(a bunch of people are pissed off.)

[ioudas]

WHO: cross marian (ioudas) and a bunch of people who are pissed off at him (& maybe a new friend!)
WHERE: around the city
WHEN: saturday morning - sunday night
WARNINGS: once again, cross
SUMMARY: Cross is finally back in the City, not without consequence.
FORMAT: quick.



(He doesn't want to be back in the City, but he doesn't feel like he should be anywhere else. Since his travels to the many water worlds weren't all that adventurous (who knew that some things didn't change), he was restless. He couldn't stay at home because timcampy had taken to watching his every move and even when he was out, he was sure that the tiny gold golem was watching him.

So, he set out to do what he always does as a consequence of his bad decisions- make more of them.)

Comments

[glassbox]

[ She doesn't answer right away, distracted by the sight of him, how damaged he looks. It takes a moment for her to remember what he means by that -- her promise. But she remembers, and anger floods her expression again. ]

I should. I should goddamn kill you.

[ She doesn't though. Instead, she backs away, confused by the rush of her feelings. Sitting down on the edge of his mattress, she covers her face in her hands for a moment. Her voice is muffled when she speaks again. ]

You're a fuckin' coward, y'know that?

[ioudas]

Then do it.

(There isn't any reason why he shouldn't be treated any differently. He realizes that his temper is showing, but for once he doesn't care. Cross can't always be the one that's so sure of everything. Will he die the moment that the Porter decides that she's done with him? What will happen to Allen? What will happen to his comrades or will he fulfill a prophecy that's already set into motion.

He swallows hard, staring at her from across his bedroom- their bedroom. His bed has been empty, and no matter how many women he had in Nepal, it still felt empty.)

You could have run away with me.

[glassbox]

[ Something about that suggestion must set her off again, because she's grabbing one of the pillows of the bed and chucking it at him, getting up and gesturing at him in frustrated accusation. ]

No. I ain't like that. I ain't like you -- [ and Madison ] -- I don't goddamn run away. I don't leave without sayin' a word.

[ioudas]

(He catches one of them and just throws it on the ground.)

What was I supposed to do? Come back from the dead and act like nothing was wrong?

[glassbox]

Y'coulda said somethin'. Anythin'.

[ her voice is getting louder, slightly more hysteric in its pitch. ]

But no, I had t'find out by goddamn accident. An' then, if y'weren't a big enough dick already, y'broke up with me like the sonnuva bitch y'are. I let y'hurt me. Twice.

[ioudas]

(He doesn't say anything to her, because it's absolutely true. Cross gets frustrated with his feelings, biting his lower lip rather than saying anything.)

And why are you here, then? (He's never understood this.)

[glassbox]

[ she doesn't know the answer, not in a way that she can explain. she's always been confrontational to a fault -- always needing closure, always needing to show people how angry she is, how hurt. ]

I don't know -- maybe I thought you'd be goddamn sorry, or you'd have some goddamn excuse that'd make it better. But y'ain't and y'don't, and I just --

[ she looks two seconds away from hitting something. her voice breaks a little. ]

He's gone, an' you were gone, and Danger -- it just ain't fair.

[ioudas]

(Oh, Madison's gone and that's probably why she's here. His shoulders slump, sort of defeated, thinking that if she had someone to rage against that she wouldn't be here.

He takes two steps to sit next to her, looking down.)

It isn't fair, you're right. But life isn't fair. (It wasn't, that's all he saw. Women like her, just in different incarnations.)

Nothing I will say will make it better, because in the end it's about things that don't concern you.

(The words might sound bitter, but it's just a fact. He remembered what she said, after he had told her what he did. Cross didn't blame her, there was a reason why no one knew what he did.)

[glassbox]

[ surprisingly, she lets him sit next to her without fighting it. she must be tired. she's been so angry recently, it's exhausting.

at length, simply: ]

Did y'ever really care about me?

[ioudas]

I destroyed a friendship to be with you.

(He gives her a small smile, but it has to be over. But, he shrugs; there's just too much to tell her and not enough time, and no will to do so. Cross is content just being the guy that sleeps around, drinks too much and does stupid stuff. He doesn't want to be Cross Marian, he who fell between the war and has to set things in motion.

He's tired, so tired.)

But, I don't think you ever felt the same way. If you're ever lonely, you can come to me, my door is always open for you. I just can't talk about my problems.

[glassbox]

[ Something about what he says tips her over the precarious edge of violence, and without really meaning to -- without thinking about it -- she reaches over and slaps the exposed side of his face. There's fresh anger in her expression, and in her voice. ]

Y'got no goddamn right t'say that t'me. I know I wasn't always good t'you, but I came t'you, and I cried over you, and I waited for you, even though y'never promised me nothin'.

[ she purses her lips a second, like that alone will hold back the raging torrent of her feelings. ]

Don't y'dare say that I didn't care for you.

[ioudas]

(The moment that she says that she cared for him makes it even worse. He doesn't flinch when she slaps him, utterly deserving her scorn.)

I-

(He has nothing to say. Cross rubs the side of his face, Timcampy racing into the room because of the resounding noise before fluttering and showing solidarity with Lillian and settling on her lap.

Cross mouths "traitor", but even Tim's that mad at him?)

Everything is really messed up because of me, huh?

[glassbox]

[ lil doesn't answer right away, and her expression stays angry. but at least when her hands find timpcampy, she's gentle enough -- appreciating, maybe, having someone on her side.

she knows it's not fair to blame everything on cross. it's not all his fault. some of it's her fault, and some of the blame goes elsewhere. some of it's just shit luck. but that doesn't stop her voice from sounding resentful when she speaks again: ]

Y'bein' gone sure as hell didn't make it any goddamn better.

