capeandcowllogs | the bittersweet between my teeth.

Entry tags:

the bittersweet between my teeth.

WHO: diamond lil and hank mccoy.
WHERE: the institute.
WHEN: the day after lil's showdown with hooded justice.
WARNINGS: lil's a cranky canadian.
SUMMARY: these two people have somehow avoided meeting each other until now.
FORMAT: quick brown fox.

[ she doesn't know what she's doing there really, except that she has no where else to go. maybe she's looking for a fight. it's diamond lil -- she's probably looking for a fight. not that it doesn't seem like she'd already had more than her share of fights. she's sporting an impressive black eye, a split lip, and who knows what other bruises and bumps she's hiding under the unusually modest combination of leggings and a loose sweater. it's an unusual sight. lil can remember only one other time she's ever bled, and the memory makes her gut clench. being invulnerable makes her unaccustomed to pain and injury.

she isn't coping well.

she'd rather have the familiar bitter hurt of arguing with her husband. maybe that's why she's at the institute, lingering at the entrance to the basement. she's absently thumbing at the cut in her lip in an agitated way, trying to decide whether or not she has the self-control to just turn around and leave. ]

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[One thing about keeping multiple labs is that spreading your projects among them can give you a slight bit of exercise when you're on a science bender. Just moving betwen rooms can be enough to keep your body awake, your brain moving. It isn't much, but every little bit helps.

It's one of these times that brings Hank into the hallway as Lil waits, carrying a funny little shoulder bag under his lab coat, as he's taken to in the last few weeks. He doesn't want to find himself in a new universe unprepared again.

Catching a figure out of the corner of his eye gives him pause, until the woman's identity cements and the other oddities dawn on him. Wasn't she supposed to be invulnerable? He turns to face her, his face drooping in concern.]

Ms., ah, Ms. Crawley. [Jeffries wouldn't be the right name, would it? He really can't tell anymore.] ...You look a little worse for wear.

[ something tenses in her shoulders when she hears someone say her name, her head turning towards hank sharply when he speaks -- still jumpy maybe, some lingering trauma unearthed by this latest beating. she's got hard eyes and automatic defensiveness in her face before she finally seem to recognize him, or at least hear what he's saying to her. ]

S'just Lil. Y'can call me Lil.

[ there's something self-conscious in the way she holds her head just a little bit higher now. she openly eyes him, gauging him. ]

I had a rough night. [ a pause, then: ] Hank, ain't it?

Yes. Sorry, I just...assumed such an address would betray a familiarity that isn't quite there.

[though, perhaps it should be, really. There aren't many mutants in the City, so he doesn't have much excuse not to be on a first-name basis with the ones that are. Especially given her closeness with his colleagues.]

You look, rather surprisingly, like you could use medical attention. Would you mind? [He walks a little ways up the hall toward her and opens the door to an exam room.]

[ there's something a little petulant in the shape of her lips or maybe just in the way she folds her arms across her chest loosely -- as if she resents it a little, him making a point of her obvious injuries. she's never had so much as a paper cut. it's hard to look at herself in a mirror right now.

but finally, after a moment or two: ]

S'pose it ain't gonna hurt any. [ she steps into the exam room, glancing around it with a mild sort of suspicion. she hasn't had any kind of proper medical examination since her cancer scare. bad memories. ] Y'don't got anythin' better t'do?

[He follows her in and shuts the door, just in case Madison walks by. Things are tense enough with him as it is, and Hank doesn't want to worry about what it will look like if he sees her here.]

When a patient walks into my lab, there's nothing more important to be done. [He pulls on a pair of gloves and loads a tray with a few supplied.] Especially when she's meant to be invulnerable.

Have a seat, please.

[ there's a split second of claustrophobia when the door closes. she's visibly a little agitated, through no fault of hank's. it's all the other things, the way her body physically hurts all over, cross being gone, her escalating arguments with madison -- not to mention, lil's always been a bit manic.

but after a moment she complies, sitting down. a bit stubbornly, maybe: ]

It ain't as bad as it looks. [ a beat. ] I just ain't used to it, s'all.

