capeandcowllogs | the breath i've taken and the one i must to go on

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the breath i've taken and the one i must to go on

WHO: lillian crawley, nelson gardner, & rick bradbury.
WHERE: lil and nelson's favorite sandwich place.
WHEN: lunch hour at city hall.
WARNINGS: lil is tmi. (rick is appalled.)
SUMMARY: bombs dropping like d-day.
FORMAT: quicklog.

[ it's nice, to be out with friends -- it feels like it's been a while, truthfully, since she's stopped dwelling on misery long enough to really enjoy friends -- but her mood's been surprisingly good the past few weeks and she felt like getting out of the office for lunch with two of the men in her life that she didn't actively want to hit. so, she wrangled nelson and bradbury up for lunch at the sandwich place across from the old construction site (a lovely commercial building now) that she and her nelson used to enjoy.

lil settles into the seat nearest to the window, holding her hands apart in front of her as she sits, as if to indicate length. ]

-- went pretty deep too, y'know? Y'can't expect a gal t'just be ready t'handle that.

[ she pauses to smooth her skirt out under the table a little. ]

But I couldn't just let the jerk bleed t'death from a goddamn cut. Lucky I had somethin' layin' 'round t'patch him up with. Ain't like I'm a nurse or nothin', but Frank's still got both legs, so I figure it could be worse.

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[ the arrangement is a little awkward, for bradbury, mostly because of the parties involved. not that he has anything against lil or nelson -- as a matter of fact, he gets along with them just fine -- but both of them in the same vicinity is just an accident waiting to happen, isn't it? while he works on his sub, he's only half-listening to lil, the other half of his attention is on nelson, warily keeping track of his reaction.

it's kind of weird for her to be talking about a guy in front of her ex-boyfriend, but he's decided that he's given up on understanding why women do anything. he's not sure how nelson's going to react, though he's almost certain any emotional outburst has an 85 percent chance of being emotional weeping versus violent anger, but they're both so high strung that he doesn't really know.

he's glad his mouth is occupied, because the only response he's obliged to offer is a grunt of acknowledgement around his sandwich, conveniently leaving out the fact that he'd actually run into the guy just before he ended up at lil's place. sounds like he got into more trouble after bradbury left him. ]

[ Nelson turns from the window to look over at Lil as she continues to speak, smiling a little placidly as she goes on with his hands clasped around his coffee cup. He's perhaps a little more at ease than he ought to be around his supposed ex-girlfriend, but he's interested in her story for reasons only halfway self-indulgent.

He takes a sip from his mug before he says anything. ]

Next time you run into any trouble you ought to give me a ring, Lil. I've done enough first aid in my time to know my way well around a leg wound. Rick can tell you -- you don't make it in the USMC by being a slouch.

[ they are friendly, for being exes. there's a certain familiarity in the way she reaches over to pat nelson's hand -- a little yes, yes, 'course, hon sort of gesture -- when anyone else might have gotten snapped at for implying she couldn't handle trouble herself. instead, she quirks a bit of a smile, resting her chin in the palm of her hand as she responds a bit cheekily: ]

Oh, I'm sure y'woulda given him a good seein' to, Nelly.

[ maybe it's a little too far in current company, that comment -- innocent enough without context, but there's the teasing tone of her voice and the knowing look on her face. ]

[ contrary to popular belief, rick bradbury is pretty sharp when he needs to be. his gaze shifts from one to the other, certain he's missing something here, but a few pieces to the puzzle are missing for now, and he's cautious about jumping to any conclusions.

for now, he shrugs, swallowing his current mouthful down. ]

Doesn't seem like a guy who lets anyone "see" much of anythin'. [ he frowns a little, just remembering the unfortunate circumstances of their first meeting. ]

You sure he's one of the good guys? [ his tone makes it obvious enough he's joking, but he does have enough reason to wonder. what kind of hero goes around calling themselves the punisher without irony, anyway? ]

[ It's good that Nelson has swallowed his coffee by then, because he might have choked otherwise. His face goes a little red and he gives Lil a quick look before he hides his face behind his mug again. It's a moment or two before he even addresses his food, clearing his throat first as he pokes at his salad with a fork. ]

Oh, certainly. He's very noble. He doesn't go after just anyone, Rick, he targets the real crime and corruption. Just like Hooded Justice -- or like anyone should. [ He pauses to take a bite and chew. Swallow. ] Men like that need to know when to accept help if they need it.

