capeandcowllogs | My youth was nothing but a black storm

After seeing Hermione off, Snape returned to the church a little while later with a few sandwiches, a bit of kit, and went to the church to ... work on some things.

There are already notes; names (Order), pros and cons (as honest as he could make them, which isn't easy), and other things, on the legal pad he's using with that muggle pen he's getting used to, as he sits on one of the pews toward the front, using light from the windows to work by.

But then he hears ... a voice.

THAT voice.

He rises, sharply; last time they'd managed to be civil in the church, so he gave a glance to the altar at it' head and hoped that whatever God resided here, he'd stay kind and keep Sirius calm.

"Miss Nill is not here."

Where she is, Snape doesn't know. But she has a number of protectors, and Snape is sure one of them has an eye on her.

Sirius had been holding something in his hand, hidden by the door, which he banishes with a wave, as he steps into the church. Seeing Snape leap to his feet at the very sight of him is gratifying. He looks as on-edge as ever.

"And yet here you are."

Sirius keeps his voice neutral, but can't quite bring himself to be polite. 'Out of sorts' is a kind way to describe his general emotional state in the wake of Remus's disappearance, and it would be all to easy to fall back on making Snape his punching bag. But this isn't his house, and it is a church. ...He takes a deep breath and scrounges around for some manners.

"How's the shoulder?"

"Miss Nill has allowed me use of the church, yes," says Snape, falling into less tension and something smoother. "If I wish to be free of the MAC, but still have a roof overhead."

So there. It's Nill's church-- how that works out, he doesn't even know --but he doubts even Sirius will gainsay the girl. She had that affect on many, it seemed.

When Sirius shows-- dubious concern, he glances to the side, and then says simply, "Mended. Andromeda has given me a relatively clean bill of health, and should she get the clinic job, I think we'll all be less mothered from this point onward."

Edited 2011-08-15 17:35 (UTC)

"...She throws herself into caring for others because there's nothing to be done for her own pain."

He walks along the pews until he finds one that is somehow different from the others, to him, and sits down in it. His expression is that of someone returning to an old home, seeing a room he slept in as a child.

"Speaking of, what is your involvement with the Weasley boys?"

"I am well aware of what is wrong; this is simply not a thing I can mend. I am not able to beat death, but I am able to connect her to gainful employment, which will keep her occupied, give her mind something else to dwell on, and in time, allow her to process what she needs to without it being the only thing the processes."

Snape has been there. He knows what grief does to a person, especially a precious, singular person that simply cannot be replaced.

But the question, however, takes him off guard. "Beyond as their teacher, little. There was an -- unfortunate altercation, in the last year... I doubt they'll have forgiven me for it, even if they're aware of the details. I cannot be sure what Mr. Potter has told anyone." He's a bit rueful about that because-- truly, he doesn't know, and that leaves him disadvantaged at who thinks his ally and who thinks him murderer.

Thankfully, Hermione seems to have figured things out. Snape is pleased that Harry's two best mates are in his corner. It's about all he's got going at this point.

"At what point did I ask you to fix her problems? I would have thought 'nothing to be done' was a simple enough phrase for even your mind to grasp."

Sirius sneers just a little, only a partial baring of teeth - the teasing is reflex. His brow is slightly creased however: how quick Snape had been to take on the troubles of another. ...Andy had been in Slytherin, even if she had broken the mold eventually. Perhaps it was natural for Snape to feel some kinship.

And how unusually chatty Snape was, on top of it all. Sirius turns and watches him, still teasing.

"Ah. Should have known you wouldn't be on their list of business partners. Especially since we can barely get a proper cauldron in this world. Leaves you a bit useless, oh master of potions."

Ha ha ha. Ally vs. murderer, oh it would be funny, how very similar they are, if either of them were divorced enough from the pain to appreciate it.

"God, look at us, having a conversation. We are lonely."

"She is a Housemate and a friend, and I take care of what is mine," says Snape-- but...

What was that?

Useless?

Is that a smirk on Snape's lips in answer? Yes, it could be... something sly and secretive, before he returns his eyes to his notepad.

"I am not conversing. I am merely pointing out, as usual, where you are wrong, foolish, or have missed the obvious. That's all."

"You are pointing that out? Really? My God, what it must be like to sit there and casually take the achievements of others as your own, right in front of them, moments later. No wonder you think I'm arrogant, you've no idea what it actually looks like."