[He sets his tray to the side and moves in for a closer look, surveying the damage to her face.] That doesn't change that this sort of thing just doesn't happen. There are reasons you aren't used to it, could your powers have shorted somehow?

Are there any other bruises aside from these?

[ there's something like annoyance in her face that's really more vanity under scrutiny when he looks closely at her face. she holds still, but averts her gaze, pursing her lips. ]

Ain't nothin' wrong with my goddamn powers. [ defensiveness. ] That bastard did somethin' t'me. My powers ain't been turned off like that since goddamn Neverland.

[ an exhale, like she realizes her tone's getting aggressive and she has to real herself in. she's like a little kid with a scraped knee, trying to play at tough when the sight of her own blood and bruises still frightens her a bit inside. it's only with reluctance that she rolls her sleeves up and pulls her shirt up half-way, showing dark purpling all over her forearms and ribs. ]

[Oh, Neverland. There's an awkward topic. Despite what he did know about the establishment, Hank never realized that Lil was there. He never tried to talk to anyone about it, there's just too much. And this certainly wasn't the time.]

Good heavens, what did you do, pick a fight with the Hulk?!

[Jen wouldn't have done something like this, and she's the only Hulk around. Turning off powers, though, the only people he knows of who can do that are Bobbi and Bradbury. What would Lil be doing fighting either of them?]

No. [ there's that petulance in her voice again. ] Some sonnuva bitch in a black hood, with a noose 'round his neck -- Nelson's friend, what's-his-face.

Nelson must make friends quickly, I don't think I've heard of this fellow.

[He turns to his tray for some swabs and a bit of alcohol.] The open wounds will need to be cleaned. It may sting. I can give you some painkillers for the contusions, you'll want to keep them under a cold compress. Probably best to stay in bed for the rest of the day.

They're from the same place, from the sounds of it. Teammates, he said. Or ex. S'pose it don't matter now.

[ she won't flinch, not even when the alcohol makes contact with her cuts. with her powers back, all the pain is dulled, even though it stays constant. healing remains a slow process though, worse probably because she insists on being up and about.

she doesn't answer right away, but at length: ]

I wanted t'see Maddie.

[Her invulnerability really limited what exactly he could do. Just cleaning the wounds and trying to relieve the pain until her body healed on its own was really about it. Maybe prevent swelling, if swelling is even possible for her. He would have had files on this at some point, they're probably still on Utopia.

Her intentions sat poorly with him, given everything as it is. Hank isn't sure what to think of Madison anymore, aside from that he worries about him. With the sort of things he tends to say, who wouldn't be? And so much of it seems to center on the woman sitting before him.]

Are you really sure that's wise?

[ their relationship isn't healthy -- for either of them. and it isn't like the destructive nature of their marriage is any sort of big secret. but there's this ache in lil that doesn't go away when they're apart, and with cross mysteriously missing, her loneliness has bordered on unbearable.

the truth, at length: ]

I don't got anybody else, Hank.

[He leaned back a little, brow furrowing in concern. He's heard the way Madison talks about her, like she isn't even human, just some wight who emerged out of the shadows to torment him. Some worry of the effect this may have on her had occurred to him numerous times.]

I'm not sure you can be really said to have him, either.

Timcampy's been staying with me, if you could use the company.

[ that comment visibly hurts her a little -- it shows in her face, but only for a second, only because being physically injured is so hard on her too, and then it's gone, hidden behind pinched eyebrows and a down-turned mouth. she warps her arms around herself absently, as if that affords her some kind of protection. ]

I'm still his goddamn wife, ain't I?

[ it's stubborn, but maybe a little empty. ]

'Sides, that little monster doesn't like me. And it ain't like I'd know what t'do with him, with Cross gone.

He can be testy. I find that keeping him fed usually placates him effectively.

[The first statement isn't so easily addressed. He's already heard the situation from multiple angles, but there's one big one he's been missing. The most central, perhaps.

It feels a little intrusive broaching the subject, given that he doesn't know her as well as the other two, but it seems like he's walked right into it anyway.]

