capeandcowllogs | (no subject)

Entry tags:

† !—dropped characters—! †

(no subject)

WHO: Kitty and Gar
WHERE: A movie theater/various other places
WHEN: Sunday night
SUMMARY: Kitty decides to invite Gar on a friends-only-not-awkward outing. Clearly, this will turn out badly.
FORMAT: Parawkward

To be honest, whenever Kitty had gone out with Gar before, she didn't really think too much about her clothing. After the first date, she had fallen into the comfortable routine of wearing jeans and t-shirt because he never really seemed to mind. She had been pretty sure of herself, that it didn't matter what she was wearing because he would like her no matter what. But the situation was different now. How, she wasn't exactly sure, but they were on shaky footing. All confidence in herself and this relationship had just shattered and she wasn't exactly sure how to make it better again.

And so, if only for petty satisfaction, Kitty had consulted with The Fashion Queen herself, Dazzler, to decide on tonight's outfit. A skirt for once and no sneakers in sight. She looked good, if she did say so herself. She hoped Gar missed her more than ever.

She never claimed to be mature.

"Sorry to keep you waiting!" she said cheerfully once she rounded the corner and met Gar by the movie theater.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, this presented to him a couple of obvious reactions. One, because she'd made it a point to be done with him, he could break it and apologize or something, or try to get an explanation, or... Talk through it, one way or another. Two, he could react positively. The latter was far more tempting for a number of reasons, his still-standing feelings not being the least of them. Plus, there was how nice things like kissing were, and a general desire for the intimacy that his life had be lacking for... However long it had been since he'd felt nice and secure with somebody. He'd screwed time over. The emotions felt fresh, he'd only been gone from here a few days, the lack of security... That had happened over the course of a fall-apart year, in the latest crumbly months.

The attempt at reason hadn't been so drawn-out. He had a moment of close-jawed hesitancy and then he pressed forward to kiss her back, shifting towards her from his seat and reaching to cradle the back of her head and hook his fingers in her head. It was at least as aggressive as he'd ever been, whether that was desperation or him making a subconscious effort to prove something.

What he didn't seem to realize was that her feelings for him had not changed at all. After all, he had only been gone a few days, how fickle did he think she was? She still loved him and that was incredibly terrifying. She had loved before and almost always got hurt and this was exactly what was happening here and now. Was it wrong for her to want him to think of her and only her? She didn't want to share him with anyone and with how fresh his last relationship was, she knew she would be sharing him with a memory.

But most importantly, she had missed him, even though they had only been apart a few days. Kitty had grown accustomed to seeing him or talking to him every day, sometimes waking up next to him and relaxing together on a lazy weekend morning, or just sending each other ridiculous emails from work.

Kitty was sitting on her knees, one wedged between both of their seats, her arms around his shoulders as they continued to kiss with the sounds of aliens shooting lasers in the background. This kind of kissing was different from before-- he usually kissed her lazily, like he had all the time in the world, even a little shyly even though they had been together for so long. This was a little rougher, more emotional, maybe. She didn't really know what to make of it.

He could've laughed at the wholly inappropriate sci-fi noises going on the background, but he was suitably distracted. He had, at this point, already switched off his over-thinking. The immediate pros had won out over the cons that were likely to be born from making out in a theater with one of your suddenly-ex-girlfriends. She was the one that hadn't done anything wrong by him, though, which... Seemed to be something that most women wouldn't afford him.

But then, he was lousy, with a questionable temperament from time-to-time and more baggage than most people likely knew what to do with. Why, yes! He'd spent a good most of an entire week trying to figure out all the ways he sucked and why. Hopefully, he could figure it out and somehow remedy the situation.

Well... Depending on how much that would be necessary, anyway, he'd do it. He was here, after all, turned awkwardly in his seat with his side pressing uncomfortably against the arm-rest. He had his arms around her waist by now, one hand under the hem of her shirt and flat against her back.

He expected to be slapped any second now.

Kitty wished she had some kind of power to transmit how she really felt to Gar. He probably thought she was playing games with him but she was just as confused as he was. A part of her wanted to forget this whole break thing and move on like everything was the same, but another part of her knew that it wasn't possible. She would forever be worried that his heart wasn't with her, that he was still thinking of someone else. It would have eventually driven her crazy.