Well now he's just being a jerk to get a rise out of Snape. DON'T THINK YOU CAN LOOK AWAY OVER THERE.

"Besides, if you think Andy's yours, I'll go fetch a mirror and watch you sort out someone who is foolish."

Now it's Sirius's turn to smile like he knows something Snape doesn't know.

"She's a Slytherin," Snape says without raising his eyes from his paper. He's ignoring you. Or pretending to, poorly. His voice is flat as he rattles off the facts. "I'm also the last acting head of house, and if briefly, headmaster of Hogwarts, All of the students of Hogwarts, past and present, were left to my keeping. I made a promise to do just that, within the best of my ability -- and within the circumstances allowing."

He makes a note, there, on his paper, and continues his work. Still not looking up! After all, Sirius is over there, and he's over here... he's already got a shield charm at the ready and his free hand on his wand.

"Oh listen to you. Snape, this may come as an enormous shock, but House Head, triple agent, and extremely shoddy Headmaster or not, you are not actually all that important. If you want Andromeda Black to continue putting up with you, you bloody well go to her as a human being, not some hallowed protective god."

Sirius just keeps watching Snape, oddly thoughtful.

"You think you're Albus, come again. You do. You really think that it's your job to sit there and Albus Dumbledore at the lot of us. That is just too precious for words."

Sirius Black is no legilimens, but let it never be said that he is bad at people.

"Of all the people I would wish to be, Albus would be last on the list." No, seriously. He doesn't want to be Albus. Albus was, in fact, quite possibly his only friend -- but living as Albus did? Impossible. Snape's already too close to Albus' lonely, miserable life.

He does finally look up, and says simply: "Albus did not trust the lot of you to see this through. He only eventually trusted me, and while I understand his reasoning, there is no way for me to not 'Albus' at you currently, due to the situation we find ourselves in."

He sits up, setting the notepad aside. "He chose to keep you lot in the dark and that was very likely for the best -- and I mean that not because you're stupid, though I've got a few words I could say upon that, but because it would have jeopardized everything. Everything." He snorts now, through that generous nose, and adds, "I didn't get the kindness of full disclosure until he'd gone too far, and had no more time to see this through to the end... or I certainly believe he would have kept me with the rest of you: kept in the dark and fed shit with the rest of the mushrooms."

Sirius's shoulders begin shaking with silent laughter, and he can't help but look around to see if anyone else is hearing this, because wow.

"I can't even begin, Snape, I really can't. So I'm to be your mushroom now, am I? Well, Professor I Don't Want To Be Loved And Respected By Anyone With A Knut's Worth of Sense Just Because My Mentor Wasn't Perfect, we're all down here in the midden heap together, as that's all this City is, so don't start thinking you've got a leg up on anyone. You and I will leave as suddenly as we came, just like everyone else and likely right in the middle of some crisis or another, to go back to our world and die as we're fated to, and we've no control over when it happens. Keep us in the dark if it makes you feel important, but it will help no one when you're gone suddenly and all your precious shit has gone with you."

Sirius produces his own wand and waves it in a small circle, smirking at Snape if he gets all jumpy in response. A second later, he flicks it at one of the windows, which suddenly has hinges where it didn't before, allowing it to swing open long enough for a thin package wrapped in brown paper and twine to fly in before closing again.

"Me, I've never liked just sitting where I'm put or taking what was handed to me, so here's a little gift from me to you, oh frater-fungus."

He sends it sailing through the air toward Snape, smiling genially.

"You prove over and over how little you know of me," Snape says. "I've already asked Miss Granger to speak to the Order, since I doubt my words will be dealt with such equanimity as you manage. Then I can relieve myself of this secrecy, because frankly, it's a burden I do not care for."

But then his wand is up and the package is bubbled-- he considers it for a moment, and then a flick of his wand removes the wrapping.

Over there. Where it won't blow up on him.

Sirius watches all this with amusement. He likes the bubble, as well, perking up and paying very close attention to how Snape did that. Ruka's powers do something similar...

The package opens to reveal a large mirror set in a dark wood frame. Snape's eye would recognize the symbols etched into silvered backing of the mirror, along the edges as potent runes.

"If I am talking to you, anyone will talk to you, so you can shove your woe-is-me attitude right up your arse. Full points, though, for finding a mouthpiece who is as pleasant and reasonable as you are vile and...no, vile covers it quite well."

