capeandcowllogs | Violent frustration--

Entry tags:

Violent frustration--

WHO: Kirei Kotomine and YOU
WHERE: The Dojo ~~which has a name someone smack me~~
WHEN: Evenings of Monday through Friday.
WARNINGS: References to prior self harm on Kirei's part and a forced suicide. Otherwise just intense kung fu fighting.
SUMMARY: After learning of his death (mistakenly blaming the wrong Servant), and the destruction of the Holy Grail, Kirei is faced with a crisis of purpose.
FORMAT: ~~What is the opposite of Kirei Kotomine?~~ Quick.

[ Depending on how late in the night you find him, Kirei will be in an increasing state of exertion. Come early enough, and you might just be setting up, but if you arrive later he may be near collapse, sweat coating his skin and his breathing short. Either way, he is focused and intense, despite how his mind is preoccupied. This is a man who trained to kill since childhood, and his discipline is obvious in his every motion; almost unconscious at this point.

There are a few things which give away the chaos in his mind. He doesn't stop when he ought to, when his limbs burn with exertion and his breaths scratch in his throat. His body is dead -- it died in the fire of Fuyuki City. His heart which beats so quickly now with adrenaline is a false one, a creation of the corrupted Grail... and that Grail has been his goal, and in his future, he has failed to achieve it. The Grail is destroyed by his student and the child of his nemesis, and he is killed by his one companion.

Gilgamesh killed him in retribution for his ordered suicide -- why had he given such a command? What had happened in those ten years between himself and the King of Heroes?

Now, he has no Servant. No future in his home. No Grail. No goal. What does he seek here? He could have been appeased by his stay in this City by knowing what awaited him should he return to Fuyuki... but now his future is exposed, and he is damned.

What does he seek?

Years ago, when such hopelessness struck him, this had been his response: to abuse his body. Be it a deliberate assault, proven in the scars which are visible on his bare back, or an indirect means -- training himself into an exhaustion. He falls back onto this routine now, the sweat on his brow dampening his bangs.

Again, he feels nothing. ]

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[ The exertion from his previous routine shows, and he can feel a dull ache burning through his limbs, but it does not hinder his motions. He can stay even with her, tracking her easily enough -- but he wonders how much of a handicap will vanish once she grows more attuned to a flesh and blood body.

He watches her as she circles him, shifting his feet to turn his body, not letting her get behind him. ]

This is how I served God.

[ Whatever world Danger inhabits may differ here as well, he imagines, so he elaborates: ]

I was an Executor; an inquisitor of heretics against God. I have fought this way since I was young.

[ With that, his defensive stature drops as he intends to test her own. He at last switches to an assault: his hand forming a tight fist and aiming for her abdomen. ]

[ her concept of god continues to be a purely academic one-- but she understands serving one's creator with violence. it isn't something she remembers fondly. those memories are full of anger and hatred. ]

Did you choose it?

[ her stance changes the moment she perceives the change in his. quick calculation has her bringing her elbows together to defend her soft solar plexus, knees bending just slightly to lower her center of gravity. still-- the impact is rough, forcing her a step or two backwards. she exhales. she won't let him push his offensive, turning in the hips to swing another kick-- an attempt to force distance by the length of her legs. ]

-- was it faith, duty, or something else?

[ That certainly is a question. He followed that course because he knew it was his father's desire -- however, that did not mean he was forced into the role. In the end, it was his choice; he chose that path in hopes that pleasing his father would satisfy him. In the end, it didn't -- nothing did. ]

A combination.

I pursued faith and duty in search of completion; of something to fill the void in me. It was my father's wish to see his son in that path, but no one forced my hand.

[ His voice is steady despite the hurry of his movements, betraying how trained his breathing can become. He dodges her kick, trying to exploit the opening in her body exposed by her assault as he lashes out again. ]

[ something to fill the void. danger dwells on that particular phrasing a moment, trying to identify if what she's felt is anything like that. it's distraction enough, that train of thought-- or maybe it's merely the opening her attack provides-- but finally, the dynamic stalemate is broken when kirei's next blow lands, staggering danger with its precise force.

she hisses out a breath. it's human of her, betraying pain in even that small way. in her mechanical body, she wouldn't have so much as flinched. she would have felt nothing.

danger lets a little distance open up between them again, recovering her stance. there's only the faintest hint of raggedness, something subtly rough from fatigue in her low voice: ]

But you did not find it. Completion.

[ When his fist connects, there's a moment of pause where he wonders: is this the first time she's felt pain in her human body? He has no idea how long she has been trapped in this form, and what she has suffered inside of it, but her response feels significant somehow. Magnified.

He wonders if it frightens her.

He does not immediately exploit the weakness in her recovery. He allows her to regain her distance, and he waits again. ]

No. Not for years.

I thought I found the means to answer my questions, however...

[ He fails. It is gone. He is betrayer who in turn becomes betrayed. ]

That is no longer possible.

[ she pauses, her attention becoming more focused for a moment-- lingering on his face and little else as he speaks, as if she might glean something about the human being underneath his passive face if she looks hard enough. ]

What has changed?

[ the question hangs in the open space between them. ]

[ At her question, Kirei's posture loosens somewhat -- 'relaxes' would not be the proper term, given the tension still evident in him. ]

There are others here, who share the same world as I -- but they are years ahead of me. My future has been exposed.

I fail my goal -- and this City does not have the means for me to try again.

Edited (you get all my typos lately cries) 2013-06-08 19:12 (UTC)

[ she tilts her head slightly, processing what he's said and considering him. he doesn't look like a man grieving his own failure, but then again, she's learned quickly how deceptive appearances are. besides that, her understanding of humans-- the way they display and express their emotions-- is still flawed, incomplete.

finally: ]

Can you not conceive another purpose for yourself?

[ That has always been the issue: his purpose. ]

I have spent years seeking purpose with no avail. This was my salvation.

[ The words are bolder than usual, but it is the truth. However, he is not without hope. ]

It will take time, but it is not impossible.

[ that answer seems to satisfy her enough, because she dwells on it only a moment before her focus shifts. she closes distance again, pushing offensively. it must be obvious by now that in this body, she prefers to attack with her legs, using the potential of her hips to generate power and the length of her limbs to force space between her opponent and the softest parts of her human-like body.

still, even with that pattern, she's aggressive, and quick, moving faster and hitting harder than before, as if building on the rhythm they'd established. between kicks, she finally responds: ]

I have always admired human persistence.

[ His attention shifts to blocking her assault again. He notices the shift in her approach, how different it is from before. Her human mind apparently calibrates as easily as a machine would. He keeps up with her well enough, but he does not lash out again. ]

What of you? [ His tone is noticeably shorter here, his exhaustion catching up to him with quicker breaths. ] Will you persist? Or will you welcome your human body?

[ as controlled as she seems, her body has it's limits too-- and already, she's worked up a faint sheen of sweat. but her pace doesn't slow, steady and almost mechanical, despite whatever fatigue she must be starting to feel. ]

A body is only a container. There is nothing to become. I am and will always be myself, regardless of form.

[ her eyes narrow faintly, then in that clinical tone, even as she continues to push her offensive: ]

You're tiring. Do you wish to stop?

No.

[ His response is immediate. He has not been fighting against an opponent here; he has merely been training his body. It is different to receive blows, to feel impact and have a physical body to turn his focus on.

The fact that it is Danger, this artificial life which is move alive than he, only intensifies the reaction. ]

More.

[ He turns offensive again: alternating fists and feet, seeing how quickly she can adjust when he changes technique. ]

[ it's enough to make her lose a little ground-- because this soft, fleshy brain adjusts slower than her computerized one, taking time to process what would have been split-second flashes of data sorted through wires and chips. it requires her focus, to defend herself fully-- and even so, fatigue creeps up on her.

her movements slow just a fraction-- almost unnoticeably-- her blocks and dodges becoming slightly more last second, closer calls. tomorrow, she'll be counting her bruises. her voice is just barely breathless when she finally speaks again: ]

Are you frustrated with it?

[ it's unclear what she's referring to-- the physical limit of his human body, or his new knowledge of his future. ]

[ Kirei can see her defenses weakening. Had she caught him earlier in the day, he would have been more steady, but his own exhaustion -- and the frustration she accuses him of -- is showing through. ]

To no end.

[ With that admission, he stops, ceasing his assault and backing away from her. He pauses, frowning, before he gives her a respectful bow.

He will not push her any further. ]

[ her attention follows him as he backs away from her, lingering in her stance another moment or two before she allows her body to relax. she watches him bow to her, tilting her head slightly as she considers the gesture-- learning it, maybe-- before finally, she returns it, leaning forward at the waist in purposeful reciprocation before she straightens and responds: ]

You were an appropriate partner. Thank you.

[ a beat, as she lifts a hand to wipe away a bead of sweat from the side of her face. it's an unusually human moment, if transient. at length, she goes on: ]

What will you do now?

As were you. [ Kirei steps away, taking a towel for himself and also one for Danger. She has not built up as much sweat as he has, but he would be amiss to not offer the courtesy. He holds it out to her with one hand, the other wiping at his own brow. ]

Now I will retire for the evening.

Past that, I do not have an answer yet.

[ accepting the towel, she wipes the light sweat from her face, letting his answer hang between them for a moment. she can feel her heart pounding inside her rib cage from all the exertion-- not to mention the slight fatigued ache of her limbs, the flush of heat in her face. all things unique to this body.

at length: ]

I have a proposal. There is, perhaps, something you could do for me, if you wish.

[ It is something to watch her, wondering how new of an expression this must be on her face. The little details catch his attention, and he wonders how new it feels to her. How often has she felt sweat on her skin? Has she ever been short of flesh, flushed? He watches her chest rise and fall with shortened breath, and imagines how she'll cope with the exhaustion, or the burn in her muscles the next morning as her body reacts to the unfamiliar strain.

Her question surprises him, and he leaves the towel around his shoulders as he approaches her again. ]

What would that be?

[ she takes her time in answering. she's found that it's rarely wise to seem too rushed or over-eager when asking humans for anything. it's dangerous, really, to let humans know when you're genuinely interested in something. ]

...I've been given the opportunity to make some improvements at the Osborn facility where I serve as warden. The majority of these improvements are to be structural or technological.

[ she pauses, pulling the thick rubber band free of her wild hair before going on: ]

However, I have taken patient care into consideration, partially out of my academic interest in their mental well-being, and I have concluded since our first meeting that a spiritual element may be beneficial to some of the subjects in my care.

Osborn. [ He repeats the name, and an image comes along with it -- or, more accurately, a voice. The man had never revealed himself. ] I spoke with the man once, briefly.

[ He is hard to put his finger on. Kirei is curious, and not opposed to the notion of working alongside this man -- as well as working with Danger, who has already proven herself more than worthy of attention.

And then, there was that new magic he had discovered since arriving here... how many miserable patients would be in that place, feeding him without even realizing it? ]

It would be my honor to assist you and your facility. [ He gives another short bow of his head. ] I accept.

[ she seems satisfied enough with that answer. his motivations, if she has any inkling of them at all, don't seem to concern her. she has her own reasons for surrounding herself with the worst that society has to offer-- and not all of them involve any sense of altruism or duty. ]

I am pleased to hear you say so, Kirei. [ despite her words, her face stays impassive. still, her voice doesn't seem insincere. ] I will arrange for you to visit the facility in order to acquaint you with the grounds and staff at you convenience.

[ she offers her hand to him to shake-- a learned, human gesture. ]

I look forward to our working relationship.

[ Kirei accepts her outstretched hand, shaking firmly and confidently, and he allows the touch to linger a moment. ]

As do I. I am pleased we could meet again.

[ He is pleased; a new but not entirely unfamiliar reaction. He releases her hand. ]

I will be at your disposal.

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Violent frustration--

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