you're neither friend nor foe

[loveyourenemy.livejournal.com]

WHO: Jonah Matsuka (loveyourenemy), Keith Anyan (prodigitalson), and Kurama (gardenerthief)
WHERE: Superjail
WHEN: Sunday
SUMMARY: Matsuka finally works up the nerve to see Keith, with some moral support from Kurama.
WARNINGS: Terrangst.
FORMAT: Para.


The prison is an uncomfortable place for a Mu. It simmers with unpleasant emotions, leaving Matsuka tense and anxious, and he's already very glad that he asked Shuichi to come with him; if he were on his own, his resolve might already have failed him. But he's made up his mind - he's never going to understand what's happened to Keith, or what it means for him, until he sees Keith in person. And to do that, he had to come here.

His hands clench at his sides with the effort of not wrapping his arms around himself, and he tries not to shiver.

Comments

[prodigitalson.livejournal.com]

Some of the weary lines around Keith's eyes smooth out, just a little, in relief at seeing that smile on Matsuka's face. He can make Matsuka smile now instead of cower, even if it's only a little. That's good, isn't it?

But he's not quite smiling himself, because the unspoken question weighs heavily on him. All the time he wasted, the whole life he regrets. "I wanted to stop. And so it was more important than ever that I didn't." Because wanting was bad, or so he thought then.

He closes his eyes. He can't express his thoughts honestly and simply. They become too tangled up in his mouth if he tries. So he reaches for a metaphor. "I knew I was in a cage. I didn't know I had the key."

[loveyourenemy.livejournal.com]

"Many people tried to tell you," Matsuka murmurs, eyes downcast. "You wouldn't listen."

He doesn't really mean it to be accusatory, though it can't really help but sound that way.

"I also..." His voice trails off helplessly. He feels like he should be happy... isn't this what he wanted?

He's not sure.

"...What do you want from me?" It comes out in a whisper.