There's more heat now. Snape has Sirius's attention, and something he's said has gotten ex-convict's hackles up.

"The Order doesn't exist here, and since we've both noticed that you're no Dumbledore, you can't just snap your damned fingers and call it up."

He fidgets angrily for a moment before grudgingly admitting that Snape might actually be able to do just that.

"...The idea has been brought up, however. Before you showed up, there was only one Death Eater here and she's been sufficiently outnumbered that we hardly needed a secret Order to keep her in line. All the same, there are more threats in the world than my cousin."

Edited 2011-08-15 21:52 (UTC)

"The Order will exist again," Snape says simply, before he rises, mirror contained in the protective bubble. It hasn't exploded, yet, so that's something. He sets it down on a neighboring pew, then, and is silent. "The Order, no matter how fractured, will always exist, so long as there is cause for it to do so. It was envisioned to fight a dark lord, and it will gaain, I am certain."

He looks up and then asks, beady black eyes flat; he takes no joy in what he must say -- knowing, full well, he will revive the Order because it must be, even if he would like nothing better then to wash his hands of the whole thing and have it simply be over.

"Do you know, Black, what a horcrux is? I don't expect you to -- not simply because you are slow and thick, but because it is a exceedingly rare artifact of dark magic, and we all know how your pulse quickens and your eyes go dim at the very words being uttered." He doesn't even smirk. There's no mockery, no joy in any of this. "Regardless, you are going to have to learn very quickly, about what they are and what they do, because one has been brought to the City, and it must, under no circumstances, be allowed to fall into the wrong hands."

"The Order was created by better men than you'll ever be, at a time when you were still licking Voldemort's arse because James Potter stole your girlfriend, so don't fucking tell me what it is, you pompous prick! Godric's balls, why I wasted my time making a mirror for you..."

Sirius had very nearly risen, snarling and red in the face, and he sits back with an audible thump, managing to let go of his anger before it could pull him to his feet and launch him at Snape.

There is certainly mockery in what Snape's saying, but Sirius actually tries to ignore it to see if Snape is going to actually say anything with content in it.

"Who brought a dark object with them? All the people from our world who've been coming in lately are Harry's friends."

It's -- not mockery for the sake of enjoyment! That's completely different, as far as Snape's concerned. Truly.

Ahem.

"Hermione Granger," he says. "It's-- in safe keeping, for now." He won't say SHE'S the one safe keeping; Sirius may go march off to bother her about it, or some other foolishness. "It-- it is a piece of him, from before it was destroyed, so that He might be."

There is no doubt who those heavy, weighted pronouns refer to.

"A horcrux is a vile thing," he begins to explain the matter, despite Sirius' outburst, "the darkest of magic, created with the foulest of ritual. A person must die for a piece of a man's soul to be broken away, stored, and a sort of -- immortality granted. The Dark Lord made seven; six by cause, the seventh by ...accident. All had to be destroyed for him to die. One of them is here now, and must be guarded, since we are unable to destroy it without a great magical item or wizard... And I doubt that any of us are quite able to do so."

At least he includes himself in that.

"Safe keeping. Right."

Maybe if he didn't look at Snape. Maybe if he imagined it was... oh, Binns or something, talking to him. Someone annoying, but who didn't make him want to strangle them. Snape's explanation makes that impossible, however. There was a look on Sirius's face, as if he was going to mouth off about 'the darkest of magic', but Snape kept going and talk of murder and Voldemort was sufficiently intriguing to keep the potion master's belligerent audience quiet.

He gives Snape a long look, chewing on his distaste. This wasn't a conversation he wanted to have with Snape. He didn't want to have any conversation with Snape, he wanted to talk to Remus or Harry (or Dumbledore or Arthur or Kingsley or Frank or Emmeline or ANYONE) but they'd gone and left him here alone with this slimy, self-important git, who even Sirius had to admit probably knew what he was talking about (when it came to dark magic). Sighing, Sirius slouches down in his pew, folds his hands over his stomach, and talks to Snape as if they are... as if they were at an Order meeting, and Harry and Remus and the rest were there at the table. It made his heart ache, but if Voldemort was involved and Hermione was in danger, he needed to know how, and they needed a plan for what to do.

"There are books, of course - preservation of the self through inanimate objects is an old one. Intelligent portraiture is based on that sort of thing, but much lighter of course. My father's library had...let's call it a spectrum of books on the topic."

