capeandcowllogs | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

WHO: Look at the tags
WHERE: Starting at ~~his~~ ~~her~~ ~~their place~~ the MAC, around town, out of town, the surface of the sun
WHEN: Sometime after this but before this
WARNINGS: no
WHAT: Zelgadis takes some advice.
WORDS: yes

It was afternoon; shining was the sun, cold was the air, and doing nothing in particular was Terra, sitting by a closed window. Her expression and mood were not easy to read, especially turned toward the glass as she was, which at the very least meant she was neither bubbling over with joy nor bawling her eyes out for sorrow. Presently, she felt--well, if you asked her, Terra wouldn't be able to answer, either. Emotions were a complicated subject.

So for now, she was focused halfway between herself and the mundane action of a couple laughing teenagers pretending to be giant robots and chasing pigeons.

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"It might be for the best," he offered, not completely sold, himself. What little he knew of Terra's dismal world didn't give him cause or reason to throw any firm assumptions this way or that. "I mean, if anyone was touting Lina's power around to be captured and abused...Right?"

"Or would be too powerful to be captured," she offered in return, again relatively nonchalant. "I don't know. You know her strength better than I do."

There was a selfish desire tied in with that, as well. If Terra had been stronger, she thought, or at least closer in level to Lina's strength, perhaps their fight several months back could have ended differently. Not with Lina's death, no; Terra wouldn't allow herself to do something like that. But coming out even—coming out alive—would have changed everything.

"After everything that happened to me... no, I wouldn't want it for myself. But having someone as powerful around as either of you in my world would have made things easier."

Zelgadis hmed a little in half-hearted agreement - he didn't really know this way or that, so why pretend? - and leaned back until his head bumped the trunk of a still-standing tree.

"It's not making much of a big difference in a world like this," he remarked, glancing upward. "But I guess it shouldn't."

That he didn't know much about her world wasn't for lies or evasions; she wouldn't mind telling him if he were to ask, but it seemed that would be a conversation for a different time, if any. Discomfort rolled off her shoulders easily enough, and she replied with a simple "has to me," before stopping her own mouth with more dessert.

The chocolate was really good.

Strange how it was...strange, talking without deteriorating into something awkward or just uncomfortable in some miserable way. Zelgadis could count the number of times that happened before on one hand. It was...pretty sad, really. But he could make decent enough excuses for himself - and her, given the insane circumstances they'd been under for the past few months. There was always that feeling of tightrope-walking in a talk with Terra; he didn't know what could set off something bad, even innocently mentioned.

It was why he didn't feel the need to push on the subject. Histories and such. His own wasn't a carnival, so he was happy enough to let the whole thing dissolve into a food-based quiet for the time that it did. There was enough springtime noise to fill in the gaps that was never there back in the City; nothing about screeching tires made awkward silence peaceful.

Zelgadis exhaled slowly, closing his eyes. His fingers drummed idly and unfelt on his leg, listening.

Crazy circumstances were the norm for them, so it really shouldn't have been that much of a surprise that, being removed from them, things settled into something calm and comfortable. Eventually Terra left her spoon sticking in the dessert as well; it formed a sort of leaning cross with his, crossing paths at certain angles without touching. As for Terra, she leaned back with palms into the dirt, eyes turning to the canopy. Cool sunlight fell through numerous gaps in the tree cover, budding spring leaves not developed enough to provide complete cover. Birds sang some unfamiliar song, and wind rustled the branches.

The silence between them was long and comfortable, but for it, Terra was left mostly with her thoughts for company. Her eyes turned from the sky to Zelgadis, her confusion from earlier returning in a slow wave. The conclusion she'd come to before — that this was some sort of echo of her birthday celebration, only suited to fit his —- didn't seem to fit anymore. If that wasn't the case, she wondered, why go to all this trouble? She appreciated it, sure, she liked that he had, and brought her along for it. It was nice, but for the life of her, she couldn't find a reason for it.

Was there one?