[ she bites her lower lip briefly, a little mischievous. that's the trouble with lil -- her good moods make her a bit of an affectionate bully. she finds nelson's reaction to her cheeky inside joke both endearing and amusing. ]

Don't figure he had much choice. Wasn't in great shape, y'know? [ she absently taps the fingers of her free hand against the table rhythmically before abruptly stopping, giving nelly a pointedly skeptical look at the mention of hooded justice. ] Ain't sure I'd make that comparison though, just sayin'. If those two got anythin' worth comparin' in common, I bet it ain't somethin' we oughtta be talkin' 'bout in public.

[ a beat, then more mildly: ]

Unless you're all that curious, I mean.

[ somewhere in the middle of the conversation, bradbury thinks he's missed something. no, scratch that, he knows he missed something, and as he looks back and forth between them, he's struck by an odd feeling, like being on a roller coaster when it teeters at the crest of a hill, preparing for the inevitable plummet down.

though in this case, he doesn't offer any pithy commentary. instead, his gaze flickers over to nelson and stays there, brows raised slightly, because what the hell do you say to that?

but then of course, because this is rick bradbury, and inappropriate comments come as easily as breath: ]

If we're gonna start talking about superhero dicks, I don't think I'm qualified to be in this conversation, unless the Mayor counts.

Edited 2013-10-03 06:09 (UTC)

[ Nelson's face goes even redder -- if that were possible -- and he painfully swallows the food in his mouth, looking helplessly between the two of them before he decides against making any eye contact. ]

I-- I'm not. [ Curious, he means, though he's already gone incredibly flustered. He nudges Lil's arm slightly. ] What would I know about-- Lil.

[ He clears his throat, glancing at Bradbury nervously. ]

... I was talking about their morals.

[ lil stifles a little bit of a laugh at nelson's clarification, but clears her own throat lightly afterward, effectively rebuked -- maybe -- by the way he said her name. she reaches for her water before answering, stirring the ice with her straw and taking a sip before she answers: ]

Well, I guess I wasn't payin' all that much attention t'anybody's morals, so there ain't a whole lot I can say about that.

[ bradbury doesn't really understand the kind of relationship nelson or lil has with hooded justice, the infamous roommate he's only really met a couple of times -- and the guy wasn't much of a talker for either occasion. come to think of it, neither was frank, so he shrugs. ]

Seemed like action first, talk later kinda guys to me. [ he's not sure where that conviction comes from, but he feels pretty sure he's not far off the mark. ]

[ Nelson tries to let himself relax; Lil's clearly just teasing, and he's the one being paranoid. Everything's got him on edge lately for no real reason, through no fault of anyone's -- Hooded Justice unmasking has done a number on his nerves because everything somehow seems more there.

So he takes another bite of food, breathing in -- then out -- more slowly. He nods, leaning his chin on his hand after he swallows. ]

All action, if you ask me. They aren't the sort of men that really need words, they speak through what they do. So -- you probably wouldn't understand unless you were close. I can see how some people might assume they go too far.

[ lil scoffs lightly, waving her hand dismissively. ]

All action. Right.

[ it is mild though -- and not as mean as both men probably know she can be. truthfully, it's surprise her complaints have been so few and so nonviolent, considering that the subject at hand is men. ]

If y'ask me, a little talkin' here an' there wouldn't hurt 'em any. Actually? Y'know, I think Frank's been avoidin' me.

Avoiding you?

[ He'd been about to ask Nelson what exactly he meant by going too far, old cop sensibilities kicking in for a moment, but Lil's comment successfully details that line of thought as he quirks a brow. There are a lot of jokes he could make at this point, but he doesn't fancy being on the receiving end of Lil's version of revenge, so he opts to bite down on them instead.

That said, he doesn't press for details beyond the initial question. If she wants to talk about it, Lil will, whether he wants her to or not. ]

[ Nelson frowns warily at Lil again, lips pursing, but he doesn't linger on the implication long. Like Bradbury, he's curious about what Lil means, particularly if she and Frank are really as close as she's implied to him in the past. ]

Why would he avoid you? [ He bites his lip, then takes a slow sip of coffee. ] It might not have anything to do with a lack of communication. Maybe he's just been busy.

Is that what y'tell y'self when you-know-who's avoidin' you?

[ she doesn't mean to sound so biting with nelly -- he's her best friend, and dearly loved -- but the subject is obviously one that annoys her a little. ]

Rick, would y'explain t'Nelly what it means when a guy sleeps with a gal an' then don't got an interest in talkin' t'her afterward?