His great-great-grandfather had gotten a bit obsessed with it all, apparently. In Sirius's opinion, enchanted portraits, especially talking ones, were just an excuse for nosy wizards to but into affairs past their time and not their concern.

"An actual fragment of his soul...Hard things to hurt, souls - magic doesn't affect the divine," Sirius rubs his mouth, thinking aloud. He is in agreement with what's been said, even if not with the person who said it. "Not any of us as individuals. We might be able to make a great magical item - it wouldn't be the first, actually - but it would take time... Not any of us as individuals from our world. There are others, though."

"You have just used the word 'divine' to describe a fragment of the most wicked, evil wizard to have existed in centuries, created by murder."

Did Sirius ever think before he spoke? Ever?

"I am not certain we wish to bring outside influence in where this is concerned," Snape points out. "They may not understand. Or their magic may be incompatible."

He thinks of Gemma; he can't imagine what her magic would be like under Voldemort's influence. All those pieces of dreams, that shadow reality... It's enough to make one's blood go to icewater.

Sirius looks at Snape like he'd just squatted in the middle of the church and stood up proud of his leavings. Which is...almost true, really.

"The human soul is God's providence, and thus it is divine. That Voldemort would debase his for personal gain is proof that he's an idiot as well as evil, but it does not change the nature of what a soul is. If you've forgotten the basic tenets of logic, Snape, I could recommend a few authors for you."

He'd seen a few copies of '___ for Dummies' around. Sadly they probably didn't make a 'How To Not Be An Utter Waste Of A Lot of Buttons And Swooshy Robes'.

"Of course you don't, you never learned how to share nicely with other children. If our priority is to destroy this thing, then we bring in whatever help we need to, and you certainly don't have the right to use the word 'we' in this context."

And here we are, back to bickering over details.

Having Danny let her stay at the church still was what she'd call a blessing. Since she'd been taken, the apartment just didn't feel safe anymore, no matter who was there with her. She knew Danny could protect her, but it wasn't enough. Without Heine in the city, it was hard for her to really feel protected by anybody.

Except in the church. Nothing bad had ever happened to her there. She had learned to read and write there, she had talked to Damian there, she knew every single stained glass window by memory. It was her haven, as cliche as it was for a church to be as much. She loved the old building, and was happy to spend her time just sweeping the floor or watching the occasional bat flit around the ceiling.

But she didn't like to hear raised voices echoing around the vestibule. Her wings flicked behind her as she approached the doors, which were open just a crack. She could clearly hear two men arguing, though about what she couldn't grasp. As silent as she could be, Nill inched one of the double doors open a bit more so she could peek her head inside the church. If there were people inside she didn't know, she'd run straight back to the apartment and tell Danny.

Luckily, it was only Sirius and Severus. They were good people, she knew that. She started quietly inside, but the hem of her dress caught on a splinter in the wooden doors. Just one step and the door slammed shut behind her, pulled along by the fabric. She jumped a bit, blinking rapidly at the sudden noise.

An apologetic smile and a small wave was all she could offer to the two men she'd interrupted.

"Did you find religion in Azkaban, Black?" Snape says, unaware that he has an eavesdropper. "I can't recall you ever being a pious man in your youth -- too busy shagging whatever would let you, drinking till you were stupid, and picking on the weak for you to have been quite Godly then."

He steps around the pews now, note book in hand, the other not far from his wand. "Or is this that man without sin casting the first stone? Hypocrite -- you don't have any room to talk about the divine, so don't presume to lecture me about your personal delusions about your relationship with it. You have none. Pluck that beam from your eye and we can talk about God; until then, can we keep this to--"

BANG!

That was the door and this is a Snape with his wand up; he stops, however, when he realizes it's Nill. Jumpy? Snape? Always.

"Miss Nill," he says, and with an eyeblink he has smoothed his expression into neutrality, the rage Sirius stokes lurking beneath the placidness of his expression, at the tick at the corner of his eye, the jump of his lips when he tries not to sneer. "Good afternoon."

Sirius is on his feet a heartbeat later, wand at the ready, but he lowers it when he sees Nill. Without sparing the other wizard a glance, he moves out of the pews and begins walking down the aisle.

"Don't mind us, Dovie. Mister Snape and I were about to get into a spirited debate about the works of Cornelius Agrippa and how magic relates to the soul." Sirius isn't even trying to hide the fact that his blood is up, snarling over his shoulder at the other man, too angry to care how childish his behavior was. It was this or just fly at the man.

