She'd been the earth and the sky to him, and when she hurt him, it hurt worse than what anyone else could do.

"And physical stuff, you know, that's not strictly about love so much as hormones."

[girlverine]

She knew that, rationally. She thought she probably loved Jessica, the girl was as close to a sister as she'd ever really had (outside of her clones she killed) but she would never say that. Jessica probably knew, the girl always seemed to know the right answer when it came to things like that.

Sex though..."Sex always seemed to be about power," she said quietly. It wasn't something she spoke of much, and though she seemed like she had a casual attitude abotu it, she didn't really, she just...didn't process it the way she was supposed to. "Power and release," she decided, looking back over her years in New York. Her expression was probably a bit haunted for a moment.

"I never really enjoyed it." She added.

[shotup]

That was... not what Roy was expecting to hear. Not at all. And he wasn't sure how he was expected to react. Was he supposed to say something supportive and comforting, and risk coming across like an out of touch asshole? Should he play this off and ignore it, like she hadn't said anything at all? Maybe she wasn't even implying what he'd assumed she was, maybe he was misreading this whole thing and she wasn't really saying that her experiences with sex were one-sided and painful.

Regardless, Roy was upset, even if he wasn't certain he had a right to be, and it took him a few seconds to string together something that wasn't an apology. Because, while he was sad for her, having had a terrible experience with something that was, to him, an extremely awesome and important part of the human experience, he didn't want Laura to think that he pitied her. Whatever had happened, she'd gotten through it.

"It's not always about power. I guess it can be, for some people. But I think those people are doing it wrong, if that's all they get from it. Sex is about connecting with somebody. It's about being human, being... alive." He watched Laura carefully, hoping she wouldn't start shrinking again.

[girlverine]

There wasn't really a right answer, but Laura knew that, at least. Her life didn't really get right answers, it got solutions and frustrations and ways to deal with them. But she'd made too many mistakes to ever really get to 'right.'

But she'd managed a little bit of happy, really.

But she knew, from the way other people talked about it, that what he was saying wasn't wrong. "Other people think that too," she said in quiet agreement. She wasn't shrinking away, just...thinking. Working it through with a relative strangers because maybe that was easier than trying to figure it out with people that cared.

But she could smell his reactions, feel the way his body changed as he spoke. She had messed it up, and she hadn't meant to. He deserved some sort of explanation, really. But she wasn't certain how to put it.

"It is probably different when you want to have it," she decided, and then some part of her realized what that could mean, besides what she meant, and she sighed. "I...was a prostitute. When I was younger, after I escaped from the lab, before Logan made me join the X-men." Not the whole time, but a lot of it. More than she liked to think about.

Why was she talking about this? It did fee sort of easy to tell him, again maybe because he didn't matter yet, almost like a friendly sounding board. "I have not had sex otherwise. It is probably different." There were times she almost had, with Tom, but she hadn't in the end.

[shotup]

What else could he do but listen? Roy wasn't sure there was anything he could say that could give Laura any sort of comfort or reassurance- he didn't know her well enough to presume she even wanted that from him. Who was he to her besides some jerk that was paying for her? Did she equate him to those horrible men who'd hurt her so badly when she was just a kid? It sort of made him feel dirty, thinking about it. Not because Laura was dirty, because she wasn't, but because he was a man just a degree or two removed from the men who'd treated her like she was an object for power and release.

He wasn't judging her though. He had his own skeletons in his closet, put himself in just as much harm's way as she had. And more than that, he had a girl back home whom he loved like a sister who'd been through something awfully similar to what Laura had. It was a shame Mia wasn't here now, he thought. She'd have something cute to say to make this situation less awkward.

"I know it's different," was what he finally managed, taking that moment, to urge Laura to step aside with him so that he could look her in the eyes as they spoke. "What happened... it wasn't something you wanted. And you don't have anything to replace that yet. But that's okay. Someday you might find someone you like and you'll get to make that choice. And until that day comes, nobody's got the right to put their hands on you unless you tell them to."

For good measure, he dropped his hands to his sides, then mustered a half a smile for show. "Even me. See? I have a healthy sense of respect."

[girlverine]

She frowned, though not at him, more at herself and the situation. She hadn't intended the conversation to go this way, and it was obvious from his demeanor he didn't know what to do with it now any more than she did. Although it was sort of a relief to say those things out loud, now that it was done, it was done.

"I don't equate you with them," she finally said. "And I have not been looking for any way to...replace..what I went through." She just preferred to push it aside most of the time. She wasn't ashamed of it or anything, it had just been her life. Her life was generally crummy, but she made the best of it.

"And if I had wanted you to stop touching me, I would have stopped you," she added, with what was probably a slightly more feral than she had intended little smile. What that said about when she was hooking, and how she didn't stop them, she didn't really know.

And then she sighed faintly and shook her head. "This was not how this date was supposed to go." Jessica had told her to have fun, and she had been, and now...this. Oy.

[shotup]

Roy stayed quiet for moment, then reached out to place a hand on Laura's shoulder. It was meant to be reassuring, but he wasn't sure if that was translating or not. He didn't want Laura to feel bad, and he realized that he'd maybe misspoke before. Maybe there wasn't anything he could say to fix this.

"I didn't mean replace it as in make it go away. I meant..." He stopped talking, suddenly deciding that he was just making things a lot worse. "Look, you've opened up to me. It's only fair that I share something with you, right?"

But he hesitated before clearing his throat. His own confessions were less sordid than hers, but no less painful. Roy wasn't ashamed of his past, not really. It made him angry when people thought less of him because of it, so most of the time he just didn't talk about it or even think about it. Though sometimes, sometimes when he was feeling really low and really depressed... sometimes it was really hard to forget how high his highs had been.

"You're not the only one with a past, okay. Lots of people in this world have done things they're not proud of. Myself included." For now, his hands stayed firm on Laura's shoulders.

[girlverine]

"You do not need to confess anything," she stated firmly, because she didn't see what she had said as a confession. It was just the truth, and...explanation, perhaps, but not something she saw as inherently wrong.

It wasn't like all the murder, after all.

She didn't pull away, but she looked like she was considering it, watching him carefully. "Perhaps we should discuss something else." She finally decided, her gaze shifting out towards the crowd passing by.

[shotup]

"Some other time," he agreed, grateful for the change of pace. He didn't want to make this any more uncomfortable, and this date was seriously in danger of spinning out of control if they didn't regroup.

So he dropped his hands from her shoulders and gestured up the block, toward the park. "There's a few benches. And it's a pretty night."

[girlverine]

"It is," she agreed with a faint nod, stepping back away from him and folding her arms behind her back, turning her gaze up towards the sky. She loved nights like this, even if they were too far into the city to see the stars.

"Did you grow up in a city?" She asked suddenly as she stepped back out onto the sidewalk.

[shotup]

Roy shook his head as he walked beside her. "I grew up on a reservation. I was adopted by a Navajo man after my father died." He went quiet a moment, more reflective than pensive in his silence. "He died when I was twelve. That's when Ollie became my guardian. I moved to Star City after that."

[girlverine]

She just nodded at that, it made sense, although he was obviously not native american...she could've passed for that before he could, probably. "When I was sent on missions that took me outside at night, sometimes I would stop and watch the sky," she explained as she kept walking, eyes still turned upward.

"I would stare at the stars for hours, as long as the mission allowed at least." She paused. "Sometimes it would be nice to do that here."

[shotup]

"The stars here are nothing like the stars out west." No matter where he winds up, somehow Arizona is always home, with it's scorching sun and unending skies. The sky made him feel closer to nature. It made him feel alive, even if he was just a tiny little cog in the grand scheme of things. "But you know, if you get outside the City a bit, it's pretty close. You don't even have to go that far."

[girlverine]

"Mm," she made a non-committal sort of noise at that and shook her head. "I do not have time to do things like that anymore."

It was rare she took any time for herself, anymore, honestly.

[shotup]

"Why's that?" His eyes flicked up to the sky for a moment before settling on Laura.

[girlverine]

"I run a dojo," she said. "Mostly for children, volunteer classes for children that cannot pay, and pay classes for children that can. ...It takes up a significant portion of my time."

[shotup]

"So you can't take a night off?" He was teasing, a little. After all, she was here with him now, wasn't she? "Tell you what, some night when you're not busy, I'll take you out to Long Island. It's quiet out there and you can see the stars better than you can from here."

[girlverine]

"Not often," even with Jessica helping her with the paperwork, Laura was usually at work later than she should be, probably.

His offer startled her though, and she frowned at him. "I...why?"

[shotup]

Roy frowned back, though there wasn't much genuine about it. "You like the stars, right? You like stars, I like stars. We should check out the stars sometime."

He then gave her a look that seemed to say 'duh'.

[girlverine]

She couldn't exactly argue with that, she was just surprised by the offer. Finally she shifted a bit, turning her gaze back to where they were going.

"Okay."

[shotup]

He seemed satisfied with this result and it wasn't a moment or two later that they at last reached the entrance of the park. It was quiet and dark, not nearly as heavily populated as the surrounding streets. But it had nice benches and foliage and a few decorative statues. Typical park things. Nothing too fancy.

"You wanna sit down?"

[girlverine]

Laura shook her head. "No, let's keep walking," she was feeling a bit restless now, and walking a circle around the park might help.

"How long have you been in the City?" Small talk, strike!

[shotup]

"Since December." He kept in stride with Laura, drifting nearer to her again, absently. "Not nearly as long as you though."

[girlverine]

"Most people have not been here as long as I have," she was probably somewhere in the middle, towards the 'long stay' at this point.

She paused suddenly, looking at the park. "This place can be dangerous at night." Not for her, but...in general.