[ioudas]

(Somehow, Cross's golem has grown fat enough to lie on her lap like some giant cat. Even as he's mouthing the word "traitor" at him, he really can't blame either of them.)

To be fair, I was dead for 10 days.

(Timcampy might be getting her lap wet, he's going to start crying in a second and it's heartbreaking.)

... Lillian, I'm a traitor.

[glassbox]

[ it's a small distraction, that poor crying golem in her lap. she isn't heartless -- far from it. maybe she feels everything a little too strongly. but at least she's patting timcampy right now, instead of getting violent. there's always that potential, with lil. things can always get worse. ]

What the hell's that supposed t'mean?

[ioudas]

I betrayed God.

(He coughs, somewhat bitter. But, there's a very stark difference in him now. Rather than brushing it off with some nonchalant comment or playing the fool, he sounds tired and wry.)

Remember, I told you about something called Innocence, right?

[glassbox]

[ she doesn't look at him, letting timcampy hold her attention for the moment. ]

Yeah, I remember somethin' like that. [ a light pause. ] Why, what's it matter now?

[ioudas]

(He starts out trying to say so many things, but he stops. Maybe just getting to the point would help.)

A long time ago, the Vatican implemented a program where it would take children of Exorcists and implant Innocence in them. I was ... (tricked into helping? had to see a child die? who knows what his research did to them?) exposed to the results of the experimentation. They're called Fallen, or Fallen Apostles. Their tissue degrades as the Innocence punishes them for attempting to conform. They die terrible, terrible deaths, and they're completely innocent. All they wanted to do was serve God and save humanity.

(It's the one thing that gets him somewhat emotional, because while he hasn't subjected Allen to that, he's subjected him to something far, far worse.)

Then there's people like me, who hate the Innocence because of what it has done to humans. In essence, this could happen to me as well, but with a dire consequence. My body would be consumed by my hatred for it, and I would turn to kill everything in my path because of it. of course, that's just one documented case of an Exorcist that gave the location of every known one in the world, but what I am attempting to do is more grievous.

I ran because I didn't know if that would happen to me.

[glassbox]

[ the truth is she only listens so far -- because she's lillian crawley, and she doesn't care much about explanations so much as the throbbing, visceral feelings lodged tight in her chest. madison's excuses and explanations and apologies only ever went so far with her too.

at length, she looks up at him. the anger hasn't left her face yet, even if it's subdued by her exhaustion. ]

Maybe facin' whatever y'could've become would've been better than y'just leavin'. Maybe that would've hurt less.

[ioudas]

(That makes him so angry, that he sits up and stares at her with this incredulous look.)

So, what? You'd want me to kill all those people until I can't draw any breath and have this cycle of death and destruction be me because it spares your feelings.

(Cross is upset and scared, he can barely breathe just thinking about it.)

And you think that's it? Those are all of my problems?

[glassbox]

I don't know.

[ she snaps back, automatically responding to his anger with more of her own. that's easier than whatever she was feeling before -- that undefined, painful something. but she never claimed she wasn't a selfish bitch -- she knows that she is -- and she isn't sorry, not really. maybe that's the worst part.

she sets tim aside, off her lap, because she knows her tendency is violence with anger. ]

What the hell d'you want from me? Y'want me t'tell you I'm sorry y'went through all that? Y'want me to t'say I'm sorry that I don't goddamn understand you? Y'want me t'leave y'alone?

[ioudas]

(His temper flares, and something happens; the mirror shatters behind him for no reason. Cross somehow seems darker, like a fundamental shift just happened as he gets angrier and angrier at her.)

I have given you all. (It isn't clear who he's talking to because the drapes soon start to catch fire, but he doesn't care.)

Don't come to me asking for a reason and then that reason not be good enough. It isn't about Madison and it isn't about you, it's about me and my own damn problems.

[glassbox]

[ this is going to hell. quickly. the angrier he gets, the more defensively angry she gets -- and the shattering glass, the drapes aflame, that doesn't help. it doesn't stop lil either, 'cause she's crazy and invulnerable and she'd rather argue with him than stop because of collateral damage. ]

Who said anythin' about goddamn Madison? [ it's too soon to talk about her missing husband. it just pisses her off. ] He mighta run from me, but at least he didn't do it while I was spreadin' my legs for him.

[ fed up, she storms over to the drapes, unconcerned with the broken glass and rips them down effortlessly, smothering the flames under her feet with impatience and bad temper. ]

God, just -- deal with your goddamn problems then. See if I give a damn.

[ioudas]

I guess it's just back to the status-quo, isn't it? (He gets irritated and waves a hand, the flames going out.)

If that's all you wanted it to be, then you're in great shape to find a replacement.

(Cross needs a drink, badly. His head hurts, his face hurts, everything just hurts. It's so rare that he loses his temper in such a way, and in the state that he's in, it can't be great.)

I'm not Madison, so either punch me or leave me alone. Either way, I don't care.

[glassbox]

I don't need or want you t'be goddamn Madison.

[ she closes distance between them way too effortlessly with the length of her legs, grabbing him by the clothes and giving him a good shake. ]

Stop sayin' y'don't care. Stop talkin' about us like it was just sex. Y'just -- [ she makes a frustrated noise from between her teeth. ] You make me so goddamn crazy, y'know that?