capeandcowllogs | The sky is red and the sea is blue

Entry tags:

The sky is red and the sea is blue

WHO: Tsundere #1 (

swordedpast) and Tsundere #2 (

gandere)
WHERE: Near the MAC
WHEN: Monday, January 28th
WARNINGS: Probably nothing except general emotional dysfunction.
SUMMARY: Archer nearly gets dragged into the Wild Hunt; Rin intervenes.
FORMAT: Prose.

He's late coming back from work tonight. Actually, he's not even coming back from work exactly, because he got off a couple of hours ago. It's just that since then, Archer has been weaving his way through the side streets and alleys of the City, trying to shake some pursuer he knows is after him. Whoever or whatever they are, he knows he can't bring them home to Rin. If he confronts them, it has to be somewhere safely far away from her. Or at least, that's what he spent about an hour and a half doing. After that point, he realized that there's no singular pursuer on his tail, but that something dark and magic is afoot. In which case, Rin could be in as much trouble as he is already.

The thought also crosses his mind that maybe Rin could help with this malady--after all, she's the master of magecraft here. He dismisses this thought quickly--he's already making plans to shield her from his troubles when he goes after that girl in Southwest Phoenicia, after all. He can't let himself rely on her for this.

He's still thinking that he can't let himself rely on Rin to help him when he's two blocks away from the MAC and the sky opens up above him. It's midwinter, but thunder roars in his ears and lightning blinds him. Hail falls--hail, at the end of January. Now he's certain this is magic, but that certainty doesn't help him, because he's just as certain that his pursuers are here. He goes from a swift walk to a run, trying to suppress the rising dread, or at least channel it into a productive urge. It doesn't matter if they're chasing him, but Rin may be in danger, and that's something else.

Archer makes it almost to the MAC itself before he realizes that it's not just rain and thunder he's hearing--it's hoofbeats. And they aren't just chasing him: they're asking him to join. He comes to a stop in the middle of a small park. The lights of the MAC would be easily visible through the rain, if he weren't surrounded by the ghostly cavalry roaring past him.

He's two hours late for dinner, and he's trying to remember why he shouldn't take up arms against all sinners and ride. It's something to do with what he's two hours late for, and who's waiting there with it.

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"It's minor. Go back to sleep." His voice is still toneless. He's still not looking at her.

All the same, he waits until he's certain she's sleeping again before he gets up and leaves the room. It's a weakness, but he hates to leave her side.

He cleans his wound; he changes into the few spare clothes he has; he puts his hair back into place. And, unable to think of anything else to do, he makes tea for when Rin wakes up.

(He made her tea the first morning after she summoned him, too. That feels like a million years ago; how much has changed, here in this City? When did he come to assign any value to their days together here, and why can't he stop? Her body in his arms, her head on his chest--)

He brings the tea into her room and sits down once more against the bed.

If Archer tells her to sleep, then she will. There's no more questioning whether it's the right thing to do or not, she just simply does it.

Usually when she dreams, it's of the past. Sometimes of Archer's, most of the time of her own. It isn't long before she's thinking of things that can never be and of a man who is incapable of holding anything dear having her in his arms.

She snaps free of it soon enough with the invitation of tea.

"Archer?" Reaching out for him with an arm fully outstretched, she pauses to take note of how bare it is. Funny, even her pajamas were long sleeve. "What the?"

He'd hate to admit it, but here in a world where he sleeps and breathes, Archer has had some dreams of his own--and since renewing his contract with Rin, some of them have been of her past. It's something he shouldn't think on, he knows. But he can't help it. The images of her passing each day in the lonely chill of that big house stay stuck in his head, and they leave him aching for the chance to make a home for her that isn't so lonely--

It's fortunate that her puzzled awakening snaps him out of those thoughts. It's unfortunate that he's still not entirely thinking straight, because he answers the implied question casually without hesitation. "Your clothes are on the radiator; they need to dry so you don't catch cold."

"What are they doing there?"

It's taking a while to sink in, but that's to be expected when she's half asleep. If her clothes were on the radiator, then what was she wearing right now?

"Are they ruined?" Instead of questioning this very moment, she focuses on a material topic instead. "My jacket... It's going to be alright too, right?"

Cherishing it above all else came naturally when it was from him.

At least she's wearing her underwear--that was soaked too, but even when he's deadening his emotions as much as possible, Archer knows better than to risk some things.

Right now, though, he doesn't show any indication that he did anything significant at all. He simply answers her questions in the calmest possible voice. "They're drying on the heat. They'll be fine." Why does she care so much about the jacket, anyway? It's not even from their world. "I'd say 'don't run out into a storm in them again,' but it probably won't happen again...it was an unusual circumstance."

"A little bit of rain never hurt anyone. It helps plants grow and grass turn green."

An idle comment as she moves her legs out from under the covers and towards the floor. Only when she's about to throw them off of her entirely does she realize the air is touching her bare skin. With a shriek, she dives to the floor opposite of Archer, blankets following in on top of her. Don't worry, the loud thump was just her head.