But what does that marriage mean? Not only to you, but him as well? Pardon if I'm speaking out of turn, but it seems like it's been unraveling at both ends.

Yeah? Well, y'know what, Hank? It might be a fucked up marriage, but it's still mine.

[ her tone is a bit more defensive than she means for it to be. she hasn't had to justify herself to an outside party in a long time. her fingers grasp her own upper arms, tightening instinctively. ]

Y'don't know what I've been through t'be with him. Y'don't know what I've goddamn survived.

[He leans away from her, struck by how obviously bad he's worsened this conversation.] I'm not trying to lecture you.

[Snapping off a glove, he takes off his glasses to rub at his eyes, leaning an elbow against one of the side tables. Suddenly, he looks very tired.]

But you're right. I don't understand.

I'm only trying to.

[ she stops, tensing a little like she's only just realized that she snapped. her self-control's been eroding away gradually -- worse so, lately. she feels so manic. she didn't mean to snap at him, and the realization seems to drain a little of her energy.

even though she wears a tough expression on her face, lil glances away. it's with a bitter resentfulness that she responds: ]

What's there t'understand? I'm just the crazy wife, comin' 'round and harassin' my husband when he don't even wanna have a damn thing t'do with me anymore.

[Lil, let's be real here. You're not the one Hank's worried is crazy.]

Or putting herself in a position to be similarly harassed. I think there's a lot to be understood there, because there's so much that isn't readily apparent.

He's all you have left? But you aren't without options, either. You don't have to put yourself through this, do you?

[ she looks at him again when he asks her that question, eyebrows pinching. she feels a little flutter of distress in her gut, like the question itself is difficult for her to stomach. ]

What else am I s'posed t'do?

You have a life here. [As opposed to back home.] How would you have wanted to spend it, if you had the choice?

[ there's a long pause.

then, finally: ]

With Maddie.

[He lets out a sigh, rising back to his feet.]

And assuming that isn't an option?

What the hell am I supposed t'say, Hank?

[ she sounds frustrated. it's probably a little sick that she's that fixated. but it's not like she and madison were ever especially healthy to begin with -- not all those years ago, and not now. ]

There has to be something more you want out of life. If there isn't, then maybe there needs to be. Haven't you ever had any sort of dream? Before Alpha Flight and any of that?

[It's not exactly easy to give someone answers for their own life. At best he can provide a guiding hand, but if it's to be for her, she'll need to fill in the blanks herself.]

If nothing else, I think you should keep your distance from him. It isn't doing either of you any good, and he's... You need a better support system than he can provide.

[ it's hard to remember life before alpha flight, before she put on her costume for the first time. she was nobody back then, just a waitress from the canadian boonies. after that, her life became a series of terrible events -- the kind you'd have to be tough as nails to survive. and survive she did.

at length, with an unusual hint of tiredness: ]

I used t'want t'just live quiet, y'know? Maybe have some kids or somethin'. Like normal people. I ain't a hero, Hank, and I ain't sure I ever really wanted t'be one all that bad.

[ a beat. she tries one more time: ]

I just wanna see him, s'all.

Not now. Not like this. [He wipes his glasses down before replacing them on his nose again. Much as he'd like to, he can't fix all of their problems, but he can at least act as an obstacle for today.] I think you've suffered enough pain for one day already.

[ she isn't the type of woman that responds well to being told no -- not normally, and it almost seems like she's about to take it badly now too, with the way her face gets defensive and a little upset. but after a moment, something about the last half of what hank says -- something selfish in her, that somehow feels a little cared about-- it makes her a little more willing not to fight back.

the tension doesn't leave her shoulders, but the confrontational, angry urge dies down.

instead, after a pause: ]

How is he?

Edited 2013-03-30 18:01 (UTC)

[How is Madison really? It's a good question, but one Hank isn't necessarily equipped or in a position to answer. Neither is he sure that he should voice the true extent of his fears, either.]

He's seen better days. I think he may be under a great deal of strain lately.