When they eventually had to break apart for air, she had absolutely no idea what to say. What could she even say? Sorry for dumping you, hey isn't making out awesome?

Awkward.

Oh, yeah. There was... Parting. Of course.

He didn't know what to say, either, but he felt the immediate lack of her. He drew back just slightly and cleared his throat before taking his arms back. He definitely had a guilty expression, like being caught with his hand in the cookie far. It was surprise, too. He turned back in his seat and put his hands between his knees.

"Sorry," he said, even though he didn't know why he was apologizing. He hadn't started it. It was probably enough that he'd gone with it, though.

"No, I'm--" What? Sorrier? Wow. Talk about a serious lapse in judgment. She slowly leaned back into her own chair, shocked at how easy that had just been. Kitty liked to think that she had a steel resolve but clearly... not the case.

This was going to be a lot harder than she thought.

"Did I mention I like your haircut?"

"It's fine," he dismissed whatever she'd started saying, probably a little shortly, as he shifted again to cross his arms. He felt almost prickly, annoyed that starting and stopping this was apparently really easy, but... Not angry. He wasn't going to feel teased, or put-off, or anything like that. He cast her a attempted look of gentleness to illustrate that fact, smiling tensely at the compliment. "Maybe. Thanks."

Kitty was going to exert some willpower.

She was going to be strong.

She was going to be resolute.

She was going to say sorry and they would move on.

She was--

-- now in his lap, having jumped over the armrest, grabbed his face and proceeded to kiss him a second time.

In her defense, she really, really missed him.

"What're you--?" He hadn't had time to move before he'd heard her shift suddenly, and now... Well, he had a lap full of Kitty Pryde, which wasn't necessarily something to complain about. He was suddenly preoccupied with kissing again, too, which was something else he'd probably be better off not questioning.

He was easy. He'd probably openly stated this to her before, and he knew she knew it. He melted, practically, humming and gathering her up in his arms the best that the seat would allow. This was... Forgiveness, right? This was the two of them simplifying. She liked him, he liked her, they were hot for each other. God, could it puh-lease be that simple?

Of course, it was never that simple but for the moment it felt that way. She did like him. A lot. She had even admitted to loving him-- though it was never said and written on a napkin, it still counted. Kitty wanted to be close with him. It was weird to meet at the theater and not walk there together holding hands or him have his arm around her. They had spent the last ten months basically being close to each other. Then he was gone, lived this whole other life, and suddenly they couldn't.

And that wasn't fair. She was calling shenanigans.

Kitty knew that there was a reason why she called their break. That he had things he needed to sort out without complications but that really wasn't stopping her from running her fingers through his hair and kissing his cheek and neck.

When the movie was over then she would gather her senses back. She just needed to... get this out of her system. Right. Yes.

He failed at the logic behind any of these happenings, break-up or making out in a movie theater. Well... He could understand her breaking up with him. Once he'd got back, he'd figured that she would. After all, yeah, he'd forgotten her and dated another girl for a year and had a lot of stupid thoughts and feelings left over from a lot of stupid stuff.

This, however... This required no logic. He'd initially had a habit of over-thinking when it came to being with her, wondering what he might do right or wrong, or what she might think, or whether or not he could listen to the urges from the back of his brain. Now, though, apart from the occasional ring of 'What are you doing? This can't be real.,' he was decidedly not thinking. He was just doing, shifting downward in his seat so that his knees touched the seat in front of them and pulling her roughly and closely to him.

Plus: the whole movie-theater deal? Hadn't happened before, and it was pretty hot. Sure, this was likely going to end terribly (so said the friendly reminder in the back of his mind that tried, every once in a while, to prevent his untimely demise), but it was really the kind of thing that was easy to go with in the moment. It was almost easy to forget he'd left at all when he was grabbing at her hair and letting out almost-giggly breaths while she was at his neck, kissing wherever he could and carelessly trying to get under her skirt.

It wasn't like she planned this-- maybe she had hoped for it, in her heart of hearts-- but Kitty knew they were going to veer right into Regretville after this. She usually had much better sense than this. She had gotten so much better at thinking before doing but these two steps forward had become three steps back.