"What did you do to me?!"

"It's the middle of winter, so nothing is growing." It's hard for him to keep his face expressionless and his voice emotionless with her around. Some exasperation creeps back in. "Or did your display back there shake you up so much you scrambled the seasons?"

He starts to get to his feet. Why was he sitting on the floor brooding anyway? Rin is here, she's awake, and he needs to be able to keep up with her--

What was that thump?

"I didn't do anything to you! Except--" He scowls down at the floor. "You had to do something silly like rescuing me, so I took care of you afterwards."

Feeling around on top of her bed, she finds a pillow and yanks it to her chest before popping up. There's blankets up around her shoulders, but she needs as much armor to place between her nude body and Archer.

"You took my clothes off!" She accuses him loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

"Yell a little louder next time. There might be someone ten floors away who didn't hear you." He's definitely sulking now. That's fine; it keeps him from blushing. "You were soaked through with freezing rain, so naturally..."

He trails off, looking away from her still.

"Well--with my luck you'll catch cold regardless."

"Even my stockings!" Leering towards him. "Was that necessary?"

He saw. It was enough to bring her to tears, but she manages not to fall that far. Instead, she nestles her chin into the pillow as she glares.

"I won't catch a stupid cold. I have a strong immune system!"

To be honest, he's relieved that she's yelling at him. That's a lot easier to deal with than when she's protecting him. He falls quickly back into the usual role. "Pardon me for not trusting your strong immune system to fight the damp when you've just needlessly depleted your prana like that."

He folds his arms over his chest. "But there's no reason for me to stick around now. I can go back to my apartment so you'll be free to put some dry clothes on."

"Don't leave."

Her tone is more firm than desperate. If he walks away from her, she'll just wonder if he's really in that apartment next door or back out in the storm with those spirits. The way their cries resonate in her mind even now. It was powerful sorcery, enough to make even her question whether or not she should have joined them.

She trusts Archer.
She just can't trust him on his own.

"That's an order from your Master. Are you going to disobey me?"

He doesn't want to leave.

If she sounded desperate he could dismiss it as neediness that leads to poor judgment of his character. But she doesn't. She sounds like his Master making a decision he can't make for himself.

So it strikes him that he'd like to stay. He thinks that it would be good to fight again at her side while she looks as beautiful as she did back there--

"No. I think I'm having a rare spell of obedience tonight."

"Good."

With a sigh, she looks towards the dresser in the room. All she has to do is get something out of there to wear, but crossing the room in her current state of undress isn't going to happen. She could just ask Archer to get her something, but instead she turns to lean her back against the edge of the bed. Pulling her knees up to keep the pillow position there, she thinks back on the last time she held her legs like this.

"Say Archer, are occurrences of that nature common? If so, we'll need to readjust our battle plan for this place."

It occurs to him that her shoulders against the edge of the bed look awfully fragile. Like someone should be there to put an arm around them, or something like that. He knows it can't be him, but someone should--

Archer banishes the thought. She's asking him about something business-like. He has to answer in kind. "That's what I've heard..." He can't return to his place leaning against the bed now that she's there, so instead he lowers himself to sit against the far wall of the bedroom. "But I was also told that these happenings don't often leave the City. If you're tired of them, we could go."

He knows even as he says it that it's impossible. It can't happen.

"Do we even have enough money for a vacation?"

Rin knows the answer well enough to that. Archer can barely support the two of them, right? She's not very good with money, but she is aware that they are doing what they can to get by.

"Well, we should stick around regardless. If those fiends cause too much trouble, we'll have to do what we can to help the people here. There are those who don't deserve to be hurt by them."

She thinks of Calvin to start with, but there are others. Charlie, Kat, Kanaya. It's weird to think about that, but try as she might to dismiss it, they continue to intrude on her thoughts.

"I'm not talking about a vacation, Rin." He keeps speaking even though he knows that it's impossible. "I'm talking about moving and spending whatever time we have in this place away from the mess of this City. You'd be safer and less troubled by these stupid spirits."

He keeps talking about things like that. It's not like trying over and over again to jump a hurdle even though you know you can't make it; who would do a thing like that, anyway? (He can't remember who would do a thing like that.) It's more like standing beneath the hurdle punching yourself for not being able to make it.

It's because he can't give Rin a life free of those troubles. Even if he were physically capable, he'd refuse to walk away from this City and its heroes, and the people they need to save. So he has to remind himself of how he's failing her. But it's strange; she doesn't seem to mind.

He presses a fist to his mouth for a second, forgetting that it's something he's seen her do, to try to erase any trace of a smile. Any hint of gratitude for the fact that he knows she'll choose to stay, just as he would.

Out of the corner of her eye she witnesses it and while normally this is when a devil like herself will be quick to call him out, she remains silent in thought. Moving? Does he mean away from these apartments?

"We can't afford two apartments on our own." It comes out abruptly as she continues to dig herself into the grave that is accepting a life alongside Archer. "We'd have to move into the same place together and even then it'd be tough."