Of course there was, but Zelgadis wasn't offering much up by way of clues. Spelling out his motives would've been horrifyingly embarrassing - one-sided, probably, but he was the one who had to live with himself when all was said and done. There was plenty to recall and feel ridiculous about already.

He was rather content - rare for him lately. Of course, the feeling was rattled when he at last opened his eyes and realized he was being stared at. It straightened him right out, blinking, glancing over his shoulder to see if she was actually looking at something else...and unless that something else was just more trees, no such luck.

He looked back with a puzzled look.

Of course, by the time Zelgadis looked back her way, Terra had already directed her attention quickly elsewhere, cheeks reddened. She was a little embarrassed to have been caught staring, especially with the sort of reaction he had.

Well, for a few seconds. With some pause, and trying to get back her resolve to actually ask, she couldn't help a curious side glance his way, even if her vision were obscured mostly by loose bangs.

Zelgadis' head snapped back straight ahead rather fast, shoulders up, heart skipping a beat. What the hell was that? Maybe he made a weird face (his face was always weird now, but).

He looked down at his hands, as if they knew what the hell to do. They didn't.

The song of birds and of insects in the trees, that had before seemed a gentle buffer for their silence, now seemed a great deal louder and more pressing against Terra's ears. She felt unusually anxious, though she wasn't immediately sure why. Because she was worried for how he'd answer? After all, maybe this whole thing was something a normal person was supposed to understand without having to ask. If she asked, he'd probably flip out that she hadn't figured that out on her own, then she'd have to explain why she hadn't, and that wasn't really the sort of argument she wanted to get into today.

Oh, there was chocolate on her hand. Her thumb rubbed at a stain on her index finger while her head tried figuring out whether it was worth asking or not.

So the both of them were suddenly a little under their age, almost normal. Casting aside the magic abnormalities and all the strange circumstances that led to them being out there together, that is. A little younger in years and nobody could find anything (aside from the above mentioned) strange about the awkward, fast glances and muddled assumptions.

Not that either of them knew that was perfectly normal for anyone twelve to eighteen, of course. So Zelgadis was fighting off panic mode, hot under the collar and by no means able to formulate any coherent statement that didn't already sound dumb in his head. Sitting there staring at his shoes like a moron was better, but only slightly so.

Stupid, stupid. Abby's advice wasn't bad, but...Abby kept saying boyfriend, girlfriend and Zelgadis wasn't that delusional about his situation! At least, he was rational enough to separate his crazy thoughts and reality for the most part.

So he should just keep his trap shut and keep cool. Yeah.

Yeah...

Even if, by some miracle, someone were to sit down and explain just how utterly normal this situation was, Terra wouldn't be inclined to believe it. She didn't understand most of her emotions to begin with, and the rest were ones she was so utterly bad at identifying, she had convinced herself that she wasn't physically capable of experiencing them.

Denial: one large root to their mutual forest of awkward interactions.

"Uhm..." was a struggle to get out, fingernails scratching at spots of dirt on her palms for something to do. Are you going to spit it out or not? Terra opened her mouth again, glancing his way—but once again balked.

Why was this suddenly so difficult? It wasn't like she wanted to talk about how she died, or Illidan, or how Zelgadis had found her after setting a tornado loose in her apartment, all topics that deserved anxiety. It had every right to be a simple conversation, so why wasn't it?

Maybe it'd be better to ask later? If she needed to ask at all. The answer might present itself without her needing to throw out her questions, and it wasn't like they wouldn't see each other for a long time once they went back. He was still letting her stay with him, after all. That, at least, made some sense in her mind, but this...

Her teeth made a quiet click for closing.

"Huh?"

Zelgadis practically spoke over her, fast as his reaction was. He gaped, blinked, then let himself sit a little less stiffly, exhaling when she shut her mouth. Back to the ground, ears and face burning. Wow. He was an idiot.

Her shoulders tensed and, were her nails sharper, she might have cut her palm open for how hard she scratched at the sound of his voice. Sheesh, she didn't even have to say anything for things to get weird. This wasn't the sort of atmosphere she wanted, either; she had to say something.