"Gar-- Gar," she tried to get his attention, amidst the extremely loud sounds of the movie behind them. "Wait." Kitty didn't move out of his grip yet, almost afraid. She knew once she did it would be over for good.

It really sucked to be an adult. Why couldn't she just pretend it didn't bother her that he still had leftover feelings for someone else? Did she still have her own leftover feelings? Still. It had been so recent for him. She couldn't just forget that.

Shit. That was the breaks squeaking, wasn't it? He slowed at the tone that his name had carried, stopped at the word 'wait.' He didn't really have to ask and probably didn't have the voice to, anyway. It'd gotten stuck with the sudden fear that gripped him.

He couldn't look up to meet her gaze, for a moment, but finally did. He probably had the most pathetic expression, somewhere between questioning and pleading. He tried to smile hopefully, but it only amounted to a twitch of his lips. Finally, he managed a hoarse, "Yeah?"

"Do you still have feelings for Raven?"

The words had tumbled right out of her mouth, even though she didn't want to hear the answer. Didn't want to but needed to. This was why she had broken it off in the first place. It wasn't for his sake, it was for her's. Because she didn't want to get hurt again.

She really didn't know what to do.

"Because if you do, and that's understandable, we can't be like this. It's physically painful for me to be next to you--" or on top, "-- and have it be... like this! Of course I want to be with you. I like how things were before. But now they're different and we have to deal with them."

The question dried his mouth out and made him tense up. He drew his hands back and closed his fists as a way to make sure he wouldn't get grab-happy again. When she stated that being near him was physically painful for her... Not to be some dramatic little boy, but it was like a knife twisting. He flinched away, which wasn't that successful with his being pinned below her, looking quickly to the nearest wall and trying not to look upset at that.

"Fine." He said shortly, taking breathes so that his voice wouldn't gargle out pathetically. This wasn't fair. Jumping him and then admonishing him for it... He tried not to look to pout-y, tried not to feel the tiniest bit betrayed. He'd felt much worse, after all. "I don't get how I'm supposed to deal with it, but... Fine."

"I'm not saying it to be mean, Gar. I know you've been through a lot. And it's not for lack of caring, trust me on that. I want to be with you. Really badly. Embarrassingly so. But you..." Kitty paused, unsure of how to say this delicately. "You should talk to Raven. I mean, she's getting married and I know that's shocking. I just don't want to be your consolation prize."

She moved off of his lap, sitting next to him. She almost laughed at how absurd this was.

"I don't know how you're supposed to deal with this. I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this."

Gar turned away and bit the inside of his lip to keep himself from saying something short and stupid. He didn't want to feel... Well, most anything that he was feeling, but most of all he didn't want to feel angry. Even if she said she wasn't being mean, though... Saying one thing and doing another was mean.

He didn't want to talk to Raven, because... Where would that get him? It wouldn't justify his feelings. It wouldn't give him his sense of self-worth back. Seeing her and hearing her voice, having her say some perfectly-measured words about how good and true her love for Arny was-- "Fuck."

He hissed out the curse and reached impulsively for his mouth, where he'd bitten the inside of his lip open with one of his stupid freak-teeth. He stopped himself from whining out loud about it, but let his eyes tear up.

"I can't... I can't prove anything to you, you know." He spoke around his cut lip and fingers. "If I say you're not a consolation prize, you won't believe me."

"You're right. I'm the one who has to come to terms with this. I feel so petty and jealous right now," she finally did laugh, though it was derisive and dry. "You shouldn't have to prove anything to me. I should be confident enough in the both of us that it shouldn't bother me. But it does."

Kitty stood up, suddenly not very in the mood to watch a movie anymore.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't..." He started once she began speaking. He wanted to tell her to stop talking like a freaking therapist or something, and he hadn't meant to blame her, and... He wanted to reassure her, somehow, even if he'd already said he didn't know how to do that.

When she moved, he moved to, letting out a weak, "Wait." He made to reach for her, but fell short and let his arm drop to his side again. "Just... I'm so tired of everything leaving me more pathetic than the last thing, but..." He took a breath and knew, in spite of his words, that he was about to be pretty damn pathetic. "Just tell me what to say, and I'll say it."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(no subject)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

/so late omg sorry ilu

s'all good bb you know it.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject