Bakura Ryou [獏良了] (
shiromadoushi) wrote in
capeandcowllogs2010-05-14 10:58 pm
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WHO: Bakura and Alastair
WHERE: Hell Towers
WHEN: Late Friday night after Ben's dinner
SUMMARY: After staying at Ben's for the last few days, Bakura is finally ready to come home and face what he ran away from.
FORMAT: Para
Bakura paused at the door to 1006, his over night bag over his shoulder, Pelor in her travel case. There was a small flutter of his pulse, but it was nothing like it had been before.
Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door.
"I'm home!"
WHERE: Hell Towers
WHEN: Late Friday night after Ben's dinner
SUMMARY: After staying at Ben's for the last few days, Bakura is finally ready to come home and face what he ran away from.
FORMAT: Para
Bakura paused at the door to 1006, his over night bag over his shoulder, Pelor in her travel case. There was a small flutter of his pulse, but it was nothing like it had been before.
Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door.
"I'm home!"
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He lifted his head briefly at the greeting before going back to watching TV - he had it on CNN, though the national commentators were proving their idiocy and ignorance with each passing hour. "Hey," he murmured in response.
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herhis room to inspect her domain.There was a bit of an awkward pause before Bakura followed, setting his bag down before coming back into the living room again.
"Anything new on the news?"
Starting with small talk as if nothing had happened. But it was a start...
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"Where'd you bugger off to?"
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There was noticeably more space between them than there normally would have been.
"I just... needed some time," he continued, fidgeting with his sleeves a little. "Sorry."
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There was a bit of a pause. "I know I ran away.." he continued, voice even softly. "It wasn't your fault, it was mine. I couldn't deal with it. I didn't mean to make anything difficult."
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He sighed hard. Then again...
"I can't do anything about the way you feel, or the way I don't. It just is what it is. As long as you understand that - that I'm not gonna change, it's not ever gonna happen." He caught himself before referencing anything Hiruma had said - after all, he didn't want to so blatantly admit to hacking Bakura's filters and reading his posts.
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He trailed off a moment. "I shouldn't have to hide from you, Oniichan," he finally continued. "But I was. Which-- which is why I said it. Though I think... I think I expected what happened. After all, I know the type you like, I'm nothing like that," he smiled ruefully.
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He turned to Bakura with a heavy gesture of his hand. "You don't know what I like. I told you a long time ago, I don't do relationships. And before you say a word about Kyosuke," he quickly added, "that's not the same. The difference between us isn't the kind of person, it's the kind of relationship. You want something I can't give you. I told you, I use people and throw them away. I actually like you as a person - as a friend - so I can't ever see you as the kind of guy I would use up and toss aside. Big difference."
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He looked up, nodding. "Which is why you went to Hiruma-kun, because it wouldn't matter. Because Hiruma-kun's the same like that," he agreed, letting another secret go. No more secrets. No more hiding. Not from Alastair. He'd already let out the biggest one, there was no point in holding in the ones that didn't matter. And once the floodgate was open, it was easier to say everything.
"What I want from you... is something you can give," he continued softly. "I want you to be my brother."
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He paused to sigh and rub his face. "Shit...you knew about me and Hiruma. When did you figure it out?"
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But brothers were forever. He should have trusted in that.
"I lived across the hall, Oniichan," he pointed out with a small smile. "And Hiruma-kun is loud."
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He gave a small nod. "Hiruma-kun said as much." He fidgeted a moment before continuing. "I won't say I wasn't a little jealous... but.... I don't think I'm ready for that anyway."
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His voice had dropped down to a near mumble as he spoke, heart beating rather loudly. He was almost petrified of admitting that, for fear that Alastair would want to stop doing all those things to push him away. But he had promised himself he wouldn't hide what he felt from those he cared about, as scary as it was.
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He paused to listen, and then shook his head. "No it's not. It's everything a friend should be like. Or a brother. That's all it is. Hanging out, chatting, playing video games and stuff? That's just plain old normal friend stuff. Don't make it out to be anything more." He didn't want to have to pull back from Bakura, stop being friendly so as not to encourage him, so he was going to try firm words, first. If those didn't get through, the other solution would have to be tried.
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Finally, he sighed, shoulders slumping. "I guess... I just don't know anything about any of this, do I?" he said with a small, wry smile. "The difference between a close friend and a boyfriend... I've-- I never really had anyone close like this before. I haven't been anyone's brother since I was six, and Yuugi-kun was my--"
He paused, blinking. He had had a crush on Yuugi as well. His first real close friend...
Had he really just been mistaking... and because of how much he admired Alastair and how stupidly hot he was...
....
He was such an idiot.
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He glanced toward Bakura. "I mean, sure, my way gets you laid more often, but that's not for everybody."
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He gave a small nod, hand falling as he turned to give Alastair a warm smile. "Un, I don't think I could do it. I wouldn't know what to do at all. I freeze up badly enough when you're just showing off, I don't know how I'd survive anything more than just that," he said with a self depreciating smile.
"I think you're right. Yuugi-kun... Yuugi-kun was the first person I really thought I liked like that. He was also my first close friend. I'm probably just confused between that, especially with how..." He paused, blushing. "How good looking you are," he half mumbled with mild embarrassment. "Mistaking attraction and friendship for something else."
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"I'm gonna try to be...you know, sensitive to the problem, in case I need to tone it down or something," he idly offered, staring at his hands. "I can't wave a magic wand and fix it, though. Don't think anybody can."
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It was so odd for him, being in the presence of a fellow guy expressing attraction to him and not wanting to invite him into his room. That must be the firm, unyielding line of friend and family versus interest. It wasn't wavering at all, Alastair's will was solid for once. It was a new experience, one he had to sit and savor for a moment.
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