capeandcowllogs | the breath i've taken and the one i must to go on

WHO: lillian crawley, nelson gardner, & rick bradbury.
WHERE: lil and nelson's favorite sandwich place.
WHEN: lunch hour at city hall.
WARNINGS: lil is tmi. (rick is appalled.)
SUMMARY: bombs dropping like d-day.
FORMAT: quicklog.

[ it's nice, to be out with friends -- it feels like it's been a while, truthfully, since she's stopped dwelling on misery long enough to really enjoy friends -- but her mood's been surprisingly good the past few weeks and she felt like getting out of the office for lunch with two of the men in her life that she didn't actively want to hit. so, she wrangled nelson and bradbury up for lunch at the sandwich place across from the old construction site (a lovely commercial building now) that she and her nelson used to enjoy.

lil settles into the seat nearest to the window, holding her hands apart in front of her as she sits, as if to indicate length. ]

-- went pretty deep too, y'know? Y'can't expect a gal t'just be ready t'handle that.

[ she pauses to smooth her skirt out under the table a little. ]

But I couldn't just let the jerk bleed t'death from a goddamn cut. Lucky I had somethin' layin' 'round t'patch him up with. Ain't like I'm a nurse or nothin', but Frank's still got both legs, so I figure it could be worse.

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[ bradbury isn't really listening to either of them at this point. he's looking -- really looking -- and thinking back, trying to put the pieces together. it's a bit annoying, like solving a jigsaw without ever seeing the picture on the box, but he can find the edges, and while that doesn't give him the whole picture, it gives him enough. ]

Y'never broke up with Lil, did you? [ he says it slowly, like he's testing the truth of the words when spoken out loud, looking straight at nelson. between the two of them, his body language is easier to decipher -- lil mixes up sorrow and embarrassment and defensiveness until they're indistinguishable, coated with the anger she wields as much shield and as weapon. ]

'cause she was never your girlfriend in the first place.

Lil, what do you think he'll say to--

[ Nelson stops short, any redness in his face from his growing indignation -- he doesn't mean to argue, but he doesn't want Lil get hurt for false expectations -- spreads up his forehead and to his ears. His lips purse a moment and, exhaling slowly, he adjusts his tie nervously.

Okay, maybe Nelson and Lil have been a little too friendly for exes.

He mutters, skirting over any more delicate points: ]

Um, well, not in so many words, maybe, no. But it isn't what-- even if she had been I'd still want to warn her.

[ it's a tense moment. what bradbury says -- she can't be certain how much he understands now. just because he knows she wasn't really nelson's girlfriend... lil glances at nelson, unsure what to do know. ]

What's it matter anyway?

[ bradbury's gaze drops to his plate, maybe unwilling to watch either of their faces in this moment, or maybe because he feels a little uncomfortable saying what he does next: ]

I'm not a big fan of being lied to.

[ it comes out very quietly, and a little tiredly, because he doesn't particularly expect much of a response to that statement. people have a right to their secrets, of course, and from what he knows of both of them, he's sure any omissions were hardly meant maliciously. but it rankles, all the same, and he looks up at nelson, just a touch exasperated. ]

You could have just said something earlier. [ before bradbury ended up feeling like a goddamn idiot. ] What did you think I was gonna do, freak out?

It isn't... it isn't that.

[ Nelson doesn't look at Bradbury, fingers drumming the side of his mug as he stares down into it. Rather than shrink in his seat anymore though he straightens his shoulders, patting Lil's arm without looking at her either. ]

It isn't important, this is about Lil's problems, not mine. [ He clears his throat -- at least he's calmer. Maybe the sensitive parts of the conversation at least can be avoided. ] A-anyway, the only reason it-- [ ... ] anything came up in the first place is because I thought the situation was owed a little more perspective. You know--

Everyone has their reasons, that's all.

[ Sort of a catch-all, there. He means with everything. ]

[ it's instinctive and a little protective, the way her hand closes over nelson's when he reaches to pat her arm. maybe it's because she feels a little responsible, for rick realizing the truth -- or maybe that's just the way she always is, when it comes to her friend.

she's much more direct, when she answers: ]

It ain't the kinda thing y'just say casual-like. Not for him.

[ her tone is dead serious: ]

So don't go blabbin' it, Rick. Y'don't need me t'tell y'that, do you?

[ what the hell is lil talking about? why would lil not actually being nelson's girlfriend be worth blabbing about to anybody? something funny twists across bradbury's face, an unspoken huh? of confusion that he doesn't need words to convey. rather abruptly, he feels like the conversation he thought he'd been having isn't the conversation he was having after all. he pauses, perplexment still written large and clear across his face, lips moving a little as he works through what's been said up to this point, trying to figure out how exactly it got to this point and what lil thinks he thinks he knows.

and then the penny drops -- really drops, this time -- and bradbury blinks, slow. ]

Oh. [ it's weighted, that oh, and it carries the weight of a lot of little things that hadn't added up suddenly making sense. so that's what it is. in typical bradbury fashion, he feels compelled to actually voice the revelation out loud, though he has the sense to keep his voice low (he doesn't want to be on the receiving end of a diamond lil special). ]

You're into guys. [ slowly, like he's still digesting that particular piece of information, before his inner mitchell kicks him in the lizard brain and he hastily follows it up. ] I mean -- there's nothing wrong with -- [ he'll just quit while he's ahead, taking a breath before exhaling, slowly. ]

Okay. Yeah, I got it. [ he looks and sounds calmer, taking it in stride, because lil's got that don't fuck with me look and because it's the twenty-first century and his best friend once legalized gay marriage, for fuck's sake. bradbury's fine. and then something else occurs to him, and it blurts out before he can clamp down. ]

Wait, so are you and Justice--?

Oh Christ.

[ Subject change averted, apparently -- at least Nelson wasn't drinking any coffee at the moment or he might have choked on it. He keeps his gaze averted, brows wrinkled, trying not to do that thing where he reads judgement (of him, obviously the worst kind) in every word spoken or unspoken.

At least he's not the kind of person to say "Oh shit." ]

No-- y-- well-- [ Flustered again, he stage-whispers: ] I said I knew what I was talking about, that's how I... yes.

[ Yes to everything. ]

Something like that.

For cryin' out loud, Rick.

[ lil's voice is an annoyed, defensive hiss. ]

That ain't really any of your damn business, is it?

[ not that people's privacy has ever stopped lil from nosing her way into things, but she feels responsible and protective now. ]

[ bradbury at least has the decency to look appropriately chastened, ducking his head sheepishly, rubbing absently at the nape of his neck. ]

Yeah, sorry. Stupid question.

[ it's a probably a good idea to drop the topic of conversation, there, but there's one thing he has to make absolutely clear despite nelson's discomfort and his own. ]

Hey. [ he lifts his head to give nelson a lopsided grin, before his expression goes serious. ] I'm kind of shitty at this, in case you hadn't noticed, but ... just so you know, it doesn't matter to me. I'm glad I know now, but it doesn't change anything.

[ he says it with enough conviction for all three of them. ]

[ The look Nelson gives Rick -- finally -- is a little skeptical, not malicious by intention but because Nelson has his doubts about nothing changing. His lips tighten, expression a little crooked and uncertain. ]

Right. It's fine. I-- [ He blinks, gaze dropping again. He restlessly pulls his sleeves further down his wrists. After a pause, he sits up straight again. ] Whatever you think, just don't worry about it. I don't mind.

[ He clears his throat. ]

Listen, we have other things to talk about, don't we?

the breath i've taken and the one i must to go on

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