"He's taken it rather personally," Sirius spins, and yells back at Snape as he continues backwards toward the door, "because he doesn't like it when other people know things."

Having vented, Sirius takes a deep breath, gives Snape one last sidelong glance, and is able to speak to Nill in a gentler tone. "And I don't like him, period. I do, however, like you, and I'm sorry I yelled in your church. Are you well?"

And when suddenly there were two wands pointed at her, her stomach dropped. She knew that they used those for magic, and neither of them looked happy at all. In her mind, it didn't bode well. It meant there could be pain, there could be a fight. She could bear being hurt and hit, but to see people she liked fighting, that was the worst. Because she knew there was nothing at all she could do to stop them. She simply wasn't strong enough.

Her wings pressed close to her back, her body shook. Even as they greeted her, she couldn't do anything but stare, unable to do anything about the fear that was overtaking her body. She shouldn't be afraid of them, she knew, but it was so hard. Shouting men, the hateful atmosphere. It was so familiar, too familiar. All she could see was the whorehouse, the men chasing her down, Heine being shot out a window. The scream she wanted to let out but couldn't.

Reality hit her as Sirius' tone changed, and she was able to bring herself back to the church, back to what was really going on. She forced her wings to extend, stretch, and relax. She forced herself to nod and offer her friend a smile. Heine said it, sometimes: That girl is sharper than you think. She knew what Sirius wanted to see then, and that was what she gave him. She just hoped he would believe it.

"Are you done scaring the girl?" Snape asks, sliding his wand away. "I thought it was my job to become young people's boggarts."

Not that he doesn't know that there's a perfectly good reason WHY Neville Longbottom had him as a boggart -- beyond the fact that the boy had been raised to have no spine -- and neither is he proud of it nor, really, ashamed. That was at the moment, unimportant. What he was at this moment, was trying to remember what had been asked of him, and applying it as it was needed.

It was just so hard with Sirius Black being anywhere near him, making him remember so many things...

And seeing Nill quake reminds him of how he had just failed it. Unlike Sirius, he does not approach. Instead, he goes to gather his things, picking up the notepad and pens he'd been using, as if he might take his leave without another word.

The steely anger is back in Sirius's eyes for a moment as Snape's flings his self-righteous comments across the room - of course he wouldn't take any of the blame, oh no. Poor ickle Snivellus, never at fault for anything.

He closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath and ignores Snape. It's not Nill's mouth that Sirius is watching, but her eyes. He gives her a sheepish smile back.

"You're polite to say so, dovie, but you can scold us for scaring you. Heine'd have skinned us by now." What? Body language was still language.

"I gave Mr Snape a present since he was here, but I originally came to deliver some flowers to you. I'd like to give them to you, if that's alright? I can go after that if you've had enough of my growling for one day."

He was right; Heine probably would have shot both of them, or at the very least beaten them up. That wouldn't have helped her, of course, but it would have made him feel better. But she doesn't give any indication that she's going to reprimand them for shouting and such. Just because she was easily frightened didn't mean they had to tip-toe around her when it came to their own personal problems. She just keeps on smiling.

Flowers would be nice. She nods and ducks around him to start up the aisle. She saw that Severus was packing up, and she wanted to give him a proper hello and goodbye. The two of them reminded her a bit of Heine and Naoto; they didn't like being around each other, but managed to deal with it while she was around. At least for a little while. It was obvious that Severus wasn't going to stay long, but Sirius would probably hang around. Even if he said he could leave, she hoped he knew she didn't particularly want him to.

She paused a foot or two away from Severus, and gave him a little wave.

Snape glanced to the side -- down at Nill with black, beady eyes that gave no clue to how he felt about the display, or her disturbance. She was a small, frail thing and Albus, he was sure, would have adored her and showered her with sweets.

Snape could only look at her impassively, and say, "I won't be long."

The mirror was carefully wrapped in a conjured cloth, and the other items he'd had, with names and notes scribbled on them, were tucked into a messenger bag and then slung back over his shoulder.

A curt nod to Nill; as silent as she is-- then he was striding down the pews-- on the OTHER side of them, as not to bring himself in Sirius Black's reach. He trusted the man about as far as he could throw him with his bare hands.

My youth was nothing but a black storm

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