oh no notto this shitto again

[livesarock]

WHO: Next on SOAPNET is the Terra and Zelgadis show...
WHERE: MAC
WHEN: Tonight is fine
WARNINGS: this shitto again
SUMMARY: nobody in this log can communicate in a sane and rational way that can alleviate confusion
FORMAT: screaming



Sometimes people remembered dreams, plain as that. Sometimes people remembered dreams...vividly...sometimes. Seers and such, sure. And maybe the occasional post-traumatic stress-induced nightmare. Logical. The mind sometimes did that, be it as an omen or just as an after-effect of...

What the hell effect of what and why?!

If Lina bothered to ask him what was eating him one more time, Zelgadis was liable to throw himself off the building. Instead, he'd stormed out in his not-unusual, over-dramatic huff for whenever something wasn't to his liking and he couldn't fix it. Straight to the roof. To throw himself off if need be, sure, but mostly just to get a clear head without any further prodding. Because it was just a stupid dream. Weird dreams weren't new around the City, after all, so...

So he had to try and rationalize that if it had been one of those weird dreams, either she was busy hiding out of sheer revulsion or she'd already gotten around to chucking herself off the roof. Possible. Morbid, but possible.

"Grrughh." He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, slowly dragging his hands down the sides of his face. Sleep wasn't easy anymore. Nothing was easy anymore. What the hell was up with that? It was as if the universe realized he'd gotten the one thing he'd longed for after so many years and decided that rather than let him live and be happy, he'd have to suffer sevenfold over matters entirely unrelated. It was one thing after the other, getting more and more...just...just...!

Comments

[diesarock]

Hand against the door frame, Terra shook her head easily. "You didn't." She had a much higher tolerance to cold than Zelgadis did; even after that godawful party, she still didn't mind it much.

Even if he didn't feel it, he looked a little better. Terra continued to watch, just as confused as ever. He wasn't ever going to explain anything on his own, was he?

WOW TENSES COME ON NOW

[livesarock]

Corrected, he let the apology stand for itself (however futile) and continued pacing away, sucking in air through gritted teeth. At least he could stop feeling how hot his face was if it went numb. Maybe that would let him feel a bit normal, which would maybe let him seem a bit normal, because he was sure as hell aware of eyes following him and probably assuming he'd lost his damn mind. Maybe he had. Immature, stupid, ridiculous...

NO WE DON'T WANNA BE CONSISTENT

[diesarock]

The wordless quiet stretched between them as he paced, forward and back. There were no answers in his shuffled footfalls, nor in the hunch of his shoulders or the impending chatter of his teeth. Terra tried to let it go, but worry continued gnawing at her, tightening her throat and twisting her stomach around in anxious bends.

"... do you... want to talk about it?"

Reading about technical writing is ruining my creative writing *holds head

[livesarock]

And cause another disaster? Probably not a good idea. His breath huffed out in a puff of steam, but his self-depreciating smirk was his alone at the direction he stood.

"It doesn't matter."

nooooo *holds your head*

[diesarock]

It wasn't exactly the answer she was expecting, and, if anything, just made things more confusing. Terra was going to need to cast cure on herself for the headache she was getting from all this.

"If it didn't matter, you wouldn't be... so......" Out of it, for one, and ... defensive? Terra crossed her arms over her chest, tucking cold fingers against her ribs, and shook her head.

[livesarock]

"'So' what?" He turned his his head and looked back over at her, eyebrows lifted. Most of her opinions of him were just things he inferred, truth be told. If she said annoying or bothersome herself, then he had good reason to feel like a jackass instead of just assuming he did.

[diesarock]

"... Out of it? Or..." She pulled out one hand to roll her wrist indicatively of something, though it wasn't entirely clear what. "Like you were sick and someone cast muddle on you." His relatively quick almost-recovery indicated it at the very least wasn't illness, but Zelgadis wasn't the type to just... fall over. Or stumble as badly over speaking as he'd been, or so clumsily hurt himself. If it had been muddle, the smack to the doorknob would have been enough to break it, though...

"Did something happen?"

[livesarock]

So...deranged, then. Zelgadis grimaced a little before turning away, frozen in place now that simply moving about made him odd in her eyes.

"I'd been confused about something," he said at length, folding his arms tighter and shrugging his shoulders up higher. It was cold. "But I guess I'm not anymore. Or...that something doesn't really matter as much as I thought it did. Or something."

[diesarock]

She didn't entirely believe him — how could she? the answer hardly made sense — but it seemed more honest than that whole trip story. If it had been the other way around, ... actually, she had no idea what would happen. Whether he'd push for answers or dismiss them as being nothing, that is. Terra tended to confess everything to Zelgadis eventually anyway; did she even have any secrets remaining? She didn't think so... but the realization of this in conjunction with how very little she truly knew about him was disheartening.

"... it must have been something big," she offered in return, though in her head the likelihood he'd actually explain seemed to hover around zero.

