let's make the most of the night

[glowsferatu]

WHO: stuckhome residents and their guests
WHERE: Stuckhome
WHEN: 11/13, starting at 7pm
WARNINGS: discussion of suicide
SUMMARY: on this day one year ago, three girls died in an arena together. tonight, they hold a dinner party.
FORMAT: mingle

[ kanaya hadn't bothered mentioning why she called this gathering to most of the people here, and was evasive with anyone who saw through it, but she put her all into it. the house is spotless by the time the guests start arriving, everything in readiness for a quiet night with friends. ]

Comments

[gandere]

[ That's just depressing. ]

Uhh.

[ It hits her a little harder than she cares to admit though. With the loss of Saber and the 'anniversary' of their deaths, her emotions are so on edge that it shows in the way she grips her glass in a manner that threatens to crack it. ]

--Well, it's a good thing you appreciate life a little more or else we wouldn't have to listen to such downer talk, huh? [ An attempt was made. ]

[glowsferatu]

[ kanaya resumes her seat with a nod. she'd told rin exactly what she intended with this night, but...that she intended to do something like this wasn't really in the agreed upon plan. whoops. ]

It's true that I have a tendency to suffer in silence, but a little downer talk is generally better than an abundance of a downer reality.

[gandere]

[ Naturally she should have seen this coming to prepare herself. Death itself brings a lot of feelings that most never have the chance to deal with themselves. After all, once they're deceased, there's no returning to the world of the living to feel the guilt or bitterness.

Rin herself is still very good at keeping her own feelings at bay. ]

Next time you should just speak up a lot sooner. [ As if that ever solves anything. Not everyone is as open-minded as her. ] Then you wouldn't have to suffer in silence.

[glowsferatu]

I know, but knowing the path and walking it are very different, and I'm not exactly the best at it. That's just how bad habits are, though I know that to only be an excuse.

I suppose I just don't really think anyone cares to hear my problems. But I just felt this was something that needed to be said.

[ and mostly she just doesn't want to reactions exactly like this one, where the problem isn't so much in what she's expressing, but that the very act of expression has only caused inconvenience. ]

[gandere]

It did needed to be said, so don't regret it now that you've spoken it. [ Rin's just one of those people who believes in owning up to mistakes and rolling with the punches, so she's trying to think of what she could say to help alleviate her concerns. ] You can't help how people will react to hearing that sort of thing, but it can't be helped now.

[ All they can do is try to move forward. Thankfully, Rin is good at swallowing her emotions. ]

It was something that needed to be said, but everyone is here for you. At least I think they are and don't think that I mean anything too severe with that. I'm just trying to show you a bit of support.

[glowsferatu]

[ but swallowing can only last so long, and they have to come back out eventually. that's what got kanaya in this position to begin with. ]

Well, I appreciate it then. It's still something I'm getting used to,and I do apologize for that much. The process is sure to be a little awkward for everyone involved.

[gandere]

[ Rin's likely just built up a higher tolerance. She doesn't let her emotions show easy, choosing instead to hide behind elegant smiles or fits of anger.

For Kanaya's sake, she's getting the former. ]

It'll be awkward, but we'll move on. That's all we can do, don't you think? Oh, but you shouldn't be apologizing for what you've said. It only makes the value and emotion behind your words less meaningful in doing so.

[glowsferatu]

[ if kanaya had any idea, she'd be either envious or very worried. contents under pressure tend to explode, but if they somehow don't well...that's a bit miraculous to her. ]

It's more an apology for the awkwardness in the transition. Not for saying what has been agreed to be necessary, but that it won't always be said as best it can.

[gandere]

[ Rin's always exploding about something completely different so it counts. ]

Oh, well if that's what you're getting at, I suppose you won't be relieved until I agree that it's all right. It's a troubling situation, but I really don't mind it even if I'm saying strange things.

[ Mostly because she has no idea how to handle this kind of ordeal. ]

I mean honestly... it isn't as if I would have been able to speak with you in the my world had it happened as it did here. Talking to someone who has died before me is something I still struggle with.

[glowsferatu]

Because the dead don't return where you're from, you mean.

[ it's odd to think how expected a fact that's come to be for her. when her lusus died she didn't know how to feel, knowing she would be resurrected as a sprite in only a matter of hours. now, three years later, it's become such an ordinary occurrence that thinking of death with any kind of finality is the weird part. ]

It takes a considerable amount of getting used to, having a facet of the universe you'd taken for granted become so...seemingly inconsequential.