With a laugh, she leans her shoulders into the back of the bed. "I wouldn't mind that kind of hardship."

Someone should be there to lean against her. It can't be him. Does that make him feel regret? He can't tell. There's no way to feel a gentle rain on the bottom of the ocean.

"Yeah, there are ways in the City to provide for us, like this building. Maybe that's why so few imPorts leave." He keeps looking at her so long as she's not quite fully looking at him. "Of course, I know you could handle it. Rin Tohsaka is the kind of person who decides she can do something, then sets her mind to a task and conquers it, even if others might whine about its difficulty."

He finally looks down, smiling in a detached fashion. "But I couldn't. You must be aware that getting used to a life like that would conflict with my goals. In fact, I fear that if I spent long enough here with you that I'd forget about my purpose in the Holy Grail War entirely."

It's safe to say this, he figures, because she doesn't know what his real purpose in the Holy Grail War is. She's allied with Shirou Emiya, shared her body with him, even hinted that he's still hers--so there's no way she'd consent to live at the side of the wiser and more broken Emiya if she knew his goals. Naturally she'll just assume he's talking about the Grail, like any other Servant would be.

"I'm a really unreliable Servant like that."

"Is that what you want to do, Archer?"

Soft-spoken even though the topic upsets her, she manages to keep a level head. "Return to the Holy Grail War. Conclude your business there and win us the war. Is that all you care about?"

She desperately wants to ask him to just stay at her side. Forget the war, forget trying to kill Shirou Emiya, and choose instead to remain here with her. They were partners so they could fight crime together, work on taking that woman down, and live a life here away from the rules of the Mage Association.

Why does she immediately think of how nice it would be to raise siblings together?

"Ugh... that's so stupid. Are you saying you only want to live for two weeks at most while the war concludes?"

"What I want to do?"

He only wants one thing, and that's an end; silence inside his ribcage where self-loathing and despair now nest in the shape of a heart. It's the first thing he's ever wanted, so what right does she have to question it?

When did he ever give her the authority over him to deny him that peace?

The smile fades off his face. His eyes go blank and dead.

"It's a weakness of yours that you care what I want, Master. It always has been. It made you waste that first command spell...it's no wonder you turned to Shirou Emiya to help you win the war. For some reason you don't know how to use a real Servant properly."

"You're right. It should have been at least a couple more decades before I had to fight in that war, but I made do with what I had."

Was this the first time she felt regret for the conclusion of the Fifth Holy Grail War? In the end it all happened to work out, but she was selfish in pursuing the end in the manner she did. By denying her Archer his goals, but without Shirou would they have won? Doubtful; without him, Lancer may have never joined their side and if that hero in particular failed to save her...

Thinking of that mess still made her nauseous. It had almost been here. Archer almost gave her to Shinji Matou. She's a forgiving person, but it really pisses her off when he has no knowledge of the acts he'll inflict upon her later on.

("I have promised Emiya Shirou that she will not be harmed. But that promise is over at dawn. You can do as you wish when the time comes.")

And he has the audacity to say these things to her.

What if he betrays her here in the City? The thought rarely crosses her mind, but the strange time gap between them reminds her that it's a possibility.

"Faker." She says out loud just to test his reaction and to relieve just a bit of her annoyance at the situation.

He draws in a sharp breath and opens his mouth to retort--

'I know.'

But nothing comes out. He can't say that to Rin. He can't admit to her that he's completely aware that he's a fake and a fraud and always has been. No, for his Master he has to be the powerful and confident Servant she summoned.

He hates that. He's never met anyone as inconvenient as her before.

Archer bites his lip to keep those words inside. Really, he looks like he's sulking. "Please. Don't toss out insults whose meaning you don't understand."

Someone like her can't understand, because she's never been fake herself.

"I understand."

Rin says all too quickly as she leans her head back to look up towards the ceiling. "That's pretty much what I am."

If she wasn't faking the hero act here in the City (magi are self-centered after all), it was acting as though she were a cold-blooded magus (when all she can think about is others). Everything she's done up until now has been an act just about; being tough when she's weak, saying it was alright to be alone when it was ripping her apart, and allowing Archer to continue down his self-destructive path when she promised otherwise.

Automatically, he starts to reply with a negation. She can't understand. Rin Tohsaka is too real for that. Even when she's weak and awkward and hurting from trying too hard to be cold and alone, her kindness is more real than anything he's known. Her smile holds more meaning.

He wouldn't say something like that, of course. He'd just tell her she's wrong--

But she says more than that she understands. She says it's what she is. His eyes widen, and he shifts forward abruptly, going forward from sitting down against the wall to on his knees and reaching out to her. He can't say why, but he wants to touch her to affirm to her that she's anything but fake.

It doesn't work, though. She's sitting too far away, behind a pile of blankets and pillows, and anyway he can't touch her right now, she's in her underwear! It was a stupid thought anyway. He drops his outstretched hand and looks down at the floor again. "...as my Master, you should know better than to say that, Rin." That's all he can say instead. Even if a minute ago he accused her of not being a proper Master who could really use a decent Servant.

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