[livesarock]

"I don't really know," he said, and that much was true. His stomach was still a mess of knots, uncomfortable and not altogether helpful for much of anything, especially when it came to trying to pin down his mood. Zelgadis wasn't really mad or annoyed or...much of anything he could default to without stepping out of his usual norms. Aside from embarrassed for himself, of course. He was kind of sad.

The silence lingered long enough to seem like the end of all discussion, but Zelgadis glanced back eventually with a pensive, somewhat-wary look, his mouth a thin line for a moment longer. "Remember when we were stuck down south?" he prompted, a bit more than uneasily by the time the last syllable was sounded out.

[diesarock]

She hadn't been expecting him to continue, so with the sudden continuation and subject change, she was taken a little off guard. That was... pretty long ago, and completely out of nowhere. Right?

She didn't say anything, but she nodded in response. Yes, she remembered.

[livesarock]

He nodded faintly in exchange, turning a third of the way in her direction. His face was numb. Good.

"Did you ever remember how we got there in the first place?"

[diesarock]

A moment's pause, and a head shake. She remembered the before well enough, mundane as it was, and she remembered the after, confusing and inexplicable as that was, but everything in between may as well have never existed for her ability to remember it. Yet another chunk of her life lost; one night wasn't the same as an entire childhood and adolescence, no, but that didn't ease her frustration.

"Did you?"

[livesarock]

He remained silent for a while longer, considering it. That was more or less confirmation for him - he'd made it all up. Rather, his subconscious had. His inquisitive expression waned to something resigned, shaking his head. "No." Apparently not.

[diesarock]

Terra hadn't realized how tensed up she'd gotten until he spoke, but her back and shoulders sagged visibly. She supposed she should have expected it—it'd been months now, and he probably would have mentioned before if he did remember—but it was disappointment nonetheless.

"Oh..." But that was strange that he'd mention it now, wasn't it? Unless this was just him trying to change the subject away from... whatever the hell it was he was acting up about before. "... Why?"

[livesarock]

"Thought I did." His head shook again, glancing outward and away again. "But I don't think so."

[diesarock]

That was unexpected, and she tensed up immediately, stepping forward. "Why not? What do you remember?"

Sure, even if he thought he was wrong, what if he really did remember? If she'd done something horrible, painful though the revelation might be, she had to know. Her whole demeanor was a great deal more anxious now, curious and worried and a mix of twenty other feelings Terra couldn't name.

[livesarock]

Zelgadis looked back and found a more eager expression than he would've liked. He swallowed, increasingly uncomfortable (again), shrugging his shoulders up yet again. Details had to be spared, no question. Absolutely no question. Noting that made him want to curl up under a rock.

"Nothing, really," he tried, unable to look at her as he went on. "Just...random things. Nothing substantial or interesting."

[diesarock]

Inconsequential or not didn't matter to her. There was eagerness, true, but it wasn't the sort of excitement someone showed expecting good news. From the shape of her eyes and the angle of her mouth to bend of her shoulders, she somehow looked as though anticipating some calamity. Of course, if Zelgadis wouldn't look at her, he wouldn't notice these things, but her tone of voice was sharp on the edges, almost sad.

"Zelgadis, please."

[livesarock]

Zelgadis winced. He wasn't numb to her tone, poking at him like accusatory knives. Why did he even open his mouth? Normal conversation, what is that, anyway? Clearly above and beyond his faculties. Dammit, dammit.

He took a slow breath, in and out, scouring the skyline as his brain worked to try and piece something together that wasn't absolutely terrible. "It was just...things like...meeting up in the City, and then...needing to leave for...some reason." He shook his head. "I don't really get why," and that much was true, "but you used magic and we left. And kept going until we were down there."

[diesarock]

It didn't explain everything — hell, it didn't explain anything at all, really!

Terra bit her lip, eyebrows furrowing. "Do you know... what I used?" There was only thing she could think of, and if it was that—

[livesarock]

"Some spell," he mumbled with a shrug, untangling his arms to scratch at the back of his head. "Warping or something, I don't remember."

[diesarock]

If anything, it just made her brow wrinkle more in thought; Terra crossed her arms over her chest, looking downward. That... really didn't make sense. She'd even explained it when they were down south. "Warp," was the quick correction, punctuated with a shake of her head, "But... maybe you really don't remember. I wouldn't have... been able to do that. Not without..."

With lower lip pinched in her teeth, the frown was harder to see, but it was clear she was giving this a great deal of thought.

[livesarock]

"Like I said," he insisted, folding his arms all the tighter with his shrug, "It's not exactly a lot to go on, so it's probably just something I imagined to make up for not knowing."

[diesarock]

But it was clear she wasn't listening; now it was Terra turning away in thought, beginning a slow pace; her hands glowed off and on with a build and release of power, despite no spells being cast. She mouthed words thoughts to herself, quiet if spoken at all.