[ bradbury grimaces. never ask a woman "why," not unless you're prepared for sharp words thrown back in your face (presumably as retaliation for not being a mind reader) or an explanation at least an hour long. he takes another bite of his sub, resolved to ditch nelson at the earliest opportunity, but then lil asks him that and he chokes. ]

Sorry-- [ he coughs, thumping a hand against his chest in a vain effort to clear his throat. his voice is a little strangled, and he tries to tell himself it's from nearly dying via sandwich. he's crude as hell, and to some extent he's gotten used to lil's more outrageous comments -- but they usually don't involve her personal life. flustered and caught off guard, he raises a hand to the back of his neck to rub at the flush, willing it away.

who the hell asks a question like that? ]

Well... usually makes it seem like she got taken for a ride, right?

[ more importantly, why is he answering it with actual thought? ]

Edited 2013-10-07 05:38 (UTC)

It isn't-- [ He has to stop himself short from being defensive, but shakes his head. ] It isn't the same thing. Maybe there was a miscommunication, not everyone-- uh, i-is after the same sort of thing when they...

[ He clears his throat, looking uncomfortably at his food and again not making eye contact. His head shakes a little again mostly on its own, the color to his face not draining yet. ]

I mean, not everyone is good with commitment.

[ lil glances at nelson, maybe a little surprised at that word he uses. she blinks at him a moment, and for that second, her response is a bit up in the air, as if she could just as easily answer with annoyance as with agreement.

finally: ]

I ain't askin' for commitment. This ain't high school, an' I ain't got those kinda expectations jus' 'cause he didn't say no t'me.

[ it's surprisingly non-aggressive, the way she replies. it's just simple. plain. ]

It's just -- he could say somethin' t'me, y'know?

[ in this case, at least, bradbury can't really say he speaks with the authority of experience, so he's entirely out of his depth here. after a few moments mulling over her words, face screwing up in concentration like he's trying to find a good answer, he finally gives up. the comment Nelson throws out there almost seems like it could be taken as an insult to lil, but she doesn't seem to take it as one. ]

I figure if tall, dark, and sulky is avoiding you, I dunno if hunting him down is gonna help. Seems like Nelson's got more experience dealing with the type -- none of my exes ever had a problem letting me know when something was up.

I d-- I don't, it's just-- he doesn't strike me as the type, that's all.

[ Nelson frowns a little, glancing at Lil and biting the corner of his lip. ]

Some men just do what they please. He may have a whole number of reasons, I don't know if... Rick's right, even if you do find him he may talk to you but not give you any answers.

[ lil only purses her lips a little at first. it can mean any number of things when a man avoids you -- but her experience is with a particular type of man, and a particular type of avoidance. it bothers her in a nagging sort of way. she's confrontational, by nature. it gives her something to fight, obstacles that seem more real and physical somehow, instead of the vaguely annoyed feelings she has now.

it's impatient when she responds: ]

When I find him, he better give me answers.

[ a beat, then maybe a bit more softly: ]

Bastard could've jus' told me no.

[ bradbury's been in more swkward positions, presumably, but its admittedly hard to remember exactly what that position might have been. he hadnt exactly been counting on signing himselfup to be lil's agony aunt, that's for sure.

he considers telling lil that she isn't the kind of woman you say 'no' to, decides he likes his fsce where it is. instead: ]

Dunno if it counts for anything, but he didn't seem like the type you could get to do anything he didn't wanna do.

Lil, Rick's right. Be reasonable about this. That's just the way some men are. It's no good trying to change them, I'm telling you. You'll make yourself more miserable in the process.

[ He doesn't mean it rudely -- even if, for him, it's a little blunt -- but it's difficult to pass on any advice or experience he may personally have any other way without giving away more than he means. Between "you need to get over it" and "I understand"... well. ]

Um... he'll come find you, I'm sure. When he wants to talk to you.

[ it's hard for her not to instinctively bristle at nelson's urging for her to be reasonable -- as if she weren't being reasonable already. she isn't, not really, but that's beside the point. she's always disliked being managed and placated and being told to be reasonable. those are the kinds of things that remind her of madison -- and maybe part of this whole affair had been a sloppy attempt at forgetting a little.

she gives both men a pointed little look before glancing away, head tilted up in an annoyed way. ]

You should get this better than anybody, Nelly. I mean -- [ an irritable exhale. ] I wasn't expectin' Rick t'understand it too much, but I know you know exactly how goddamn much this sucks.