[ lil purses her lips again. ]

'Cause a'me? Or 'cause a'her?

Edited 2013-03-31 15:20 (UTC)

[Hank isn't inclined to blame either girl, but he still has one piece of information lingering on his mind.]

I'm sure you had a reason to leave him for Cross.

I didn't --

[ she makes a frustrated sound, lifting a hand to drag her fingers impatiently through her hair. ]

I told him I was sorry. It didn't matter -- he was still goddamn disgusted, and he left.

That's his problem. [But it being such a big one, it's becoming all of theirs, as well.]

I didn't ask to accuse, I was simply hoping to hear your thoughts on it. Yours, directly from the source.

I've already dealt with enough speculation from every side, I think it's time someone gave you the opportunity to tell your side of the story.

[ she eyes him like she isn't sure she believes the idea of someone not wanting to accuse her, but. when was the last time someone asked for her side of the story anyway? when was the last time someone -- including herself -- wasn't jumping at the chance to blame her?

she exhales. ]

I ain't proud a'what I did. But I was goddamn lonely. An' I could tell -- he practically had t'force himself t'touch me. He kept sayin' he still loved me, but he never wanted t'be around me.

[ resentfully: ]

There's that goddamn bot, too.

[That really isn't far at all from what he guessed it would have been. It wasn't exactly a conundrum that would give the likes of Poirot any pause either, of course, not for someone who's already spoken with Madison about her. Not for someone who knew what was going on between him and Danger before she'd arrived.

The guilt, however, is something he hadn't guessed at. Madison still has that tether, unfortunately.]

In a similar situation, I doubt anyone wouldn't. Was it really wrong of you to want someone who would care about you the way you needed when the person who should have wouldn't? [And Cross did care, damn his absence. He cared more than he wanted to, from the way it sounded when Hank last talked to him.] Maybe it's not something to be proud of, but you shouldn't be ashamed, either. It isn't all on your head.

[ the little rush of emotion she feels is unexpected. something loosens, ever so slightly, inside the tightness of her chest. she and hank aren't close, not by any means, but there's something -- something about being told not to be ashamed, that it isn't all her fault -- that takes a small weight off her shoulders. she isn't sure she believes it entirely (there are days she swings violently from blaming herself to blaming madison and back again), but it helps.

lil rubs her own upper arms absently, glancing away. ]

Thanks, Hank.

I didn't say it just to make you feel better, I said it because it's true.

[That isn't really true at all, so why even say it? To remove the messenger from the equation? If he makes it sound more objective, maybe she'll be more likely to believe it.]

You do deserve a to be around more people who care about you. You need a better support network, especially in a time like this.

[ she wants to believe it, she does. but that doesn't make it much easier to. in fact, it makes her feel a little bit lonely. hank's words have calmed her enough to really think this situation through, and it's sad, really, that the only person she thinks she can turn to right now is the husband that's been avoiding her.

she exhales a depressed huff of a laugh, burying her face in her hands. muffled: ]

God, I need t'make more friends. I ain't got anybody.

It's not always easy, getting used to a new place like this, a new life. The first step is always the hardest.

[Tentatively, he rests a hand on her shoulder with a weak smile.] I'm willing to help, as I can.

Y'don't gotta feel sorry for me, Hank.

[ she says that, but she doesn't brush his hand off. it's probably the most ordinary, comforting touch she's had from another person in a long, long time. ]

[His eyebrows raise and his shoulders lift in a slight shrug.]

I'd like to think there's more to compassion than mere pity. It's not what I've "got to" to, but I do think it would be the right thing.

But you don't have to accept, either.

[ she pauses, turning her head towards him and considering him a long moment. they don't really know each other particularly well, but she seems pretty sure of this one thing when she finally speaks: ]

You're a good man, Hank.

[ another small beat ]

Look after my stupid husband for me, 'kay?

I can do the best I'm able to. [But how far that will go is something he's increasingly uncertain of. It's getting to the time where they'll have to have a talk about where things are, where they'll be going. He's not really looking forward to it.]

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the bittersweet between my teeth.

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