"I just..." she started, keeping her face turned toward her hands—away from Zelgadis.

Again, Zelgadis' head whipped over at the sound of her voice, holding his breath. He realized what he was doing rather quickly that time around, exhaling and de-perfect-posturizing again. No wonder she kept biting her tongue; he looked ready to spontaneously combust each time she said something.

He tilted his head away and down just enough to still be able to see with both eyes, mouth tugging half a frown.

"Just?"

Would it be better to drop the subject or just spit it out? Terra continued to waver over her response, but finally released a nearly inaudible sigh, resolute.

Even if she wasn't looking in his direction, Terra had to fight an urge to hide her face in her hands when she spoke. "... wanted to say thanks." At that, she really wanted to hit herself in the face - it wasn't what she'd been trying to say at all, but she couldn't backtrack on it and go where she'd been aiming. Not that she'd want to take it back, since it was true, but not where she'd been intending to go. Maybe she just needed to stop over-thinking it.

Oh.

He'd definitely expected worse. Zelgadis blinked, then blinked again, staring at her blankly. His brain kicked in after a moment, shoving aside attempts to nitpick such a simple statement.

"It's alright," he said, exhaling shakily.

"I mean it," she shot back, a heavy emphasis to her tone. "I mean... nobody does this sort of thing for me... without some bigger motive." After all, the main reason she'd been protected and taken to the Returners in her own world was for her power, and what it would mean for the war effort. They hadn't wanted to force her, but their reasons had certainly been transparent. "I'm not sure why you bother, for someone like me, but... it means a lot to me. So... thank you."

Zelgadis winced a little at the explanation. Was that what she was mulling over? Sure, that kind of thing was expected from Lina, but he wasn't...Was he?

No. Definitely not. Not even if--

"W-we're friends," he said. "So that's...really all..." Really?

The "yeah," was said with a nod, more from acknowledging what he was saying than agreeing flat-out. "But it still does. I haven't had many."

For the heavy subject, Terra's tone was unexpectedly light; it was somehow a little easier for her to speak now, and when she turned to face Zelgadis, she was smiling. Whether she was trying to ease the weight from him or from her own shoulders was difficult to tell.

"We've been friends for longer than I knew anyone in my home world," she explained, fingers trailing through her bangs for something to do. "So things like this... it's ordinary for you, but it's... something else for me. Even I'm not sure—"

Terra cut herself off with a strangled laugh, face heating red before she turned back to look off to the woods. It was impossible for her to let anything just be what it was, wasn't it? Every time she opened her mouth, she made things awkward and weird.

He couldn't have flushed more than he already had earlier, but if he could, the smile would've set it off. It had a slight, dizzying effect that wasn't altogether terrible - just terrifying in a way. Not dark lord descending from another dimension terrifying, either. Doing something right for a change terrifying. Maybe that wasn't even the right word for it.

Well, whatever the word, he was more secure that he wasn't outright repulsive or weird for the time being. That, and the fact he liked her a whole lot more when she was smiling. She was being damn adorable, flustered like that; the edge of his mouth tugged up a little.

"It can be ordinary for you," he said, leaning back against the tree again, looking forward. "If that's what you want."

If the blushing were something Terra noticed on Zelgadis, she didn't acknowledge it; blue-faced and plum made it harder to notice than pale-faced and tomato, like she was, but being unable to pin down why she was turning red made it near impossible to find motive for him.

Thoughts about that went flying off like a bird when he spoke up. Terra turned her head a little his way, cheeks still red. "Huh?"

"D-doing things, and..." Zelgadis' hand gestured vaguely for lack of words, retreating and scratching impulsively at his cheek. "Friend stuff you said you don't normally do. I mean. I don't know."

Something felt as though it were bubbling in her chest, though Terra had no idea what, or why; her fingers twitched as if to grasp it, hesitant and excited both.

"Really?"

He shrugged quickly. "Nobody's really going to stop you."