[ that particular statement gains a raised brow, and then some, but he doesn't say anything for now, just turning his head to look in Nelson's direction. strange thing to say to someone you used to date. ]

Hey. [ he keeps his tone light, making a likely vain attempt to lighten the mood of the conversation. ] Come on, Lil, that ain't fair. Last time I checked, Nelson didn't have a boyfriend giving him the cold shoulder. 'Less that Hooded Justice guy counts, anyway.

[ he turns his attention back to nelson, giving him a wry smile. ]

Now there's a guy whose personal space I don't wanna get into when he's pissed.

[ Nelson sinks a little into his chair, body language much more stiff suddenly. He drinks quickly from his coffee mug, clearing his throat. ]

No, you probably don't. He may be a man of few words, but you'll always know when he's angry. [ He swallows nervously. ] But this isn't-- y-- this isn't about me. I mean him. It's...

[ Exhaling, he looks at Lil again. ]

Look, what am I supposed to say?

He ain't my boyfriend.

[ her tone borders on petulant, the way she responds to rick, and it carries in her body language when she glances at nelly, eyebrows pinching at how visibly uncomfortable the other man has become. as ill-tempered as she is, maybe she recognizes that she m ight have tkaen things a little far -- or said a little too much.

so, at length, in an irritably dismissive voice: ]

Forget it. It ain't important, an' we don't gotta talk about it.

[ the finality of lil's words ends that train of conversation fairly effectively, at least, and the silence that follows is uncomfortable -- at least for rick it is. looking from lil to nelson, it's hard to say which of them is more upset, and the nagging, distracting feeling that's been getting to him for a while now is finally too much to ignore, and he clears his throat carefully. ]

Look, I know I might not exactly be the brightest guy around here, but I'm pretty sure I'm missing something. You mind telling me what it is?

Edited 2013-10-16 14:57 (UTC)

It's nothing.

[ Nelson shakes his head a little quickly, glowering forward and pushing his mug away. ]

I was just trying to be helpful. Lil's convinced that-- [ Though, he doesn't know how to follow that up, so he diverts his sentence, missing the point anyway: ] Her problems have nothing to do with me, but there are things you have to keep in mind when dealing with certain types of men. I think I would know what men are like.

[ Huffily: ]

Sometimes things don't just have answers.

It's nothing.

[ her voice overlaps with nelson's maybe a bit too quickly, and she falls quiet, letting her friend's words fill the space instead of her own. she's never been good about self-control -- she talks faster than she thinks, most times -- but as petty as she can be, nelson's secret is something she keeps close to her chest, safe. this is as close as she's ever come to exposing him, and only her temper let her take it so far.

she purses her lips, only adding at length with a bit of her bad temper lingering: ]

Well, y'ain't ever gonna have answers if y'don't ever try gettin' 'em.

[ bradbury isn't really listening to either of them at this point. he's looking -- really looking -- and thinking back, trying to put the pieces together. it's a bit annoying, like solving a jigsaw without ever seeing the picture on the box, but he can find the edges, and while that doesn't give him the whole picture, it gives him enough. ]

Y'never broke up with Lil, did you? [ he says it slowly, like he's testing the truth of the words when spoken out loud, looking straight at nelson. between the two of them, his body language is easier to decipher -- lil mixes up sorrow and embarrassment and defensiveness until they're indistinguishable, coated with the anger she wields as much shield and as weapon. ]

'cause she was never your girlfriend in the first place.

Lil, what do you think he'll say to--

[ Nelson stops short, any redness in his face from his growing indignation -- he doesn't mean to argue, but he doesn't want Lil get hurt for false expectations -- spreads up his forehead and to his ears. His lips purse a moment and, exhaling slowly, he adjusts his tie nervously.

Okay, maybe Nelson and Lil have been a little too friendly for exes.

He mutters, skirting over any more delicate points: ]

Um, well, not in so many words, maybe, no. But it isn't what-- even if she had been I'd still want to warn her.

[ it's a tense moment. what bradbury says -- she can't be certain how much he understands now. just because he knows she wasn't really nelson's girlfriend... lil glances at nelson, unsure what to do know. ]

What's it matter anyway?

[ bradbury's gaze drops to his plate, maybe unwilling to watch either of their faces in this moment, or maybe because he feels a little uncomfortable saying what he does next: ]

I'm not a big fan of being lied to.

[ it comes out very quietly, and a little tiredly, because he doesn't particularly expect much of a response to that statement. people have a right to their secrets, of course, and from what he knows of both of them, he's sure any omissions were hardly meant maliciously. but it rankles, all the same, and he looks up at nelson, just a touch exasperated. ]

You could have just said something earlier. [ before bradbury ended up feeling like a goddamn idiot. ] What did you think I was gonna do, freak out?

It isn't... it isn't that.

[ Nelson doesn't look at Bradbury, fingers drumming the side of his mug as he stares down into it. Rather than shrink in his seat anymore though he straightens his shoulders, patting Lil's arm without looking at her either. ]

It isn't important, this is about Lil's problems, not mine. [ He clears his throat -- at least he's calmer. Maybe the sensitive parts of the conversation at least can be avoided. ] A-anyway, the only reason it-- [ ... ] anything came up in the first place is because I thought the situation was owed a little more perspective. You know--

Everyone has their reasons, that's all.

[ Sort of a catch-all, there. He means with everything. ]

[ it's instinctive and a little protective, the way her hand closes over nelson's when he reaches to pat her arm. maybe it's because she feels a little responsible, for rick realizing the truth -- or maybe that's just the way she always is, when it comes to her friend.

she's much more direct, when she answers: ]

It ain't the kinda thing y'just say casual-like. Not for him.

[ her tone is dead serious: ]

So don't go blabbin' it, Rick. Y'don't need me t'tell y'that, do you?

[ what the hell is lil talking about? why would lil not actually being nelson's girlfriend be worth blabbing about to anybody? something funny twists across bradbury's face, an unspoken huh? of confusion that he doesn't need words to convey. rather abruptly, he feels like the conversation he thought he'd been having isn't the conversation he was having after all. he pauses, perplexment still written large and clear across his face, lips moving a little as he works through what's been said up to this point, trying to figure out how exactly it got to this point and what lil thinks he thinks he knows.

and then the penny drops -- really drops, this time -- and bradbury blinks, slow. ]

Oh. [ it's weighted, that oh, and it carries the weight of a lot of little things that hadn't added up suddenly making sense. so that's what it is. in typical bradbury fashion, he feels compelled to actually voice the revelation out loud, though he has the sense to keep his voice low (he doesn't want to be on the receiving end of a diamond lil special). ]

You're into guys. [ slowly, like he's still digesting that particular piece of information, before his inner mitchell kicks him in the lizard brain and he hastily follows it up. ] I mean -- there's nothing wrong with -- [ he'll just quit while he's ahead, taking a breath before exhaling, slowly. ]

Okay. Yeah, I got it. [ he looks and sounds calmer, taking it in stride, because lil's got that don't fuck with me look and because it's the twenty-first century and his best friend once legalized gay marriage, for fuck's sake. bradbury's fine. and then something else occurs to him, and it blurts out before he can clamp down. ]

Wait, so are you and Justice--?

Oh Christ.

[ Subject change averted, apparently -- at least Nelson wasn't drinking any coffee at the moment or he might have choked on it. He keeps his gaze averted, brows wrinkled, trying not to do that thing where he reads judgement (of him, obviously the worst kind) in every word spoken or unspoken.

At least he's not the kind of person to say "Oh shit." ]

No-- y-- well-- [ Flustered again, he stage-whispers: ] I said I knew what I was talking about, that's how I... yes.

[ Yes to everything. ]

Something like that.

For cryin' out loud, Rick.

[ lil's voice is an annoyed, defensive hiss. ]

That ain't really any of your damn business, is it?

[ not that people's privacy has ever stopped lil from nosing her way into things, but she feels responsible and protective now. ]

[ bradbury at least has the decency to look appropriately chastened, ducking his head sheepishly, rubbing absently at the nape of his neck. ]

Yeah, sorry. Stupid question.

[ it's a probably a good idea to drop the topic of conversation, there, but there's one thing he has to make absolutely clear despite nelson's discomfort and his own. ]

Hey. [ he lifts his head to give nelson a lopsided grin, before his expression goes serious. ] I'm kind of shitty at this, in case you hadn't noticed, but ... just so you know, it doesn't matter to me. I'm glad I know now, but it doesn't change anything.

[ he says it with enough conviction for all three of them. ]

[ The look Nelson gives Rick -- finally -- is a little skeptical, not malicious by intention but because Nelson has his doubts about nothing changing. His lips tighten, expression a little crooked and uncertain. ]

Right. It's fine. I-- [ He blinks, gaze dropping again. He restlessly pulls his sleeves further down his wrists. After a pause, he sits up straight again. ] Whatever you think, just don't worry about it. I don't mind.

[ He clears his throat. ]

Listen, we have other things to talk about, don't we?

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the breath i've taken and the one i must to go on

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